I really enjoyed Israel, too.

I've wanted to see a fjord since a report on Norway I did when I was 8 yrs old.

.



.

LOL they hide and are too old.


.

Are you on hallucinogens right now?

had to cancel plans for the evening

headache

Sleepy

No. Get lost.

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 13-19)
[HuffPost]Hollis Miller HuffPost October 19, 2018


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Kid: Mom, look at all the candy wrappers in the trash can. Do you think someone broke in and ate the candy you bought for Halloween?

Me: Yes.
MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 18, 2018
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Didn’t bring a powerful enough DSLR camera to the pumpkin patch and now all the other parents are looking at me like I’m an unfit father.
mark (@TheCatWhisprer)October 13, 2018
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Whoever invented the term “goodnight” clearly was not a parent.
Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) October 15, 2018
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Me: So, what did you bring home from preschool today?!?

3yo: *sneezes*
Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 16, 2018
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I wish I could take a 12 minute power nap in the middle of the afternoon then effortlessly stay awake 6 hours past my bedtime like my kid
Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 16, 2018
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It’s only 7:30am, & I already had to yell, “Stop microwaving slime!” in case you wondered how my Friday is going.
Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 19, 2018
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome to parenting, now all of your hoodies have spare napkins in them
Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 15, 2018
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Ah, October: when you order your kid’s Halloween costume early so they don’t sell out, then spend the rest of the month keeping them from wearing and ruining it before the 31st.
SpacedMom (@copymama) October 14, 2018
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Me: What do you want for a snack?

4-year-old: Spaghetti.

Me: That's not a snack.

4: It is if you just make a little bit.
(@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2018
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Our youngest said she is old enough to pour her own juice which is why I’m mopping up juice
Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 18, 2018
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Shoutout to everyone who bathed their child with baby wipes tonight instead of a bath ‘cause you were just too damn tired to deal with another thing.
Y’all are my people.
MacgyveringMom22 (@MacgyveringM22) October 16, 2018
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Me as a parent: “We’re out of cookies now go to bed”
MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) October 17, 2018
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When you’re a parent, any “relaxation time” you have is just you doing chores or running errands without your kids.
Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 14, 2018
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If you need a reason to hate this younger generation, my son just said, “imagine if TVs were square”
Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 17, 2018
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Tonight, my four year old called us into the room so we could all hold hands. Then he told us he was the leader.
dadpression (@Dadpression) October 18, 2018
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Women who are both stylish and mothers, what’s that like?
Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) October 17, 2018
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just gave the performance of a lifetime of Let It Go.
*Exhausted, sweaty but feeling like I nailed it*
Me: "What'd you think of mommy's sweet moves?"
3yo: "Mommy, your body moves weird." *Leaves room*
Me: *takes one of her drawings off the fridge & throws it in garbage.
Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) October 18, 2018
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First kid: oh no did you get an owie? poor baby let’s get you a band-aid
Second kid and beyond: don’t bother me unless there’s an elevators-opening-in-the-Shining amount of blood
The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2018
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok, FitBit - if you’re not going to count tantrum-holding my toddler up the street for 15 mins or wrestling him into his car seat as exercise, then I’m not going to count my daily breakfast of toddler bread crusts or my nightly extra glass of wine as calories, either.
Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) October 18, 2018
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The preschoolers on this farm hayride are so adorable holding their tiny pumpkins and oh look someone’s kid just vomited in my lap.
Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) October 18, 2018
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Yes, I WILL miss this when they're older. But I fully reserve my right to bith and complain right now.
HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 16, 2018



@HuffPostParents on Twitter

I had 3 ACL and 2 meniscus injuries/surgeries 9 years ago.

All's good.

I don't need a list. I've known for years.

A mute, billionaire, attractive widower with no children, on life support.

I was born at 6:24 pm on 7/10
My 2 gramps died in 1964

oh, here's one - my kids and I were born on even numbered days - their dad was born on an odd number day - big surprise LOL.

My cat is a shaken-not-stirred calico, born 10 yrs ago.

is that thing kissing before showing flowers?

I don't understand the first post.

I receive miracles.

Maybe other side of my city - 7 million people.

It's not funny, and I came into the full knowledge of the severe mental problems of his mother, and its effect on him, until after married.

the problem was that he knew it and would not get help while promising for years.



.

Are you volunteering?

I have temporary hearing loss when they're here.

Any chance of M.D. Anderson?