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Topic: Who's the jerk here...
Ted14621 Joined Mon 01/07/08 Posts: 2173	Thu 07/24/08 07:50 AM
Ok, I feel like a jerk. Tell me what you think. I met a woman on line and agreed to a lunch date. When I picked her up it was very apparent that she had suffered a stroke and her left side was paralyzed. Now I don't want to take her out again. So am I the jerk or should she have let me know that before hand?

SKPCG Joined Mon 03/03/08 Posts: 14708	Thu 07/24/08 07:57 AM
There's no judgment call to be made here on you. I think she should have mentioned something like that, but then, maybe not. It's about enjoying company, not "Name That Malady". It's odd that you didn't realize something was not quite so with her as usually a stroke victim also has trouble with speech. Perhaps to her, even if she had a stroke, it's just life as usual. But, if you found something off-putting with her or anyone, it's your choice to pursue further or not. Remember, too, that one day, someone might find something off-putting about you or that you may suffer something and get rejected over it. Afterall, we all get old and funky if we're not dead!!

1956deluxe Joined Thu 12/06/07 Posts: 8559	Thu 07/24/08 07:59 AM
Wow! She should have informed you about that.

Ted14621 Joined Mon 01/07/08 Posts: 2173	Thu 07/24/08 08:04 AM
There's no judgment call to be made here on you. I think she should have mentioned something like that, but then, maybe not. It's about enjoying company, not "Name That Malady". It's odd that you didn't realize something was not quite so with her as usually a stroke victim also has trouble with speech. Perhaps to her, even if she had a stroke, it's just life as usual. But, if you found something off-putting with her or anyone, it's your choice to pursue further or not. Remember, too, that one day, someone might find something off-putting about you or that you may suffer something and get rejected over it. Afterall, we all get old and funky if we're not dead!! Thanks people. There was no indication beforehand (speech etc). Buy I still feel like a jerk for not calling her back. I didn't say I would though.

HeSearches Joined Sat 02/23/08 Posts: 312	Thu 07/24/08 08:06 AM
I think she should have disclosed it to you in some way. I think most people are aware of things about them that "might" be a dealbreaker for someone interested in them. While you're not required to give your life history I think you need to be upfront with potential dates about common dealbreakers. Unfortunately physical disabilities are a dealbreaker for many of us but not all. No, I don't think you're being a jerk for not taking her out again. If you liked her you could offer to be her friend. She probably already knows why you haven't called to take her out again.

lcjw Joined Thu 10/11/07 Posts: 8594	Thu 07/24/08 08:06 AM
It seems cruel, but is not. She should have warned you about that before hand. I went out with a guy I've met on line, he traveled from Austin to Houston, but the picture he had posted was 5 years old; he changed a lot in these 5 years. There is no physical attraction on my part and I feel bad because all the expenses he incurred into coming to Houston (talk about gas prices) and taking me out, but what I can do about it? He posted an old picture and did not tell me.

1956deluxe Joined Thu 12/06/07 Posts: 8559	Thu 07/24/08 08:07 AM
Sounds like you have a good heart and a conscience. Let it go.

BobbyJ Joined Fri 02/22/08 Posts: 1368	Thu 07/24/08 08:26 AM
No, you're not at all the jerk. I'm disabled and I put my disability, upfront, right in my profile. This is about her not being honest and upfront about herself. It's no different than those who post a picture of themselves the way they appeared ten years ago and then you get the shock of meeting them and seeing the obvious ruse. She was being deceptive with you. Being disabled does scare a lot of people off, but it doesn't give a disabled person the right not to be honest and upfront about themselves. That's life.

Ted14621 Joined Mon 01/07/08 Posts: 2173	Thu 07/24/08 08:31 AM
No, you're not at all the jerk. I'm disabled and I put my disability, upfront, right in my profile. This is about her not being honest and upfront about herself. It's no different than those who post a picture of themselves the way they appeared ten years ago and then you get the shock of meeting them and seeing the obvious ruse. She was being deceptive with you. Being disabled does scare a lot of people off, but it doesn't give a disabled person the right not to be honest and upfront about themselves. That's life. Thank you, by the way, I am not "afraid" of people with disabilites. My father was a polio victim. I grew up looking at him as normal. And you better not try to open a door for him...geesh!

oldsage Joined Thu 09/14/06 Posts: 18043	Thu 07/24/08 12:29 PM
Tend to agree, she should have let you know. similar incident; talking to a lady about dancing & how much she enjoyed it. when we met, she was using a cane. when asked "Why the cane??' Replied " when I get the money for a knee operation, I would enjoy dancing again." She wan looking for someone with good insurance to pay for her knee. Never met her again.

musichic Joined Wed 04/11/07 Posts: 8937	Thu 07/24/08 02:59 PM
I'm on the same page with everyone else. If you have a disability or health issue you should let the other person know at an appropriate time. Seeing as her disability was very visible to you she should have been sensitive to that and mentioned it to you so as not to surprise you. Some people wouldn't mind meeting anyway.

greer51 Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 2419	Sun 07/27/08 09:02 PM
Me, too!! I have been vey up front with my disablity........... Just plain CRAZY!!!!!!!! lol

boneyjoe Joined Sun 12/09/07 Posts: 6196	Mon 07/28/08 03:27 AM
i never noticed greer

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Mon 07/28/08 04:00 AM
Would you have gone on the date if she had told you ahead of time?

greer51 Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 2419	Mon 07/28/08 07:55 AM
Would you have gone on the date if she had told you ahead of time? I think it would have been nice for the lady to have let the gentleman know what was what. I would like to know.

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Mon 07/28/08 06:18 PM
Would you have gone on the date if she had told you ahead of time? I think it would have been nice for the lady to have let the gentleman know what was what. I would like to know. I agree; I just wonder if he still would have gone on the date.

carold Joined Sun 03/23/08 Posts: 26747	Mon 07/28/08 07:05 PM
Well have you heard from her since then? I think at our age that wouldn't be uncommon.Your going to run into health problems. Might want to bring it up next time. Be it High blood pressure which leads to strokes. But I wouldn't avoid the issue If you hear from her again. We don't have to all end up lovers but a good friend is nice

greer51 Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 2419	Tue 07/29/08 06:51 AM
I totally think so!! We, at this age in our lives, are suject to any amount of this!!!!

musichic Joined Wed 04/11/07 Posts: 8937	Tue 07/29/08 07:10 AM
Oh Carol You are so right. What is the likelihood of us be 100% healthy after living half a century. Don't mean to make that sound so negative, just realistic. Most of us probably have some health issue we are addressing. Some are just less visible than others.

greer51 Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 2419	Tue 07/29/08 07:15 AM
HERE, HERE!! (cough, cough, cough!)