how do you pass the time? how do you get through the heartache..will it
last very long? how many days..

my ex and i have a one year old together...hes cheated on me over and
over...im head over heels in love with him..but i know that i must let
go..i've tried..over and over and over but i always end up back with
him..

i dont know which pain is worse...finding out that hes cheating..or the
pain of missing him and being without him..

trying to leave a relationship when you still love the other person is
sooooo difficult..

any help and support would be wonderful..

I can understand how you feel i have 2 kids my youngest is almost 2 and
my oldest is 6 and i have been going through the same thing with trying
to get over my ex. The best thing i can suggest is concentrate the enery
you use thinking on him instead on yourself. Think about what you want
to do and what you need to do for yourself and baby. We women tend to
get into this role where we think less and less of our self and more and
more and more about him. Dont focus or think much on romance books read
a murder novel instead dont watch romance movies watch NCIS or ER just
keep yourself away from things like that until you can deal with it.
take it in small steps one day at a time.

hope this helps if not i hope you feel better soon

thank you for your kind reply...i am sorry that you have had to endure
this, also..

and i keep waiting for the phone to ring..i think i hear it over the
washing machine or when i'm taking a shower..its nuts, really..haha

Just know that its not easy to get over someone but we all have to do it
sometime! What I do is get my friends together and we all go out,
doesn't have to be in a bar, maybe just out for dinner or to a good
movie.
He can't respect you to much because he is cheating on you, so don't
even give him the time of day. You are to good and can do so much
better! There are so many single men out there, why waste your time on a
cheater? Once a cheater always a cheater! Find a man that would be happy
to be with you and that will treat you the way you deserve to be
treated.
It might be a rough road to forget him, but well worth it once you are
over him!! Good luck and I am sure that if you give it time that you
will be happy that you walked away from the situation!!

thank you, unsure...its good to see you, btw..hope all is well with you!

just remember guys come and go, but Herpes is forever. If he is cheating
on you dump him before he gives you something penicillin won't cure

thanks tretia...thinks are fine!!
So very true Gardenforge--I was thinking that but just didn't say it.
You really don't know what he is going to bring you back.

You know, I used to be like that...being "head over heels in love" with
a guy who cheated on me over and over.

Well, you know what? That is not love. I think sometimes we confuse
emotional pain with the "hunger pangs" of what we perceive "love" to be
when, in actuality, all that is is self-doubt, self-hatred and
insecurity.

The guy doesn't give a DAMN about you. If he did, he wouldn't have had
the first affair, much less "over and over again."

Now, knowing that, how can you possibly love that scum-sucking,
cheating, disgusting son of a b****?

Ask yourself that, then see how long it takes for you to "get over" him.

You're a beautiful woman and you seem nice. There are men out there
who'd NEVER even consider cheating on you, and you're pining away for
this guy?

Makes no sense whatsoever.

You're pining for what you perceive "could have been," not for what
"really is." Wake up and smell the reality and realize this guy is
soooooooooooooo not good enough for you.

i like your attitude!!!! thank you for the grins, too!

i would be gone in a heartbeat if we didnt have a baby together..

but, excuses, excuses..huh?!?!

Tretia,

I broke up with my ex right after my daughter turned one. He looked at
me and told me that he would never be faithful to anyone, not even me.
That was my cue to walk out. It's not easy, but I will tell you this,
your heart does mend and with time it gets easier and better. Keep the
child in mind and try to be as friendly with the other parent as
possible. Most of all, keep you chin up and remember that you and your
child deserve better. I know how much it hurts and how hard it is to
walk away when you're heart is telling you otherwise.

We're here to support you!

lma

As far as how long it will take to get over him there is no timeline for
that it all depends on each person and how soon you find someone else
that treats you the way you should be treated. As far as what to do stay
busy with friends family and your baby it will all help in due time when
you start to miss him also think about what he did to you that is not
love at all. I left a marriage after 11 years with 2 kids to raise for
the same reason and would do it all over again now my kids are both
grown 15 yrs later and they are much better off that I made that choice
for I spent my time with them they are the ones that helped me and keep
me busy and it was all well worth it for we are closer today because I
put my time into them.

Hi Tretia, It will get better, no worries. What Jean said was obviously
true and probably is in virtually all relationships that don't go the
distance if you think about it (someone always seems to be hanging in
there for a preception that hasn't existed in years and is impossible to
obtain again...or even worse, for the Kids: as if they wouldn't be
better if both parents were happy and in a real marriage).

Anyway your problem at hand is getting over the lonelyness (since the
downside is taking the Dutchbag back)...right? The easiest way is coming
up with, or getting back into, a Hobby that takes your mind off of it.
As Unsure said going out with friends is great but the problem is you're
not going to have a slumber party with them all the time (which is when
the lonlyness really starts to bother you). Personally I like doing
house projects or making things but as long as you keep your mind
interested in it, it will work. Getting over the idiot is like kicking
any bad habbit (Over eatting, Tabbacco, Drugs, etc...) Just keep
yourself busy and your mind occupied and it will all come out good in
the end...

Can I recommend NOT getting hooked on another Guy to get over it;
because you're just replacing one guy with another potential loser! It's
always better to have your own interests to add a guy into than try to
find one that interests you while your smoothered in a relationship
(specially since you have kids)...

Tretia, if he's cheating on you, he obviously doesn't respect you. It
is very hard to leave someone that you love, but since you've been with
him for only one year, you need to convince yourself that he's NEVER
going to stop hurting you. I learned this through experience and wish
that I had known of this site many years ago.

I tried so hard to get my ex to counselling but he refused. I loved him
for the good person he was inside, but could no longer live with the
person he came to be. We ended up divorcing after 25 years of marriage
- this year would have been our 30th anniversary.

Take a step back, now look closely at all he has done for you or against
you.

Ok now make a list, c'mon do it...

Is one list longer ? Mentally and emotionally has he been there for you
ALWAYS ?

Love is blind, but once a cheat always a cheat.

i sooooo appreciate everyones support...for the record, we have been
together 2 1/2 years and have a one year old son...yes, i'm foolish,
i've been putting up with this for over two years now..sigh

and, yes, i know that i shouldnt rush into another relationship..we'll
see..

i dont usually pick losers..hes my first..and what a dinger..

Hey Tretia, I find good friends come in handy... Single friends are the
best, they know how to have fun without having to ask for permission.
The pain takes as long as it will take, my suggestion is to stay as busy
as possible... Anytime you find your mind wandering to him, get busy
doing something.. Stay active, I find the brain works allot less when
you are physically exerting yourself... It's hard I know, but you have
to do it for your own sake... You've spent how long thinking of him??? I
say it's high time you focused on you and the little one and get out and
have fun whenever you can... Don't rebound too soon, but if you do
rebound, it will probably end up being you that breaks it off when you
find yourself not needing anyone. You have a hole and you want it
filled, I say fill it to the brim with you and the tike. You are worth
enough to fill that big hole and then some... Just remember... You are
the cause and answer to all your problems... You just have to be
strong... I wish you the best.. :)

Leaving someone is never easy but what I found out if i look at the
truth and be honest with myself of what is really going on and I mean
see what is really going on I tend to look at things different and ask
myself if this is what I really want do I want the pain or go on with my
life

Tretia one thing you said was missing him the thing is to look at what
it is that you are actually missing and is it real? or is it just
something you would like to be real

Wow N8, "You have a hole and you want it filled"....

As Sluggo stands in the corner with his hand raised saying "Pick me,
Pick me"

Sorry, I couldn't let that one go Tretia (I know what he meant
)

hahaha sluggo..yeah i laughed when i read that too..i knew what you
meant n8..

i have to disagree with the respect thing..i may be fooling myself, but
i dont feel disrespected by him..because it is his nature..its just who
he is..he is a cheater and he always will be...

i said up above that hes a loser..but really, hes always been wonderful
in every other way..he has taken good care of us..we have sooooo much
fun hanging out together..we are silly..we enjy the same things..he
COOKS for me!!! lol..i am a horrible cook..and then lots of little
things..he listens so well to me..he buys me the perfect little
gifts..(i am not materialistic at all, but i love what he comes up
with)..every afternoon he turns dr. phil on for me, even though he cant
stand the man...i dont know..its just really tough letting go..

many of you have sent me emails and i thank you from the bottom of my
heart, for your support..how amazing to get online and share something
from my wee little life and have people from all over the country reach
out to me with such warmth..

thank you..

As hard as it is to leave you have to say that your own mental health is
more important and his behavior is not good for your own mental health