Oh, I don't know.

The further along I've come, the more I suspect that the subconscious/conscious concept is an oversimplification. Useful to recognize how we don't directly have our entire selves in one single level of awareness, but too limiting to accurately explain how an individual person behaves.

For one thing, calling it "subconscious" implies that it's all hidden from us, when it really isn't. Some is, to be sure, but a lot more isn't so much hidden, as it is like things in the background of a photograph. Everyone can see that while you're showing off the first cake you baked all on your own in the foreground, that your kid brother is calmly picking his nose and eating it in the background.

In other words, a lot of the time, what some people call "subconscious," is really just another part of what is quite conscious, but just not what's being focused on at the moment. But calling it "subconscious," can imply that a person isn't responsible for it, when they really are.

I know that "being an introvert" is exactly the way to describe it.

I didn't CHOOSE to be an introvert, I was one from birth.

It's in the fabric of how my body chemistry works (and doesn't work); in whatever it is about the physical structure of my brain, that makes me think at the pace that I do; and especially in whatever it is that causes ME to have one emotional reaction to something, while non-introverts have an entirely different reaction.

As others have alluded to, I had to slowly discover why it is, that when I do and say the same things I hear other people do and say, that people don't react to me the same way (positive or negative) as they do when those other people act as I am copying them do.

I think a lot of us as children, think deep inside, that we expect to enjoy the same things that everyone else around us seem to enjoy. Those of us who aren't surrounded by very similar people (by chance), can end up very confused by finding we actually don't enjoy the same things.

Heck, even the fact that I don't shrug my shoulders at such times, and dive back into whatever the shared activity is, means that I AM an introvert.

Well, "ugly" is, as they say, in the eye of the beholder.

Very few people are "universally" ugly.

I'm not ugly to EVERYONE, and I'm not broke, for what little that means.

I figure everything is relative. I'm "ugly" relative to some peoples desires and not others. I'm "poor" relative to some peoples hopes, and not others. I'm certainly obnoxious relative to some peoples sensibilities, and not others.

Not quite sure what you mean.

I've by now been involved as friend or relation to many people who were injured or ill or otherwise unavailable for long periods, sometimes ending with their death. I've always thought that problems like these were normal.

I suppose you could say, I was lucky enough to be unlucky early, so I never got the idea that life was supposed to be all fun.

Now. If a person I was developing friendship or more with, told me suddenly that they would be unavailable for, say, six months, because they were going on a sabbatical of some kind, I might conclude that it didn't make sense for me to invest in them emotionally, since they would be losing contact by choice.

But the intervention of injury or disease wouldn't affect me that way.

Easy to self-righteously say, but rarely useful.

Most people have to find out after they try, that they "aren't ready."

Plus, plenty of us are very much "ready for love," we just aren't ready for what YOU have in mind for it. "You" meaning the general "you," not attacking anyone specific.


Something I've seen happen many times, is that two people meet, both eager for something real and long lasting, and each attracted to the other at least initially.

But I also keep seeing that people have something like "trajectories." They often don't even notice that they have direction and force behind their hopes, they just feel the energy of it.

And so they jump in, when someone seems inviting. But if their "trajectories" are different, they'll end up causing problems for each other, by the way they each try to make everything work.

And then, I very often see one of them angrily say "you weren't ready for love, you shouldn't have led me on."

Oh heck. All us guys are God's gift to women. Unfortunately, there's a well established easy returns policy in place, and a lot of them aren't afraid to use it.

Just one of a myriad of sneaky things that have been built into basic dating since forever.

In some areas, for example, young eager daters will invite someone to try something like, oh, say, to play beach volleyball. Nominally about shared interest in sports, while actually providing an extended opportunity to inspect the other person in a bathing outfit, posturing in all sorts of ways.

People have been known to arrange dates at fancy venues (museum presentation dinner kind of stuff), nominally to check for shared interest in things historical, but actually to check whether or not they know how to, and have the wherewithal to show up in formal wear.

Something to watch out for, is how lots of people do exactly the same thing, but use different tricks to accomplish it.

Most people have "checklists" which they try to fill in, at least those who are directly "on the prowl." However, not all of them are direct in how they go about sorting things out, so it can appear that they are looking (for example) for character rather than looks alone, while actually, they are using "character tests" as a way to more intent;y inspect physicalities.

Virginia is another state where the response to Covid has been what I would call "measured," so we don't have the stuff some people claim is going on (no police stopping every person for explanations or anything like that).

The panic kicked in the day that the NBA announced they were shutting down the season. 100% of all paper products were gone from the shelves by the end of that day, and few have returned. There are rumors of toilet paper at a Walmart, but there's a line outside it too long for me to get in yet.

Most of the states businesses shut down, and I suspect this was due more to insurance companies (or fear of them) than anything else. MANY layoffs, firings, and "furloughs" (which is just a softer sounding word used on place of "firings").

I'm officially one of the "essential people," because I fix/maintain the computers that EVERY part of the country use to make EVERYTHING else work.

I was not among the first two rounds of layoffs at my company, so I'm still working 8 hours a day, but now instead of driving fifty miles a day, I have to drive three hundred or more.

We still have traffic jams and huge backups in some areas, I don't know why. News reporting has always been fairly low quality (as in not reporting enough of what's happening, not as in lying per se), so unless something catches fire and sends huge flames and billowing smoke into the air covering half the county, no one says anything about whatever it is.

In my neighborhood, there are people walking dogs and children every day, still smiling, keeping their distance.

We definitely have the same percentage of self-centered jerks as seem to be everywhere. Somewhere in the two to nine percent area, which APPEARS to be larger because as always, the self-centered jerks of the world are VERY loud, VERY energetic, and interfere with as much of everyone else's lives as they can manage to do. It shows up mostly as insane driving (going 100mph and weaving in and out of traffic at all hours), and hoarding.

I've long been a conservative, careful and logical budget shopper, so I already had a stock of toilet paper, and haven't run out yet. Almost out of paper towels though.

Worst thing is, I can't visit with my handicapped child, who isn't able to understand why I can't come.

I don't know how things were in generations before ours, but since the spread of mass multimedia (movies, mainly), the idea that life follows scripted story lines, that can be rapidly recognized, has become pervasive.

Lots of people think they know your whole character from one small experience with you, because they genuinely think that the stories commonly told, are honest and accurate.

But of course they aren't. Or at least, it's no were NEAR as easy to figure out which "script" you're in, than many people think.

I THINK this is a gripe about word use and misuse.

I can definitely side with what I think msharmony's complaint is about: people (especially on dating sites) using the word "preference" incorrectly.

When enough people call something a "preference" that isn't accurately described as a "preference," a lot of other false things are implied as well.

It's why I am thought of as a picky grammarian by a number of people.

I'm not sure I'm all that happy with saying some things are a "choice" or not, by contrast, though. She and I might differ there. My sexual "orientation" sure as heck isn't a "preference" or a "choice." To me, "choice" implies that I COULD pick something else. "Preference" implies I actually WOULD take the other, if the one wasn't available.

That I am always 100% loyal to whoever I love, is absolutely a "choice." I want credit for the fact that I do not betray others for personal gain or pleasure, ever.

That I don't ever try to have casual sexual trysts while I'm not committed to someone else isn't a "preference" for me either. If I allowed someone to say it was, that would imply that I'm entirely happy to go that way, when I'm not. As Msharmony says, "preference" means "I like both things fine, I just like one slightly more than the other."

Actually these days, the dare would be "shaking hands." Or maybe "taking the masks off."

A lot of stuff on that list is dependent on details not included.

It's not true, for example, that funding going to Social Security has nothing to do with the problems caused by the virus mess.

Something that very politically biased article completely ignores, is that in addition to the fact that Congress (no matter who's in charge) rarely passes any spending bill that is devoid of politically related items, ALSO always suffers from what could be called "Unfortunate Naming Convention Syndrome."

That is, that just because the TITLE of one or more elements doesn't sound related, doesn't mean that it isn't.

I always remember a particular congresspeople I came to strongly dislike back in the last century, who promoted himself every year, by ostentatiously claiming that all sorts of spending was entirely silly, and listing the titles of various bills accordingly. Someone in the media finally began doing more than just printing the titles, and looked into what the spending was really about, and found that nine times out of ten, it was important, even critical work being done, that just SOUNDED silly.

One thing I remember especially, was spending to develop a canon to shoot raw chickens.

The title was basic, and said something about shooting raw chickens, so it made a great headline for the congress guy who wanted to get reelected for "saving taxpayers from silly spending," but what he'd actually done, was tried to block the development of testing equipment to make airplanes safer from lethal birdstrikes.

So don't be so quick to pounce on spending bill titles that don't fit your prejudices right off the bat. They MIGHT be bad ideas, but chances are there's a lot more to it than whichever professional self-serving "griper" wants to believe.

I think getting married is the only easy part.

The hard things, are being married, and even harder, locating someone who actually likes me enough to think about marriage.

But I support your list overall.

I think Faith in love and faith in the idea of marriage is rather important too, perhaps the most important things. I'll bet those are built into your list somehow.

Hmm.

Point of view, or semantics perhaps...

but I think its possible to have repeated reassurance that someone is desirable as a person. A little like repeatedly allowing yourself to be convinced that you are right to be with them.

Maybe that's what "contentment" is.

I always thought "txtxspeek" was invented as a combination of saving characters for the very short era where we had to pay by the amount of text, with people who like to feel "clever."

Lots of slang is mainly all about establishing who's "in" and who's not.

As for technology, I noticed a while back, that finding ways to misuse it is always the second thing people start looking to do, the moment it's available. It's sort of a side effect of natural creativity.

I try to avoid being prejudiced about this, in relation to the exact individual.
But it certainly is one of the most illuminating facts about humans, that direct experiences of any kind, do cause us to change greatly.

The really tricky thing is, that it's rarely possible to predict HOW experiences will affect someone, or how the differences between what I've become and what they have, will shape how and if we can relate.

One thing I want to point out about this, is the element of life-timing, relative to expectations.

What I mean is, is that I recognized a long time ago now, that most people develop a fairly far-reaching storyline of life expectations for themselves. How each of us react to having our expectations met or not, has a ton to do with how we behave towards each other. People whose expectations are being met, tend to be more relaxed and open, while those whose expectations were upset, are often fearful or resentful.

So it's not only important WHY someone doesn't have children at this stage of their lives, it's even more important how they react to this, and what they expect a new mate to do about it.

It's fairly common, especially among the young, for people to think they've found the one-and-only, and to make dramatic romantic announcements to each other, but then gradually discover that most of real life is made up of the mundane and boring things required to make lives for themselves.

As they learn that with whoever they made the grand loving pronouncements to, they often don't explain as they go along, that they are slowly beginning to think that they jumped into proclaiming true love too soon; instead, they become more quiet, and stop repeating the love talk, and retreat into being quiet, as they sort things out.

Lots of younger people especially, decide to start pursuing an alternative person, often not even consciously, as a fall-back, or even just as a less serious person to spend time with as they continue to figure out themselves.

In my experience, there's nothing to do about this, but accept it, and cope with the disappointment of it. It's a normal and very common learning process that a majority of humans have to go through, because no one can learn how love and life works by imagining it in advance. We all have to learn by direct trial and failure.

I think it's complicated.

Not all secrets should be revealed, and even more complex, is that the way some secrets are revealed can cause more trouble than is solved.

Although I very much want those in positions of power to be held accountable for their actions, and I have been pleased more than concerned about many instances of "leaks," I have seen as well, how "leaks" can be used to lie using the truth, or can be done so sloppily that great harm is done.

Regardless of whether you want to believe that Trump won the Presidency due to wikileaks, it is a fact that Assange eagerly and blindly allowed himself to be used by the Russians to promote their interests at the expense of the United States as well as many other European nations. This is similar to how other leakers allowed the Bush administration to use them to endanger an American (Valerie Plame) in order to serve the goals of the Republican Party, at America's expense.

As with so many things, the business of "speaking truth" by leaking information isn't a universally heroic act. And Assange in particular appears to me to be dedicated to his own ego, and not to truth or justice.

Faith.

Not so much in gods and the like, I mean faith in the idea of love, faith in the idea of living to make the relationship work, and faith in each other.


People wont do any of the work required to maintain and grow a relationship, unless they believe in the idea that work is required.