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| Topic: Tool Man | |
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Good Gawd all of this sounds exactly like my father. If he couldn't fix something, and he always believed he had the power to, he would get so angry because his solution/s were not what was needed.
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Good Gawd all of this sounds exactly like my father. If he couldn't fix something, and he always believed he had the power to, he would get so angry because his solution/s were not what was needed. Was his name Bill? Or Carl William? |
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You know who would be perfect for this thread Feminine_Ned...err, Respectful_Ned...
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I don't know anything about goats, but I'll add my two cents to the topic.
 I've asked men why they do this, because most are well-intended and don't even know they do it! The response is usually that they feel useless if they DON'T try to fix it. Some don't understand that for many women talking things through CAN be the fix! Long story short, I've learned to start the conversation with, "Honey, you don't have to do a thing about this or try to fix it, but I'm feeling....." Action mode becomes listening mode....we're both happy! 
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Good Gawd all of this sounds exactly like my father. If he couldn't fix something, and he always believed he had the power to, he would get so angry because his solution/s were not what was needed. Was his name Bill? Or Carl William?  No. You mean there is another one out there??
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them.
Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. |
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Good Gawd all of this sounds exactly like my father. If he couldn't fix something, and he always believed he had the power to, he would get so angry because his solution/s were not what was needed. Was his name Bill? Or Carl William? No. You mean there is another one out there?? my ex-husband |
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I don't know anything about goats, but I'll add my two cents to the topic. I've asked men why they do this, because most are well-intended and don't even know they do it! The response is usually that they feel useless if they DON'T try to fix it. Some don't understand that for many women talking things through CAN be the fix! Long story short, I've learned to start the conversation with, "Honey, you don't have to do a thing about this or try to fix it, but I'm feeling....." Action mode becomes listening mode....we're both happy! Suppose but when it starts with "I'm feeling..." I assume it is emotional and keep my own words out of it, that and I'm likely to get people to hate me if I speak...so it equals out in the end. 
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" |
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. I can certainly understand, more than you know, the desire to stop the pain be it physical or emotional of the person you care about. However, sometimes we just need an ear, or a shoulder. There are times when some things can not be fixed. |
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. Very nice....
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" Hiker=Compassion vs. Darth=Assumption...*DING, DING, DING!* Fight fair, keep it...ah forget it, Hiker *raises hand in victory* 
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Well i think at times you can offer if there is anything you can say or do without just jumping with a fix.
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. and if it is not in your power to change? Then what? Be angry at the person for voicing those feelings? |
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Edited by
s1owhand
on
Thu 05/08/08 06:10 AM
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I'm Jewish. I fix nothing. Occasionally, I call a gentile to get it done but only when necessary. are you sure, CleanBathroom ?
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" Hiker=Compassion vs. Darth=Assumption...*DING, DING, DING!* Fight fair, keep it...ah forget it, Hiker *raises hand in victory* I just love those days when you are "on", Fear. |
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. and if it is not in your power to change? Then what? Be angry at the person for voicing those feelings? |
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. trying to get someone to change the way they feel because you have jumped through hoops is not compassion. Compassion is saying - "what would YOU like me to do.Just listen? OK. I will respect that" I'm not looking to fight with anyone but that is not accurate..compassion is defined as: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Maybe you are thinking empathy? |
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it is a matter of temperament and training.
there are many female fixers and many emo guys... fixers are just the roll up the sleeves typed and trained. emos are the sensitive and compassionate listeners. sex has nothing to do with it. except in bed. 
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I think when someone you care about expresses they are sad...it's only natural to have the desire to want change that for them. Call it ridiculous ignorant controlling or arrogant if you want but for me personally those words "just don't go there". I prefer compassionate. and if it is not in your power to change? Then what? Be angry at the person for voicing those feelings? What if they are upset, and maybe don't express things in the manner you would like, while still being respectful... but you just don't "like" how it was said to you? Do you lash out at them? |
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