Quit laughing. Its a dangerous mission. I'm already injured in the line of duty on this mission! I cut myself shaving! MEDIC! MAN DOWN!

Dear diary, my dad is cracking me up. He's in the hospital with pneumonia. And he's not happy about it. I stayed with him till they booted me out last night. I told him if he needs anything just call me. He called this morning. Said the hospital food is s**t. Told me to run down to the park and grab a couple of chili dogs and a beer and sneak em into him in the hospital. So I'm on covert operation "chili dog". Wish me luck. Dangerous mission. Quit laughing. The communist terrorists I faced in combat are no match against obnoxious overweight day nurses! I must be stealth! Mission first! No man left behind! Whoo ha!

Quit laughing! It tickles!

There's nothing worse than having sex on the bed, you're on top, she's on the bottom, and her cat sneaks up behind you and starts licking your butt with that sandpaper tongue. Its a showstopper.

Sheeeeeeeeiiiitttt, its only saturday morning and I've only got 45 emails I had to reply to. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Could have something to do with courtesy, respect, and being able to hold up conversation. "Hi, you're Hawt" doesn't hold up well.

Its expensive to mail a fart to england.

.....but she's drunk, flat on her back, legs in the air, rubbing herself, and going "Purrrrr, purrrrr, purrrrr"!!!

Never use spurs on a horse. Its inhumane. Use em on your girlfreind. Ha ha ha!

I will leave you with this thought......humans are the only animals on this planet that can control their own destiny, yet kill their own kind.

Gee I wonder how animal cops cable tv show got so popular? Oh that's right- because some people actually have compassion, common sense, laurels, and moral and ethic beliefs when it comes to the rights and ethical treatment of pets. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. All those animal abusers you watched sickeningly and completely horrified. Would you date one? I didn't think so. Not dating material. And I'm a cat hater because I'm allergic to cats. Want some more albacore pinky? "Meoooww".

Think I'm crazy? I got 2 words for you......michael vick. Dog murderer, and sued for giving herpes to a woman. Not dating material. What a winner. Should have a big W branded on his forehead. But that's just my opinion.

Think I'm crazy? You see those news articles on tv and in the newspaper every day on crazy cat ladies with 150 starving cats and 25 rotting corpses in their house. Not dating material. Sorry.

....the answer lies in whether they take care of their pets with respect, love, and extremely responsible care. Or whether they use them as a toy crutch for their sociopsychotic neurotic insecure behavior. Big difference between a pet and an abused, confined imprisoned animal. You can tell wholeheartedly how YOU are going to be treated in a relationship by the way they treat their pets. Want to know how YOU are going to be treated? Ask their pet. "MEEEEEOOOWWWRRRRRR"!!! "What's that fluffy? She locked you in the closet for 2 days because you peed on the carpet in the den because the mountain of crap in the litter box was so high and smell was so bad you couldn't use it because she's a lazy twit? And she left you in the 158 degree car at the grocery store to get tampons till you passed out"? "Meow, purrrr, meow". "What's that fluffy? Run, forrest, run? Good advice"!

"MEEEEOOOWWWWRR". "What's that george"? "MEEEEOOOWWWWRR". "Oh! Don't date feral humans"? That's good advice.

I dated the supposed cat lover who didn't take care of their responsibilities as I described previous. It was nasty. And she labeled me a cat hater. Pinky (black female farm cat), and george (big rescue gray cat) and I are sitting here sharing a big package of albacore tuna together, laughing at her. Says I'm a cat hater. What do you think pinky? Meeeeeoooowww. That's what I said.... She's nuts.

"Oh! Cathair covered cathair. How quaint". "That's my cat you *******"! "Oh, sorry. I got worried when the ball of fur moved. Hmmmmmm, own 2 angora cats, but don't own a longhair catbrush. Hmmmmmm, had the cats 5 years you say? And you're sick with allergies, ear, nose, and throat infections all the time? Smoke meth much"?

And don't anyone tell me you haven't met or dated anyone like I just described. Because I won't believe you. And if you actually have not......you're very lucky.

I can tolerate cats. I cannot tolerate disgusting pigs.

And of course the lazy procrastinating potsmoking loser person with the disgustingly filthy catfur covered home that smells like catpiss is the first person to claim "You either accept me and my cats or you can leave! Hey! Where are you going?!! You're leaving?!! Fine"!

I'm terribly allergic to cats. But I like them. I just don't date disgustingly dirty irresponsible people who are ill capable of taking care of their cats, and have a filthy catfur covered home because they don't clean. Catfur covered spaghetti is just freaking nasty. Catfur toothbrush. Catfur covered linens. Catfur carpeting. "Oh! Its linoleum! Sorry, pig". Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm what's that nice ammonia piss smell? Oh forgot to change the litter box for a week? Nice!