How To Have Deep Conversations (With Examples)

Small talks are the number one killer of intimacy and meaningful relationships. To ensure that you find a spark with the person next to you, create an essence in every sentence and always convey information laced with value. However, small talk comes easiest, making deep conversations scarce but a necessity. 

happy couple laughing on a couch and drinking coffee, having a deep conversation
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Deep meaningful conversations are a recipe for long-lasting relationships. You’ll find it useful for keeping conversations going on our free dating site, mingle2 dating. So, you want to learn, with examples, strategies of having deep conversations with anyone? Then keep reading. 

How To Have Deep Conversations

Use Open-Ended Questions

We can direct people to a particular answer. While most of the techniques employed in doing so can be found in logic (philosophy), employing them requires much more. You don’t ask loaded questions except you’re interrogating a person, or seek to con someone into something. It’s the same thing with wanting to go deep with someone, with conversations. 

Close-ended questions will leave you with Yes/No answers. For example, if you asked your match “Did you enjoy work today” you’d most likely get a Yes answer and if you’re lucky, a No. On the other hand, if you have asked “How was work today” there would be a bit more elaboration to the answer.

Since your goal is to get deep using conversations, it becomes imperative that you ask questions that elicit more than a monosyllabic response. 

Talk about your deep interests

Having a deep conversation starts with firing up a topic that you’re deeply interested in and which you’re also knowledgeable about. By doing so, you eliminate any shallow conversation pitfalls and focus only on important details. However, overdoing it can leave your partner bored, especially when you’re the only one interested in the topic. Nonetheless, talking about your deep interests is magical if you carefully execute them.

For example, you could bring up your interest in space exploration and how it could save the human race from any risk of extinction. From there, you both could have deep conversations about global warming, famine, poverty, and the host of other ills that have befallen earth. 

You don’t always have to talk about Earth and its problems. Find something that interests you but has the potential to go deep and has several branches that lead to other deep conversation starters. 

Talk with like-minded people

Unfortunately, not everyone will enjoy your interests, or even like deep conversations. So, it’s appropriate to search for people who enjoy deep conversations and not have to force your deep thoughts on a shallow mind. 

Exchanging deep thoughts with someone only interested in the weather or the scoreline of a football match will leave you exhausted and frustrated. 

Visit places like the museum, library, or anywhere you’re certain to find like-minded people with similar interests. 

Ask questions about the other person’s interests

Are you doing all the talking, single-handedly shoveling through the thick foundations of everyday life to reach a deep conversation spot without any visible progress? That might be because of a lack of focus on the other person. 

People would indulge you only for a while until boredom or disinterest kicks in. How do you resolve that? Simple, ask questions about the other person’s interests. But first, you need to figure out what interests them. Find those things that excite them and feast on them. They’ll be super excited to talk about their interests and all you need to do is ask questions that’ll help the conversation go deeper.

Don’t be scared to start small. Begin with small talks, no matter how shallow. For example, you could lead a gamer into answering questions about the neurological effects of video games on developing brains. However, before you throw any sorts of questions, be sure that the other person can provide an answer. 

Share something personal

According to a psychology study, people are more likely to disclose personal things about themselves if first, you disclose a personal thing about yourself. Sharing secrets with a total stranger makes them feel more comfortable, thereby allowing a free flow of personal information between both of you.

Notwithstanding the benefits of personal divulging, it’s important to have a line. For example, telling your new mate the genesis of a visible scar beats divulging details of a sexual problem.

Sharing deep information allows you both to skip the surface and mundane, thereby propelling the conversation straight into the deep, where you both talk lengthily about heartfelt topics. 

Again, be mindful of the things you share. Being personal doesn’t mean you need to spread your deep secrets. As much as people want to get personal, some things should remain personal. 

Bring up something you’re working on

Talking about work or a hobby? It’s tempting to go on and on about everything from the past except a recent achievement or endeavor. It’s quite difficult to draw a deep conversation from events that you may have trouble remembering its details. To resolve that, it is advisable to discuss events and topics that are way closer. 

Tell your match all about your recent promotion or an accomplishment. This shows that you value the person. It also helps them understand you better and opens doors to deeper conversations. 

Have conversation starters handy

Humans love to trust their instincts and memories, even after years of constant disappointment. For example, an idea drops into your head, and instead of writing it down, you choose to store it in your head, believing that you’ll always remember only to be shocked 5 minutes later. The same thing happens with having deep conversations. 

Showing up without deep conversation starters in your hand leaves you exposed. It’s best to prepare beforehand. Think of who you’re meeting and invent deep conversation starters that agree with the person. For example, if you’re meeting a lawyer, formulate conversation starters around justice and crime.

You could say: the justice system is only tough on small criminals while it pats the back of the wealthy in society. You don’t have to be hard on your date with societal problems unless they’re open to the topic. 

Allow the conversation to flow

Forcing questions and your ideas on people will only push them away, thus, reducing the level of depth in the conversation. Instead, you should allow the conversation to flow. Let it take its natural course and all you need to do is follow. 

Whatever your end goal is, don’t look to achieve it at the start of the conversation. Are you trying to convert a person? then learn to understand and accept their beliefs first. Don’t force ideas or beliefs on anyone unless you’re ready to risk losing them.

Instead of putting you and your partner in an uncomfortable spot, ask questions about their ideas and beliefs. Try to grasp what underlies those ideas before you try to introduce yours. Such exchange will enable you both to have deep conversations without any form of hostilities. 

To avoid a show of ignorance, learn about new ideologies and cultures beforehand

Avoid arguments

Arguments immediately kill any hope of having deep conversations. People become defensive during arguments, therefore shutting themselves out of the conversation. All they care for is getting their points across without listening to the other party. You can avoid getting into arguments by staying clear of small talks in politics and social issues. 

Political arguments usually spiral out of control easily, with both parties talking from their ideological corners. But it doesn’t mean politics is off-limits. If you’re familiar with the person, then talk politics in the third person. 

For example, you could say A part of the population believes the problem with the economy is the weak foreign policies of the federal government. 

By going this way, you eliminate the risk of a confrontation. Instead, the person would be inclined to correct or support whatever you may have heard. However, not everyone would be this way. Pay attention to the person’s body language and change the topic accordingly. 

Talks about dreams

Remember the enthusiasm that filled your lungs when asked about your dreams as a kid, well that enthusiasm remains in us, even as adults. People are more likely to engage you in a deep conversation if the topic is about them and their dreams. Also, dreams reveal a lot about a person. 

Start with asking about their current job and naturally move towards their dreams. For example, you could say: Does having a dream job reduces stress, and if so, why shouldn’t we encourage the labor force towards their dream jobs to foster productivity. 

You don’t have to draw questions from your magic hat. Follow the conversation and formulate your questions from it. You could also talk about defunct and abandoned dreams and the events surrounding them. 

Ask for advice

Show a little vulnerability and watch how people dig deep in thoughts for you. Asking for advice makes people talk more about their personal experiences, giving you an insight into their lives and adds life to the conversation. Since they know all the events surrounding their lives, it becomes easier to get deep in no time.

For example, if you ask for relationship advice, your listener is likely to offer you advice using his past relationships. You can then ask questions that’ll make the conversation deeper. 

Asking for advice also makes people your ally, therefore giving them an incentive to want to help you. 

Tips For Having Deep Conversations

Without the right tips and techniques, the best deep conversation starters won’t do much. Combining these tips with the above-mentioned examples guarantees deep conversations with anyone. 

Be mindful of the environment

Trying to indulge someone in a deep conversation in a club will only leave you disappointed and exhausted. Take note of the environment before you employ your deep conversation starters. If you want to achieve success, then make sure that the environment is conducive.

Your environment has a huge impact on the direction of your conversation. Avoid distractions and noise. Also, don’t force deep thoughts on people who care only about having fun or are focused on something else.

Start with small talks 

Another technique is starting with small talks. When you get a match on the mingle2 dating site, you wouldn’t start bamboozling them with the deep thoughts of Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet. Instead, you start small and work your way to the deep. Being too intense might turn off even those who value deep conversations. 

Use questions to take the conversation deeper. Avoid out of the blue statements but instead, drive towards the deep organically with free-flowing questions. 

Presume your conversation partner is deep in thoughts 

Don’t defect the conversation before it starts. Assuming that your match is dull or lacks the skills to engage in meaningful conversations would prevent you from asking deep questions. You’ll remain shallow and superficial, never attempting to pass that stage. Instead, bear in mind that your match has some deep thoughts and can venture deep into any conversation. Doing so enables you to ask them anything and go to any level. 

Don’t look down on anyone, as you’ll mostly live your life shocked. Place people at a reasonable status and shoot your questions.  

Be open-minded 

Lastly, be open-minded. Don’t start a conversation with a closed mind as you would learn nothing. It’s best to open yourself to new experiences, and new beliefs. Stubbornly holding on to your assertions and ideas only restricts you from assimilation, thereby preventing you from going deep in the conversation.

Deep conversations are not a result of magic. They take effort, skills, and knowledge to pull off. You’ll need to understand the art of deep conversation to succeed on the mingle2 dating site, as it helps you to better understand your match. 


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I edit posts for this Mingle2 online dating blog. I love articles about dating, useful tips for online dating, and all the information related to it. Hope these articles will be useful to you.

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