I guess I just don't understand when it's made clear to the guys that you're just asking for an opinion, they still want to actually fix what's wrong.

It happens a lot. Have you ever talked to a guy about something that's bothering you? Just wanting to vent? And they start offering advice on how to fix it? Women don't do this nearly as much.

I am thinking in the case of these two guys; they were; one still is married to women that would not tackle such things as repairs, renos, etc, so they did it for them. It could just be force of habit. Neither one of the guys has ever met a woman that can do for herself.

I agree though; they do seem to want to fix things for you and again I make it clear that I don't want them to solve my problem; just lend an ear.

NG:Hello
Yes Barun on line
NG: I am Navygirl
Hi, any problem?
NG:Getting headache/body pain.Should I take medicene or just take rest.
.....................
.....................
(after half an hour)
NG:Who is at the door?
Here is your doctor for checking you up.
NG:But who sent you here?
Doctor: ......& he has paid my fees also.
conclusion:Like to help NG at any cost as it gives me real pleasure.

Maybe they just want to help? Not everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things.

I don't think either guy has an ulterior motive for helping me. What the problem is I really do't want their physical help; I just want to pick their brains so to speak. Don't get me wrong; its sweet of them to want to help but both men have so much to do already and the last thing I want to do is be a burden to them. I reassure them I can do the job myself but at times I question if there is a better way to complete the task, so I really am just asking an opinion.

I think you might be right about that idea too; that they just like to help me because it gives them pleasure. I guess I am not used to men treating me like this. Its a bit overwhelming to me.

I have a male friend in my life right now who has called to check on me and my son...He knew my husband too..We were all acquaintances in the past and not super-close...I definitely appreciate my friend's "caring" but we must come from different cultures or ??...My husband and I could have "brain-storming sessions" (and conversations) without jumping in and taking over each other's "projects."...But my friend has a tendency to come across as "my father" at times even though we are close in age. He seems rather "old school" compared to my husband and sometimes it gets on my nerves because I'm just not used to it...I know he "means well." But I guess he really doesn't understand me. He's used to "doing" for women and playing out his "role." (It's probably all he knows.) This doesn't make him a "bad person." But we are definitely a "mismatch!"

P/S...In fairness I know some women who can jump-in and try to take over too. (Not just men.)...How about you?

I think you nailed it about these two men playing out their role. I love them both for being so sweet and caring about me but sometimes they really need to step back a bit and let me do for myself. They have seen what I am capable of doing as they saw the renos I did on my house. I think the best thing I can do is as soon as I am off the phone with them about a problem is just to tackle it myself before they can come over here to do it for me. I think this is the only way they will learn that I mean what I say.

It's easy for a guy to use work to manipulate there way into a gals life. That happens a lot. But some of us truly find great pleasure helping or serving others and the joy is in the service and we really are not looking for anything other than that pleasure. And sometimes gals feel appreciation and/or affection for the gesture. And sometimes the gal is reluctant. I figure men in the past used service as a trap on them.

It's frustrating when a kind gesture is read wrong. An invite to the bedroom or an acusation that your deceitful.

I think it's something a lady can wisely evaluate if you take time and don't rush into assuming why we helped. We give clues. And sometimes a kind gesture recieved correctly later turns into an interesr When it is read wrong sometimes we run and don't come back. Not because we don't like you. It's because it got messed up.

Sincerely

Nice guy
Not just a spokesman but an active member.

nice guys do stuff for female and/or male friends all the time and expect little or nothing in return. they get taken advantage of and will still offer to help

now for us bad boys. we don't help female and/or male friends, we find excuses to use the power tools we buy. hell yeah we enjoy spending 300 dollars on a power tool that does one thing and we will only use once for our own benefit. then we look for opportunities to use the tools at your place and mock you before, during, and after the job. of course the beer and bbq is on you, but we will bring the pull behind trailer bbq pit we own to cook half a chicken or a couple of hot dogs

Thanks for your insight. I know these men well enough that I know for a fact that they have no motives behind the kind gestures. I was just thinking that they thought I did not have the skills to do this stuff myself. I also think I am being a burden on them as they get behind in their own work. I treasure their friendship but they simply need to let me stand on my own two feet. This is where my frustration comes in.

Maybe it's the way you asked for their opinion?

I will give advice and information when asked, but I let others do their own work unless they ask me to help them.

Pretty much what I was going to say. Guys are usually technical people, problem solvers. If you ask a guy, "what's the point gap on
a 327", he'll probably tell ya right off if he knows it.
If you say something like, "how do you do the the little gap thingys
in the wire thingy on my old chevy", he'll probably say, "I'll be right over".

Navygirl

Sounds to me your friends just want to bless you and it brings them value to do so. I don't think they view you as anything but competant.

One choice would be to just accept the unrequested help because it blessed them to do it. The only way they would regret helping is if you received it poorly. This would be your worst choice.

Tell them. "thank you. I was truly just seeking advice but your help was very kind and unexpected. I value our friendship".

If I may be more direct. This sounds more about your feelings than their intent. It's a big no no to place responsibility on the other person on changing something for your feelings unless It's inappropriate what they are doing.

But if they did work that you were looking forward to doing, that's different. Let it go this tome but next time start there. "I am looking forward to building a torture chamber in my basement and I want some advice.". Then it should be clear you want to do the work.

That could well be it but I usually google the information so I don't sound like a complete idiot when asking. Don't get me wrong if I really don't have a clue on how to do something; I will certainly ask for their help.

I won't lie that when they think they need to do things for me; at times I feel like a real dummy. On the flip side of the coin; I don't want to be a burden to them either. Actually I could care less who does the job but when I phone for advice; that isn't a hint for them to do it for me. I am not the coy type to drop hints like that; I straight forward with both of the guys so there is no misunderstanding. I do appreciate when they do really insist on coming over to lend a hand but I can't help but feel I am taking away valuable time from them. One guy was going to come over today to help me take apart my trailer but I put my foot down and told him to enjoy his day off and sit by his pool to take some time to relax. What do you know; he actually did just that. I care for both my friend's health and welfare; so they also need time to unwind. He He, I do like the torture chamber thing but nothing those two; they would want to help. They truly are angels and I do treasure them both for their kindness.

Thats how I look at it too. If I actually need them to help me; I am not to proud to ask for help when needed. I do know my limits but I still insist on working with them rather than them doing the work for me. I can't learn anything by not getting hands on experience .

Exactly

I'd rather teach than do for that reason. I don't mind doing though if that's what's best.

Sometimes ya just gotta pet our ego's.
WE men (Dudleys) like ta think ya sit and paint yer nails
waitin for us to call, so ya can ask us for help (Nells)
so we can rush to yer rescue n save the day.( Mountie)
Don't be bashin us (Snidleyin) by tellin us you can fix yer own toilet.
It Just Aint......DoRight!!!!!