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| Topic: married man | |
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Dating someone who is married and messes around is picking your poison. Pretty much goes for some one too lazy or selfish to file for a legal separation or divorce. People who tell me that "legalities" just are not that important tells me my rights are not that important and don't rate real high with me. Mostly because you know darn good an well their rights always matter to them. I can't say how it goes in other countries but in the USA all you have to do is go to the local magistrate and declare that you are indigent and you can file your own simple paperwork for a divorce for free. The only exception to that is if you don't want to, know how to, or have documentation that doing so is a danger to you then you have to have it done by publication. (It doesn't matter if it is some small town no name freebie for a few bucks or the cover of the New York Times.) Otherwise it is less than $50. My dignity is worth more than that. And I am sorry but there is no person on this earth that is worth me paying their way out of one marriage to marry me. Be enough of an adult to clean up your own mess and come to me free and clear or keep stepping. I would never ask anyone to pay for my divorce. and people can struggle without being indigent, making divorce an inconvenient and unnecessary expense as to rights, in a 'casual' relationship, I really don't feel the need to think that deeply about the other if we have plans to be in it for a lifetime, that's a different story, and that's why I eventually got divorced,,, |
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WOW!!! I'm so desperately wanting to answer so many of the replies to this thread...maybe later when I have the time to truly contemplate some of these answers.
Married...single...separated (legally?)...dating within separations...right....wrong...moralistically/ethically unsafe...so many ways to look at it. And yet, here we all are....longing...hurt...pretending to have so much of ourselves together...wanting so deeply to find ONE person who will insure our happiness...our peace of mind. Approaching the twilight of our years....believing we have forever to live...yet fearing our mortality. Here we all are....wishing...wanting....clinging. When all along...all we really want is someone to whisper something kind and loving to us....to feel another body and soul next to ours...and breathe deeply of any resemblance of life's living without precautions and false interpretations of what life has...is offering. Nuff said....back to the grind. Y'all take care, now |
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WOW!!! I'm so desperately wanting to answer so many of the replies to this thread...maybe later when I have the time to truly contemplate some of these answers. Married...single...separated (legally?)...dating within separations...right....wrong...moralistically/ethically unsafe...so many ways to look at it. And yet, here we all are....longing...hurt...pretending to have so much of ourselves together...wanting so deeply to find ONE person who will insure our happiness...our peace of mind. Approaching the twilight of our years....believing we have forever to live...yet fearing our mortality. Here we all are....wishing...wanting....clinging. When all along...all we really want is someone to whisper something kind and loving to us....to feel another body and soul next to ours...and breathe deeply of any resemblance of life's living without precautions and false interpretations of what life has...is offering. Nuff said....back to the grind. Y'all take care, now Hmm, seems to me we have to ensure our own happiness rather than relying on someone else to do that. |
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WOW!!! I will give "btvs..." props for being so bold as to ask that question. Now, BT, here are the rules. You ever notice how many women get "outed" in extramarital relations versus men? Why is that? Trust me, the ladies here know that answer, and so do you. Think about it. And for just a subtle ear-whisper to you. A married man/woman should always seek another married man/woman for relations outside of their marriage. For the ladies who will want to castrate me for such advice...it was a woman who made me aware of that little gem of advice. [/quote Not the first time on this site I've heard extremely flawed logic, but this is just too hilariously insanely stupid advice!    WOW. JUST WOW. That is all. |
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Its totally wrong LOL Yet, you are dating while you are married? |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Wed 10/30/13 02:43 PM
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a marriage license doesn't really tell me what a persons relationship status is
many single people are in commitments,,but not (legally) married and many married people live completely single lives due to a decision not to involve government in their relationship decision I have to get to know a persons situation, let them explain the WHOLE situation, and take time verifying through interacting with them if it is true dating is out without proof that the person lives as a single perso and has no ties to the 'ex',,,,,I actually think meeting her would put my mind more at ease but I don't automatically assume someone not yet being divorced is the same as still being in a committed relationship ir it checks out, that someone is in reality single, but without having paid government to document it,,, its not a bother to me its only a bother if someone is in a commitment with someone in REAL TIME , with papers or not |
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Dating someone who is married and messes around is picking your poison. Pretty much goes for some one too lazy or selfish to file for a legal separation or divorce. People who tell me that "legalities" just are not that important tells me my rights are not that important and don't rate real high with me. Mostly because you know darn good an well their rights always matter to them. I can't say how it goes in other countries but in the USA all you have to do is go to the local magistrate and declare that you are indigent and you can file your own simple paperwork for a divorce for free. The only exception to that is if you don't want to, know how to, or have documentation that doing so is a danger to you then you have to have it done by publication. (It doesn't matter if it is some small town no name freebie for a few bucks or the cover of the New York Times.) Otherwise it is less than $50. My dignity is worth more than that. And I am sorry but there is no person on this earth that is worth me paying their way out of one marriage to marry me. Be enough of an adult to clean up your own mess and come to me free and clear or keep stepping. I would never ask anyone to pay for my divorce. and people can struggle without being indigent, making divorce an inconvenient and unnecessary expense as to rights, in a 'casual' relationship, I really don't feel the need to think that deeply about the other if we have plans to be in it for a lifetime, that's a different story, and that's why I eventually got divorced,,, If a person starts a relationship with someone who then has to double back and take the time, and money, and emotional energy to make themselves Single then is having to sacrifice what should already been an equal playing field to begin with. Divorce is always inconvenient. And usually has some cost. But how is it unnecessary to be honest and fully available if you are putting yourself out there as that commodity of being single? Clearly unless someone really has something you want long term then it is ok to not think that deeply about them? It is ok to misrepresent or use them until they earn your interest? That sounds incredibly dismissive and self-centered. It also sounds like justification for behavior I doubt you would enjoy if it were directed at you. Being used for the time being doesn't sound like something most people would tolerate. |
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as I have stated honesty and availability are not exclusively tied to legal marital atstus
I was no more or less available because of a legal document, the document only records my availability in 'the system' if someone is open and honest about their situation as in 'my husband and I Went seperte ways in 2008 but we never did get a divorce,, he lives in,,wherever, and I haven't talked to him in over year' having paid for a document doesn't make me any more or less available, except for MARRIAGE< and if I am honest about having that document in the first place, that person will understand that there will need to be a divorce before a legal marriage,, all that means is they need patience and trust, which throughout a relationship IM confident they will feel me worthy of I have been here before, Im not getting remarried until my affairs re in order and that would be true with or without papers of divorce and IF my affairs re in order, the divorce will not be very timeconsuming or inconvenient,,,, as opposed to the situation I am currently in,, with my affairs |
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a marriage license doesn't really tell me what a persons relationship status is many single people are in commitments,,but not (legally) married and many married people live completely single lives due to a decision not to involve government in their relationship decision I have to get to know a persons situation, let them explain the WHOLE situation, and take time verifying through interacting with them if it is true dating is out without proof that the person lives as a single perso and has no ties to the 'ex',,,,,I actually think meeting her would put my mind more at ease but I don't automatically assume someone not yet being divorced is the same as still being in a committed relationship ir it checks out, that someone is in reality single, but without having paid government to document it,,, its not a bother to me its only a bother if someone is in a commitment with someone in REAL TIME , with papers or not Actually a marriage license tells you exactly what their status is if you accept the common norm of values which is that person is part and committed to someone else weather they are happy about it or not. You are stealing from any spouse what is theirs by law until a judge says otherwise. Yes some people are deceitful and get the protections of marriage when it suits them and ignores it when they don't but more often than not it is so they can keep a unfair share of assets or custody that they would not retain if the facts were known and the marriage was not a fraud. Thinking you are entitled to interview an ex or a current live in just knocks me out. One is not entitled to dictate the life or decisions of a third party for their own peace of mind or justification that you offer or might receive more from a relationship than them. Ok so if a third party decides that the person is not "really" married they can just wish that fact away? Sounds pretty selective honesty. And it is ok if someone directly lies to you it's ok? I doubt that. I really doubt someone being in a relationship currently backed up with the public promise and license of marriage or some fast pillow talk will make a difference if you want to rationalize away your opinion that it is ok to do what ever meets your desires at the moment. Past behavior is the best indicator of current or future behavior. |
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I could never date someone that is married, simply cuz if they are willing to date behind their spouses back, how can I expect them to be faithful to me. I have been on the receiving end of a cheater, trust was gone and it wasn't coming back.
Cheating does not only mean sex, if they feel the need to date outside the marriage but feel that it is ok to stay married, it's time to move on and find someone that isn't spoken for. |
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I could never date someone that is married, simply cuz if they are willing to date behind their spouses back, how can I expect them to be faithful to me. I have been on the receiving end of a cheater, trust was gone and it wasn't coming back. Cheating does not only mean sex, if they feel the need to date outside the marriage but feel that it is ok to stay married, it's time to move on and find someone that isn't spoken for. 
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Edited by
ridewytepony
on
Thu 10/31/13 12:00 AM
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I was thinking more of sloppy seconds, too....gross.....  Nah they come in soft, half chum ,3/4 hard & full ons all so range from tiny weiny,small,average, big, huge,gross and freak c o c! judgment is in the eyes of the beholder not the hands of the holder.. but never ever sloppy  |
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I was thinking more of sloppy seconds, too....gross..... Nah they come in soft half chum 3/4 hard & full ons all so range from tiny weiny,small,average, big huge,gross and freak c o c judgment is in the eyes of the beholder not the hands of the holder.. but never ever sloppy I just threw up a little. Actually I just threw up a lot.... |
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I was thinking more of sloppy seconds, too....gross..... Nah they come in soft half chum 3/4 hard & full ons all so range from tiny weiny,small,average, big huge,gross and freak c o c judgment is in the eyes of the beholder not the hands of the holder.. but never ever sloppy I just threw up a little. Actually I just threw up a lot....  yeah well its not a sword swallowing competition. Can you say gag reflex
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Edited by
paintecards01
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Thu 10/31/13 01:28 AM
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WOW!!! I will give "btvs..." props for being so bold as to ask that question. Now, BT, here are the rules. You ever notice how many women get "outed" in extramarital relations versus men? Why is that? Trust me, the ladies here know that answer, and so do you. Think about it. And for just a subtle ear-whisper to you. A married man/woman should always seek another married man/woman for relations outside of their marriage. For the ladies who will want to castrate me for such advice...it was a woman who made me aware of that little gem of advice. [/quote Not the first time on this site I've heard extremely flawed logic, but this is just too hilariously insanely stupid advice! WOW. JUST WOW. That is all. Now evidently these word of wisdom came from a female acquaintance of his. so its female logic,isn't that an oxymoron..lol of cource I'm joking...oooor I'm I  |
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Edited by
ridewytepony
on
Thu 10/31/13 12:51 AM
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I don't swallow.  what do you do? Strangle it with two hands think of the poster with the captions reading "Never Give Up" It was a pelican eating the frog and the frogs hands are around the pelicans neck chocking the pelican thats what that reminded me of..lol see if you could find that and post it?  If a black stork brings black babies & a white stork brings white babies then what brings no babies ? Two swallows |
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2 a.m. and the topic is cheating with a cheater...lmafao! Well misery loves company..But we as a species tend to split hairs when it suits us. But if we are wronged.....well gunfire has been known to erupt!! I can remember being 18 19 and 30 40 and knowing my friends wives girfriends would corner me for a ..."new years"..kiss and bury their tongue down my throat. Some would try more but it sickened me to the point I lost some good friends.I never felt anything for someones else partner yet we covet that we see as beyond our means. never thinking past getting the skirt high enough....then......it"done bra..no going back and I seen agony in peoples eyes and lives for a quickie...Do as you wish! Do NOT complain to me of the consequences you bring upon your soul...:):)
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a marriage license doesn't really tell me what a persons relationship status is many single people are in commitments,,but not (legally) married and many married people live completely single lives due to a decision not to involve government in their relationship decision I have to get to know a persons situation, let them explain the WHOLE situation, and take time verifying through interacting with them if it is true dating is out without proof that the person lives as a single perso and has no ties to the 'ex',,,,,I actually think meeting her would put my mind more at ease but I don't automatically assume someone not yet being divorced is the same as still being in a committed relationship ir it checks out, that someone is in reality single, but without having paid government to document it,,, its not a bother to me its only a bother if someone is in a commitment with someone in REAL TIME , with papers or not Actually a marriage license tells you exactly what their status is if you accept the common norm of values which is that person is part and committed to someone else weather they are happy about it or not. You are stealing from any spouse what is theirs by law until a judge says otherwise. Yes some people are deceitful and get the protections of marriage when it suits them and ignores it when they don't but more often than not it is so they can keep a unfair share of assets or custody that they would not retain if the facts were known and the marriage was not a fraud. Thinking you are entitled to interview an ex or a current live in just knocks me out. One is not entitled to dictate the life or decisions of a third party for their own peace of mind or justification that you offer or might receive more from a relationship than them. Ok so if a third party decides that the person is not "really" married they can just wish that fact away? Sounds pretty selective honesty. And it is ok if someone directly lies to you it's ok? I doubt that. I really doubt someone being in a relationship currently backed up with the public promise and license of marriage or some fast pillow talk will make a difference if you want to rationalize away your opinion that it is ok to do what ever meets your desires at the moment. Past behavior is the best indicator of current or future behavior. I am not a what, I don't see spouses as a what I am mine by natural law, and my husband belongs to himself as well if my husband agrees to let me go, ,no one is stealing me and vice versa its not about doing what meets my desire, its about facing reality about what a marriage license means or doesn't mean people are in commitments without marriage, that is reality its also reality that people have moved on, consentually, in their lives without getting divorced there are situations where dating someone who is still legally married would not bother me but seeing someone who isn't married but is obviously in a commitment would my bottom line is if they are in a MUTUAL commitment with someone else,, whether it is documented by government papers or not |
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I could never date someone that is married, simply cuz if they are willing to date behind their spouses back, how can I expect them to be faithful to me. I have been on the receiving end of a cheater, trust was gone and it wasn't coming back. Cheating does not only mean sex, if they feel the need to date outside the marriage but feel that it is ok to stay married, it's time to move on and find someone that isn't spoken for. I agree, cheating, is not ok however, if someone is living single , in their own life, not sharing it with anyone, but just has not yet had it documented that that is the case I don't consider it cheating, there is a consent to go separate ways just like there is a consent to have a commitment its a consent that doesn't require governments two cents or documentation to be mae |
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