I think I'd research just how well-preserved I could make myself with scotch and Marlboros.

pretty close, there's five spices...you forgot the Sweet Baby Ray's.

I think this is the first time I've ever heard a GUY say he had a Gyno appointment.....kinda weird

Irish Diplomacy is that rare gift, the art of such blarney, that you can tell a man to go to Hell in such a way, that he's actually looking forward to the trip.

I think the first time I heard that was Jerry Clower....I'd forgotten that one till now

WOOF!!!! yes!!! I actually laughed at this one...

~Cats~
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.



GOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

seen the list before, but hey...it's mostly true.

Here Kitty Kitty....
Don't look

naw...

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."


should read..."we're gonna be late if you don't hurry the hell up and get ready! I don't CARE what you wear!!!!"


everything else....bang on perfect.

The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.


not sure here in Florida, but you sure can't shoot duck off a horse...$328 fine....been there. Even had steel shot and duck stamps. Da,mn the luck...

I'm afraid the camera will steal a bit of my spirit...bit by bit I'll end up spending my afterlife in some creepy aunt's photoalbum

I cats....scattered, smothered, chopped and capped.
(All written in Waffle House letters)

the snopes.com headings for the stories are Corpus Crispy for the diver, and Blew Moon for the biker.

I've got a white oak in the back yard that was planted when I was about 5 or so. It's had acorns for fifteen or twenty years at least. I've seen some water oaks that were only a few feet tall with acorn buds.

one I use pretty regularly is "You just earned the right to suck my d***."

Hate to tell ya...the one about oak trees not producing acorns till after fifty is wrong...

To be honest...I don't really think the chamber ever c**ks. It's the hammer, even on semi autos that c**ks. Aside from that, a Colt always gets peoples attention. But Taurus makes some fine smaller framed shortrange pistols, perhaps a .22 mag with hollowpoints filled with mercury, sealed with wax? Or some other poison in a hollowpoint...I just suggested a .22 due to the concealability, accutacy at close range, and the spare ammo would not be too bulky if the assassin needed more. Good luck with the screenplay. Any more questions about guns and the like I'd be happy to give a shooter's answer.

There was a Dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral that said "Twas a brave fool that first ate an oyster."

sounds like a job ap for a politician

nailhead....meet hammer
hammer....nailhead


WHAP!!!!

I think you got it on this one...

I'd say camel, cause if ostriches are like the kind of bird my uncle's buddy raised, the spurs will screw you up, and don't think for one sec that they can't sling up a leg when you don't expect it. Jump uo on the camel's back and start biting it's ears off. Try to get your arms around it's neck while you're on it's back and choke it out. Then, curbstomp at the base of the skull where the spinal chord meets the base...a good stomp or two ought to have it, even barefoot.