100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: The Ex - I feel guilty! | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
--It has been almost 2 years since I have run into my ex, much less talk to him. When the relationship ended, there was A LOT of bad blood spilled between us both. --Recently he found me on a dating site, sent me an email saying hi, etc and we moved from sending emails to chatting on yahoo. Because of what happened between us - or rather what happened TO me -my parents, dad particularly, HATES him (would jeopordize his job just to wring his neck). --I have his phone number and gave him a ring while he was on break this morning. I'm a grown woman, but I am terrified my dad will find out and be so disappointed...well, mom would too, she's just a bit more understanding. --We're only talking and I don't have any of those goofy, giddy feelings towards him when we do talk, so a relationship again with him is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Naturally, I still love him despite what happened and have long forgiven (a little harder to just forget). --I am glad to get a chance to talk to him because I never...we never...had true closure. Should my guilty feelings be a warning sign or should I take up drinking now to get rid of them? Lol --I know we all lose interest on such long posts- my apologies. Not to mention I rambled terribly...but if anyone has any insight or words to help me sort through these messy feelings, I would appreciate it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Naturally, I still love him despite what happened
doesn't seem natural to me 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Have a drink.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Closure is a good thing but be careful he may not feel the same way.
I have been dealing with a closure. My advice is to get it all out and just say hi to him in passing. GOOD LUCK! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
its time to move on......forgive him and let go!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
We all seek closure on matters , specially pertaining to the heart BUT I think these are normal feelings and as long as you DO NOT lead him on to thinking a unification may occur ??... you will be fine .. and tell Dad to lightenup a bit .. JMO of course
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have been in a relationship that ended badly, and believe me, it is MUCH better to close the door. Leaving it open, even just a bit just brings back old feelings and emotions like anger, hurt, and even worse, love. Don't put yourself through it. Period. Your parents would be right here. There is nothing good that comes from starting things back up with an ex that ended on bad terms. You can't really be friends with someone for real after they hurt you that bad. They just take advantage.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
robert1652
on
Fri 06/20/08 07:29 AM
|
|
--It has been almost 2 years since I have run into my ex, much less talk to him. When the relationship ended, there was A LOT of bad blood spilled between us both. --Recently he found me on a dating site, sent me an email saying hi, etc and we moved from sending emails to chatting on yahoo. Because of what happened between us - or rather what happened TO me -my parents, dad particularly, HATES him (would jeopordize his job just to wring his neck). --I have his phone number and gave him a ring while he was on break this morning. I'm a grown woman, but I am terrified my dad will find out and be so disappointed...well, mom would too, she's just a bit more understanding. --We're only talking and I don't have any of those goofy, giddy feelings towards him when we do talk, so a relationship again with him is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Naturally, I still love him despite what happened and have long forgiven (a little harder to just forget). --I am glad to get a chance to talk to him because I never...we never...had true closure. Should my guilty feelings be a warning sign or should I take up drinking now to get rid of them? Lol --I know we all lose interest on such long posts- my apologies. Not to mention I rambled terribly...but if anyone has any insight or words to help me sort through these messy feelings, I would appreciate it. you say this because you need a relationship which you haven't and the ex is there and easy to have 3 words it never works and is not worth finding out later alianating your parents in the process now go and do what you want |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's what I meant by 'naturally': we were together for 3 years and engaged. He was going to be my IT. I loved him then with a passion so great I thought it would consume me. Love like that just doesn't go away. It has transformed moreso into caring I suppose- not the deepness of before.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have been in a relationship that ended badly, and believe me, it is MUCH better to close the door. Leaving it open, even just a bit just brings back old feelings and emotions like anger, hurt, and even worse, love. Don't put yourself through it. Period. Your parents would be right here. There is nothing good that comes from starting things back up with an ex that ended on bad terms. You can't really be friends with someone for real after they hurt you that bad. They just take advantage. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Consider this your closure and move on with no guilt whatsoever.. life is too short
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Robert- I'm not NEEDING a relationship- want one, yes. With him, no.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think it is nice you can still be friends, but leave it at that. You mended the fence, shut the gate and say good bye. Blood is thicker than water honey and you will always need your family and they will ALWAYS be there for you, can you say the same about him? I would tell him exactly that, Goodbye, no hard feelings and good luck to you. No more emails or yahoo, it will just drag things out. You are a pretty lady, the love of your life is out there, now go find him!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Consider this your closure and move on with no guilt whatsoever.. life is too short What she said  
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Unless what he did to you was not so bad and you just overreacted to it at the time of your break up, I can't help but wonder if you are not under reacting to it now. If you parents hate him for it, I am guessing...NO. Please don't forget the pain he caused.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks. I won't forget the pain that was caused. At least I was able to forgive the past. I know he couldn't be a true friend to me now and I certainly don't want anything more. I dealt with enough then and life has been drama free since. I like that
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have been in a relationship that ended badly, and believe me, it is MUCH better to close the door. Leaving it open, even just a bit just brings back old feelings and emotions like anger, hurt, and even worse, love. Don't put yourself through it. Period. Your parents would be right here. There is nothing good that comes from starting things back up with an ex that ended on bad terms. You can't really be friends with someone for real after they hurt you that bad. They just take advantage. In those situations I understand... and hopefully with kids involved it doesn't turn into something really ugly. I know my parents divorced and still have a great relationship. It's those really ugly split-ups that I'm talking about. With kids involved hopefully both parties love them enough to make any contact you have to have revolve around their happiness, not their own anger over a failed relationship. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, since you said that your dad would "put his job in jeopardy just to wring your ex's kneck" means that your dad would be very disappointed. But, as you said, you are an adult, you can talk to whomever you want to, and your dad would have to accept that. You are "daddy's little girl" so he wants to protect you from the pain that your ex caused you in the past. I'm quite sure you are wanting to protect yourself as well. My point here is that if you are glad about speaking with your ex now, and you are getting the closure that you seek, then good. My only advice is that you have to do what you feel is best for you. You can't do what your father thinks is best for you. As an adult, you have to make choices for yourself....for your life. I know what you mean by not wanting to disappoint your parents cause I am like that too. But I also know that sometimes I will make choices that they won't agree with or like. Took me awhile to come to terms with that, but once I did, my life got a whole lot easier.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's what I meant by 'naturally': we were together for 3 years and engaged. He was going to be my IT. I loved him then with a passion so great I thought it would consume me. Love like that just doesn't go away. It has transformed moreso into caring I suppose- not the deepness of before. what happens when you break up with someone and are at that low of all low points?? what if at this same time he is feeling like preying on you?? what happens then? want to know what happens then?? you confide in him what happened.. he says/does alll the right things... says that he is sorry and that he has never stoped loving you and has missed you since you walked out the door.. somehow one thing leads to another and you two end up back together.... not so bad you are half thinking to yourself right?? problem is.. he has not changed.. and then you end up back at square one... and of course by now.. you have hurt your dad more than any other feling he is feeling.. he is of course your dad so he will forget.. but that lost trust is there .. same with mom.. and all of this for a friendship.... ask yourself... do you need a friend THAT badly?? if you do.. talk to me. or anyone else who has replied to this post.. but honestly... i dont trust it.. and i say be VERY cautious!!!! jmo |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's what I meant by 'naturally': we were together for 3 years and engaged. He was going to be my IT. I loved him then with a passion so great I thought it would consume me. Love like that just doesn't go away. It has transformed moreso into caring I suppose- not the deepness of before. what happens when you break up with someone and are at that low of all low points?? what if at this same time he is feeling like preying on you?? what happens then? want to know what happens then?? you confide in him what happened.. he says/does alll the right things... says that he is sorry and that he has never stoped loving you and has missed you since you walked out the door.. somehow one thing leads to another and you two end up back together.... not so bad you are half thinking to yourself right?? problem is.. he has not changed.. and then you end up back at square one... and of course by now.. you have hurt your dad more than any other feling he is feeling.. he is of course your dad so he will forget.. but that lost trust is there .. same with mom.. and all of this for a friendship.... ask yourself... do you need a friend THAT badly?? if you do.. talk to me. or anyone else who has replied to this post.. but honestly... i dont trust it.. and i say be VERY cautious!!!! jmo Excellent point there izzie. |
|
|
|
|
