Is She Flirting with You or Is She Just Being Nice?
Is She Flirting with You or Is She Just Being Nice?

So how do you know if she’s flirting with you, and how can you tell if she’s just being nice? This is probably the oldest question in the world, and because it has never been definitively answered, it will continue to be a question for all men. The truth is women often communicate through signals other than plain speaking for a number of reasons, some of which could be that many women are trained to not be overly assertive in asking for what they want; they feel shy about stating romantic intentions openly and want you to get the hint and make the first move; or they enjoy the process of getting to know you along with the thrill of seeing how you respond to their flirtations. But how do you know if she’s into you or if she is just being friendly and polite? Sometimes the two can look very similar.

There’s sometimes no definitive way to tell, so you’ll need some good contextual clues to help you out. If you know her well and she suddenly starts acting differently around you, the following might be good flirting giveaways:

Blushing and Giggling

Nearly every time she sees you or talks to you, she starts blushing and/or giggling. Not all girls blush and giggle, but when the object of their affection is near, they might not be able to help doing it just a little bit. Does she flush a little pink as you chat? Does she seem eager to laugh at your jokes and keep the conversation light-hearted? These are good clues she is flirting with you.

Touching You

Some people are more touchy-feely than others, so a quick hug from her or a hand on your arm could be natural behaviour for her and doesn’t mean she’s dying with love for you. If she hasn’t often touched you in the past, however, and now suddenly finds an excuse to playfully hit you or touch you casually, it’s very likely she’s flirting with you.

When you don’t know a girl well, figuring out if she’s flirting or just being nice is more difficult. Some girls are just kind people who pay attention when you speak and are interested in who you are even if they aren’t thinking of you romantically. Here are some good clues to check for in situations where you have just met someone. The more of these clues that show up during a conversation, the more likely it is that she’s flirting.

Eye Contact

People generally try to make eye contact with those they are interested in. If she refuses to look you in the eyes and seems disinterested in what you are saying, she’s probably not into you. If she makes frequent eye contact, however, and responds to what you are saying (often with a smile), she is probably flirting.

Leaning In to Talk to You

Leaning toward someone you like is part of open, inviting body language. Even if you’re in a loud place and just struggling to hear each other, note how much she leans in toward you. Does she bring her face to within about six inches of yours? Does she allow her shoulder, arm, or hand to accidently touch you without immediately breaking contact? Does she lean in and make deliberate contact by touching your arm or back or your chest? If she’s just being nice, she will probably avoid physical contact. If she’s touching you frequently, she’s most likely flirting.

Touching Her Hair or Her Neck

If she’s swishing her hair around or touching and playing with it, she probably wants you to notice her and is flirting with you. If she playfully touches your hair, she’s definitely flirting. Same goes with her neck: if she briefly strokes her neck during your conversation, she’s romantically interested in you (this does not include scratching her neck). If she strokes your neck, she’s getting really close to you and is flirting.

Smiling and Laughing

A girl could smile and laugh at your jokes if she’s just being nice, but if she’s smiling and laughing a lot and you aren’t a professional comedian, she is probably flirting. Watch to see if her smile reaches her eyes. The more her eyes smile along with her mouth, the more likely it is that she’s interested in you. Polite smiling and laughter can also reach the eyes, but it will be more subdued.

Asking for Your Number, Suggesting You Do Something Together, or Asking if You Want to Get Out of Here

All these are good indications that she’s flirting—especially the last one.

Girls can be complicated and difficult to understand, and when they don’t plainly say the things they are thinking, it can be frustrating to try and figure out how they feel about you. Hopefully, these clues will help you pick up on subtle (or not so subtle) messages.

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