Here is my problem:

I'm in love with my best friend.

Every moment that I am with her I and I can't hold her, kiss her, and tell her I love her is torture.

But living without her would be unbearable.

I broached the issue with her, she said she can only see me as a friend. But I can't seem to get over her no matter what I try.

I can't continue on like this, and I don't know what to do. Is it just my lot in life to be in pain?

The worst part is the terrible guilt I feel because I know that I am not supposed to feel the way I do, but I just can't help it. So now I am punishing myself for messing up a wonderful friendship on top of being lovelorn and heartbroken.

I am in major trouble here. I think I am a terrible friend. I think I am not worth anything because if the person that knows me better than anyone in the world can't truly love me, who possibly could? My mind is in turmoil and I can't think straight.

Someone please give me some perspective...or just shoot me...anything...

sounds what i just went through sorry hun i couldnt make him see me that way it's hard to deal with

Bang.

it's an impossible situation

I went thru the same thing last year. He thought he wanted me but when given the opportunity it scared the hell out of him and he ran....The kicker is he went and found a girl he said "so reminded him of me it was scarey" and the "she and I would hit it off and be great friends". Well, what the heck! I couldn't figure out why he had to go find someone just like me when he coulda had the "real deal"..!!!

I say...move on...there is someone out there for you!

By the way...he and I are still best friends and are still there for each other. I wish him the best always...

I'd say she DOES really love you, just not romantically. As for messing up your friendship with her - she is still there, isn't she?

Sorry to hear it. There are some things we can do nothing about and have to reason them out in our minds and hearts. It may take time, but now that you know she is not an option, you can start to deal with it. The sooner the better.

*bang*

Seriously while it is true your love should be your best friend it doesn't always follow that your best friend is your true love. Those 2 kinds of love aren't mutually exclusive. Take a step back and look at it from a distance. Are things truly messed up or is it just going to be strained for a while best friends are great at forgiving screw ups. So maybe she isn't in love with you that doesn't negate the fact that true friends love each other. And while I do love my best friends I don't look for the same things in potential loves as I do in best friends. Maybe she is the same this doesn't make you not a great guy just not her dream guy but who's to say you aren't someone else's dream guy. Give it some time and her a little space...things will get better...good luck~

This I understand all too well. My best friend in the world is the most remarkable man ever (hear me out as more is to come). We decided to take it to the next level, committing our selves to each other; yet only to find that this love we felt wasn't love worth marrying. Just because we seemed to connect on all necessary levels, certainly didn't mean we were meant to be as one. Because we're so concerned and devoted to such friendship; we tend to feel as though we're the one to protect, understand, complete, make adjustments to accomadate ones schedule, to make laugh, smile, cry, etc. It can easily be mistaken as love within a relationship.. opposed to loving a true & dear friend. I thought and still think highly of Michael and he is and forever will be a part of my life. It's when you allow your friendship to "just be" as it's supposed to, that you'll soon enough find someone who actually fits the definition and dream of "pure happiness & love." I have learned it the hard way, then again, in the most sensational way as well.

Don't get down on yourself. It's not necessary and will only keep your blinded eyes from seeing someone who is meant for you. Smile, life is wonderful and good things come to those who not only "wait" but to those who allow their "heart" to be open under realistic measures.

Good luck.. you'll be fine and so will your friendship, just as soon as you realize the depth of it.

Ok my good man... This is simple. She is your friend. Now if or not you want to admit it or not, something more than friendship was always kind of on your agenda... But, she likes you as a friend... (lucky you), keep it that way or you might run the risk of losing her as a friend. What is more important, your ego or having what could be a very good friend. Friends have benefits too

I agree.

Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you have more romantic feelings than she does. Good friends are few and far in between. Keep her as a friend! But you need to go through a grieving process to recognize that there will be no more than friends. If that means giving yourself some space from her for a while, and having non-common friends there as supports.

You probably want her to feel the same way that you do, but be glad that she was honest with you!

I've been in this position before a couple of times now, and it's not easy, but just relax and let things be. You'll be ok, and will find the right one, who will love you back the way you love them one day.

You have to accept the fact that it pretty much is what it is, at least at this moment. As much as you may want things to change, you can't change it. Hey it could be worse, would rather have her as a friend, or not have her at all? I had a great friend, who I ended up losing because my feelings for her got in the way. I still think about that sometimes, and it's tough to swallow, knowing I lost her completely like that. Don't make that same mistake......

The best way I can put this?... She thinks of you like a brother. You'll never lose her for that reason. As far as your most earnest feelings for her... I've been through this myself. When she gets a boyfriend that completes her... It'll be strange but refreshing, because you'll notice how your feelings just kinda fall away... In a good way. If you have a complete love for her like you say you do?... You'll be put to rest knowing that she has all of the things she needs. If you have a problem with that... It may be a little diferent than love, and more on the self-fulfillment side. In my experience... True love is unconditional to those you care about.

You know this actually happened to me with the one girl I knew that I nearly dated, but didn't, and had a hard time getting over. I found when she got a boyfriend things faded, though I suppose time played a role too as things changed. I realized then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Though it did sort of come back recently, those feelings after she broke up with the guy. I've kind of just accepted it for what it is though, better to have her as a close friend then not at all, as I said before.

Go out and get plastered together!
Start with Sushi and sake, then move onto more drinks.
Then let one thing lead to another

If you can't get it started from there then it definitely won't happen. If it doesn't happen or work then you two can always blame it on the drinks and remain friends.....

Alcohol has been hooking people up for centuries

This one's real simple. Accept what she says at face value, and move on. If it's too painful to just have her as a friend, you may have to chose to give that up too.

Thank you so much everyone.
It is comforting to know I am not the only one out there who gets into this sort of blunder.
Strangely it is also comforting to have someone else tell me it is a freaking impossible situation. It lets my mind rest a bit from trying to figure out what to do.

Sandradee + tanyaann: You are right, she is still there. I just be thankful just for that.

PragmaticMind: Thank you for the advice. I will try not to be blinded by my problems. I used to think there was always someone out there for me. I will keep trying to believe that, I guess I have to or my hope is just gone.

wraithme66: You are probably right, once she is happy I will be happy. However having said that, she is miserable. Maybe all of this is just me wanting to make it better. To save her.

Thank you everyone. This helped more than I had hoped.

Wow! I love your post ... so refreshing to see someone take the time to process the advice/input from others, to attempt to apply it, learn from it and then (most importantly in my mind) to sincerely acknowledge these people who gave their time and energy to try to improve your outlook. I wish you every happiness imagineable - whether it be with this girl, or not - your maturity and thoughtfulness are qualities any woman would be fortunate to find in a partner!

If you're really "In" Love with her you wouldn't just roll over and play dead (as if you weren't "In Love"), so apparently you just Love her as a friend. So then the advise that you're going to follow is probably best....

Look on the bright side, at least you have someone to go see "Sex in the City" with ...lol

Ok, first of all, there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. In all actuality, the idea of "friends first" is a more ideal way to find a long term love. Unfortunately too many men and women can't seem to accept the idea that your lover should be a close friend as well. Some seem to think this is someone you date and bang, others think the friendship should grow over time after the love is declared. No wonder so many couples are in trouble.

I think you need to come to grips with things. You need to accept that this woman is not interested in you, and that you have no chance of being more with her. You need to let that go and move on. You can be her friend, but quit thinking, hoping, and wondering if you could be more.

It's not terrible to love someone, but the only person you're being terrible to is YOURSELF. You're torturing yourself for this woman, and it'll get worse when she meets a guy she likes and wants to date him...or when she complains how she can't meet any decent guys.

You need to affix your mind and get over her. Maybe take a break and put a little distance, get yourself over her by not being with her all the time and such. If she asks, just say you're going through some personal dilemmas and you're dealing with them.