Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Does no mean no?
msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 12/19/12 06:47 PM
we communicate in two ways verbal language and body language so,, no, a verbal no isnt always a no, it depends upon the body language just like an ok isnt always an ok, if the body language signals discomfort or tension body language trumps verbal language,,,in the heat of the moment semantically, of course, no means no in real life,, its much more complex,,, When it comes to sex, a verbal "No" should be the end of it regardless what you think the body language says. yeah, and a man shouldnt hit a woman 'back' yet humans have a fight or flight, so women should realize the risk they take expecting that man to have overcome his 'natural' impulse similarly, a person should realize the risk they take expecting someone that is in a stimulated state to be hearing every word they speak,,,,

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 12/19/12 06:52 PM
we communicate in two ways verbal language and body language so,, no, a verbal no isnt always a no, it depends upon the body language just like an ok isnt always an ok, if the body language signals discomfort or tension body language trumps verbal language,,,in the heat of the moment semantically, of course, no means no in real life,, its much more complex,,, When it comes to sex, a verbal "No" should be the end of it regardless what you think the body language says. yeah, and a man shouldnt hit a woman 'back' yet humans have a fight or flight, so women should realize the risk they take expecting that man to have overcome his 'natural' impulse similarly, a person should realize the risk they take expecting someone that is in a stimulated state to be hearing every word they speak,,,, sorry - once again no means no and yes men are morally and LEGALLY required to interpret no as no anything else is creepy. I fully expect a man to stop if I say no, and frankly - he will regret it if he does not....

willowdraga Joined Sat 10/13/12 Posts: 957	Wed 12/19/12 06:54 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? Hell yea, no means no no matter when it is said. If I am about to do something to a guy and I am extremely turned on and he says no, I would stop immediately. I might have to finish on my own somewhere else or something but I wouldn't touch him anymore.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 12/19/12 06:55 PM Edited by msharmony on Wed 12/19/12 06:56 PM
we communicate in two ways verbal language and body language so,, no, a verbal no isnt always a no, it depends upon the body language just like an ok isnt always an ok, if the body language signals discomfort or tension body language trumps verbal language,,,in the heat of the moment semantically, of course, no means no in real life,, its much more complex,,, When it comes to sex, a verbal "No" should be the end of it regardless what you think the body language says. yeah, and a man shouldnt hit a woman 'back' yet humans have a fight or flight, so women should realize the risk they take expecting that man to have overcome his 'natural' impulse similarly, a person should realize the risk they take expecting someone that is in a stimulated state to be hearing every word they speak,,,, sorry - once again no means no and yes men are morally and LEGALLY required to interpret no as no anything else is creepy. I fully expect a man to stop if I say no, and frankly - he will regret it if he does not.... yes, sometimes means YEAAAHH?? ( As in maybe) likewise, no sometimes doesnt mean no but to each their own,,, and yes, unfortunately, men need to be very extra vigilent in those passionate moments to listen out for exactly what words their partner may be speaking while their both wriggling and moaning because the law will prosecute and label them for life if they happen to miss it,,, perhaps IM at a loss because I Have had the opportunity to be in a state of 'bliss' that leads to a semi tunout of any of the on physical,,, and can therefore imagine a man doing the same, without having any intention or knowledge that they are 'raping' anyone,,,

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48916	Wed 12/19/12 06:57 PM
sorry - once again no means no and yes men are morally and LEGALLY required to interpret no as no anything else is creepy. I fully expect a man to stop if I say no, and frankly - he will regret it if he does not.... I am still waiting for an explanation as to why it is creepy to set a limit before anything happens, which plenty of women here have done.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 12/19/12 06:59 PM
I know many people for whom talking about sex before having it takes away from the spontaneity or passion for me, personally, its a huge turn on for a man to be that in touch and honest ,,,,

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48916	Wed 12/19/12 07:22 PM
I know many people for whom talking about sex before having it takes away from the spontaneity or passion for me, personally, its a huge turn on for a man to be that in touch and honest ,,,, I could be mistaken (and I hope that I am), but I get the impression that you simply don't want to set a limit ahead of time. If that is the case, then why not just say so? When my late wife and I were dating, she and I set a limit of no sexual intercourse before we were married, because she and I wanted to remain true to our stated religious beliefs. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is taboo in Christianity. The two of us setting a limit ahead of time was our way of trying not to serve two masters. Granted, Christians try to serve two masters all the time. In this particular case, my wife and I chose not to allow sexual pleasure to be our master while she and I were still single. After my wife and I were married, she and I still discussed sex ahead of time. If one of us was not in the mood, then the other didn't try to get something anyway. If she said "No", then it was "No".

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 12/19/12 07:38 PM
I know many people for whom talking about sex before having it takes away from the spontaneity or passion for me, personally, its a huge turn on for a man to be that in touch and honest ,,,, I could be mistaken (and I hope that I am), but I get the impression that you simply don't want to set a limit ahead of time. If that is the case, then why not just say so? When my late wife and I were dating, she and I set a limit of no sexual intercourse before we were married, because she and I wanted to remain true to our stated religious beliefs. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is taboo in Christianity. The two of us setting a limit ahead of time was our way of trying not to serve two masters. Granted, Christians try to serve two masters all the time. In this particular case, my wife and I chose not to allow sexual pleasure to be our master while she and I were still single. After my wife and I were married, she and I still discussed sex ahead of time. If one of us was not in the mood, then the other didn't try to get something anyway. If she said "No", then it was "No". thats noble, you are preaching to the choir,,, I have no problem with upfront conversation about what each person expects, and what can be expected,, long before the relationship gets to an intimate point but perhaps that is the difference in my personal perception,,I am not so in touch with the culture of 'casual' sex, so its understandable when people barely know each other,, they barely know how to read each others signals, verbal or otherwise, and can misread things altogether,,,

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Wed 12/19/12 07:44 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? NO! er.... I mean YES!! um... I don't know...

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Wed 12/19/12 07:46 PM
No always means no! Tell that to telephone solicitors and salesmen.

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48916	Wed 12/19/12 07:50 PM
No always means no! Tell that to telephone solicitors and salesmen.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 12/19/12 07:53 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? I know what you are talking about. If a woman is going to say "No" to engaging in sex, then she needs to say it before any sex takes places. If she says "Yes" at the beginning, voluntarily participates in sex until she obtains pleasure for herself, and then says "No" before her partner obtains pleasure, then the woman is playing a game. Two adults need to express what their limits are before anything happens. Back when my late wife and I were just dating, she and I agreed that we would not have sexual intercourse until after we were married, and we kept that agreement. To us, "No" to premarital sexual intercourse meant "No". I'd have to disagree. Even if a woman is kissing the guy, in the middle of foreplay, naked, or even if sex has started, she's still able to say no.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 12/19/12 07:55 PM
In most respects yes SAVE ONE, (ACTUALLY TWO) Case one, NEVER TEASE A STARVING DOG WITH MEAT! PERIOD. If you dangle a slab of meat in front of a starving dog you will get bitten. Case two, women who play the no game... "No baby, No baby, baby why are you stopping?" Please tell me women don't do that... Not all women do but some do... Really the only sounds I want to hear are those of a woman having the time of her life under, above, beside, and bent over the couch in front of me... 'NO' is the last thing I want to hear! So how do you justify an idiot who straps T-Bone steaks on their naked bodies to go streaking in front of hungry lions? If you're confused as to what a woman really means, stop and find out before continuing.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 12/19/12 07:55 PM
we communicate in two ways verbal language and body language so,, no, a verbal no isnt always a no, it depends upon the body language just like an ok isnt always an ok, if the body language signals discomfort or tension body language trumps verbal language,,,in the heat of the moment semantically, of course, no means no in real life,, its much more complex,,, It's really not more complex, though. If someone says no, the other person should be stopping what they're doing and seeing what's going on, rather than continuing and assuming they didn't really mean no or stop.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 12/19/12 08:00 PM
In most respects yes SAVE ONE, (ACTUALLY TWO) Case one, NEVER TEASE A STARVING DOG WITH MEAT! PERIOD. If you dangle a slab of meat in front of a starving dog you will get bitten. Case two, women who play the no game... "No baby, No baby, baby why are you stopping?" Please tell me women don't do that... Not all women do but some do... Really the only sounds I want to hear are those of a woman having the time of her life under, above, beside, and bent over the couch in front of me... 'NO' is the last thing I want to hear! So how do you justify an idiot who straps T-Bone steaks on their naked bodies to go streaking in front of hungry lions? If you're confused as to what a woman really means, stop and find out before continuing. agreed there is no excuse for ignoring someone's verbal statement

markc48 Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 5536	Wed 12/19/12 08:04 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? No doesnt mean No. It just means not now.

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48916	Wed 12/19/12 08:11 PM Edited by Dodo_David on Wed 12/19/12 08:12 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? I know what you are talking about. If a woman is going to say "No" to engaging in sex, then she needs to say it before any sex takes places. If she says "Yes" at the beginning, voluntarily participates in sex until she obtains pleasure for herself, and then says "No" before her partner obtains pleasure, then the woman is playing a game. Two adults need to express what their limits are before anything happens. Back when my late wife and I were just dating, she and I agreed that we would not have sexual intercourse until after we were married, and we kept that agreement. To us, "No" to premarital sexual intercourse meant "No". I'd have to disagree. Even if a woman is kissing the guy, in the middle of foreplay, naked, or even if sex has started, she's still able to say no. Go back and read the scenario that I described. I didn't say that the woman couldn't say "no". I said that the woman was playing a game if she decided to say "yes" prior to her getting any pleasure and then said "no" after she had her pleasure but before her partner had pleasure. Sure, the woman's "no" means "no", but she is still playing a game. I am opposed to participating in such a game. Whenever I dated a woman, I found out from her what the limits were before they were reached.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 12/19/12 08:19 PM
This came up in another thread, but I thought it could use a thread of it's own. No means no. Do you agree with that? If not, why? What circumstances would make you not agree with it? I know what you are talking about. If a woman is going to say "No" to engaging in sex, then she needs to say it before any sex takes places. If she says "Yes" at the beginning, voluntarily participates in sex until she obtains pleasure for herself, and then says "No" before her partner obtains pleasure, then the woman is playing a game. Two adults need to express what their limits are before anything happens. Back when my late wife and I were just dating, she and I agreed that we would not have sexual intercourse until after we were married, and we kept that agreement. To us, "No" to premarital sexual intercourse meant "No". I'd have to disagree. Even if a woman is kissing the guy, in the middle of foreplay, naked, or even if sex has started, she's still able to say no. Go back and read the scenario that I described. I didn't say that the woman couldn't say "no". I said that the woman was playing a game if she decided to say "yes" prior to her getting any pleasure and then said "no" after she had her pleasure but before her partner had pleasure. Sure, the woman's "no" means "no", but she is still playing a game. I am opposed to participating in such a game. Whenever I dated a woman, I found out from her what the limits were before they were reached. If you believe a woman is playing games with you, you'll have to work that out with her. Limits aren't always going to be set before. It's admirable that you save yourself for marriage, but that's not usually going to be the case.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 12/19/12 08:29 PM
In most respects yes SAVE ONE, (ACTUALLY TWO) Case one, NEVER TEASE A STARVING DOG WITH MEAT! PERIOD. If you dangle a slab of meat in front of a starving dog you will get bitten. Case two, women who play the no game... "No baby, No baby, baby why are you stopping?" Please tell me women don't do that... Not all women do but some do... Really the only sounds I want to hear are those of a woman having the time of her life under, above, beside, and bent over the couch in front of me... 'NO' is the last thing I want to hear! So how do you justify an idiot who straps T-Bone steaks on their naked bodies to go streaking in front of hungry lions? If you're confused as to what a woman really means, stop and find out before continuing. agreed there is no excuse for ignoring someone's verbal statement unless its not ignoring but just not realizing,,, or not being similarly discouraged physically like I Said, if IM signing the mortgage while saying that IM not gonnna buy the house,,,the law is gonna consider the house bought just like actions encouraging sex during a heightened state, are gonna give the signal that the consent is there,, even if there are words coming out of the mouth that dont match the rest of what the person is doing,,,

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Wed 12/19/12 08:30 PM
When a woman sternly says "NO!" (About anything) she needs to be able to stay firm and determined, and back it up. A man needs to learn that NO probably means NO and he should not gamble on that. When I was a young girl, three guys were playing around at a swimming hole and let me know that they intended to pick me up and throw me into the water. I was not feeling good and I said NO don't! They ignored me and all three approached me. I really meant "no." The three of them ended up getting kicked, some in their privates I'm sure, by a kicking screaming crazy woman. (Me). I was not kidding. They did not appreciate it, but they refused to hear me when I said NO!