I am new to this site. I was married for 20 years and a widow for the last 7. It was a very sudden death. I went to work a wife and best friend and came home a widow. I was in shock the first year but kept going for my children. The biggest thing that I have figured out is that there are no rules for grieving. If something gives you comfort there is no reason to give it away. The time will come when it will feel OK to do that. I spent the first couple of years wearing my husbands t-shirts under my work suits. No one knew and it made me feel better! Eventually, I just stopped.

(((cinann)
That must have been so horrible for you and the children.
But you are right there are no rules to grieving ..just a lot of well meaning people who think there are. Ignore them and do what is best for you.
Welcome and we are ll here for each other.

About 5 months after Jerry died I was so sick that I HAD to go to the dr. I was simply just completely run down and not taking care of myself or getting enough sleep. I had to see a new dr as mine had no openings for a couple of weeks. He suggested that I should be through the greiving process by the 5th month and that i needed to see a psychiatrist(is that how it's spelled?) He obviously still has his wife. No one can tell you how long that it will take you to stop greiving, I don't know that I'll ever stop. I can say that I don't cry my eyes out everyday anymore, but there is not 1 day go by that I don't think of him. It may be in a song I hear on the radio, something someone says on tv, or even in person. I dream of him often, but not everynight anymore. I pray that you too find the peace from within that you need to get through each and every day. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is make sure you do take care of yourself, eat right, sleep 8 hrs. Nap in between if you need to. No one else is going to do it for you, the only person you can really count on is yourself. At least that has been my experience. After the funeral, none of his family members came to my house. Just my kids, and my son didn't stay long. When my daughter and her husband left, the silence was deafening. I've prayed many a prayer and shed many tears, sometimes to the point of whaling as if my heart was ripped into and being torn from my chest. I'll remember you. Teresa

I get so tired of so called "well doers" trying to tell people HOW to grieve and for how long. No two people grieve the same way, or for the same length of time. Some are ready to move on quickly, some years later, and some prefer to never find another mate. All of those are OK.

The grieving journey begins with baby steps. Time does not heal all wounds, but time will help you cope. It takes TIME, and baby steps. Just when you think you are growing stronger, something might trigger the pain again and you go back several steps, but if you keep taking those baby steps, time can become your friend and one day you will wake up and realize that it doesn't hurt to breathe and you can smile through sweet tears at the wonderful memories that you hold dear to your heart.

I will keep all you dear people in my prayers.

Mary

This is a great place and ty all for you kindness and thoughts and well wishes. I see that I am not nuts by wanting to wear my hubbys shirts at night. My one daughter does not understand why I am on here but it doesn't take anything away from how much I love and miss my Rick. It for me is just trying to be among the living again and maybe when the time is right finding someone to love again. I hope that person will also be a widow so they understand that the heart is big enough to have different types of love in it and maybe we could build a new life but both knowing there is a piece of our hearts that belong to the ones we have lost. When you have a loved one that was never able to come back home for 15 months after the accident and whose mind and body would never work again you suffer two deaths, the death on the day your world crashed and then the day they pass on to what I pray is a better place for him. I really appreciate this forum and thank you all for listening and understanding. Kandy

I see whenever I say how I feel no one replies or cares. I have known Betty for a while and she is the only friend I have made through Mingle 2. I care about people and I feel bad for all who have lost a loved one.

((((Dave)))
Don't fell that way hon. We all care on here and we have all been through the devastion of losing a loved one.
Just because someone didn't reply does not mean we don't care , we all do very much and we are all so sorry for each others losses and pain.

Hi I'm Sadie
I came here to post poetry and writing. It is all a part of that cathartic process we all go through in our own way, our own time of mourning. It has been since 2005. the well to do, wishers and the "Get on with it" people, friends(a loose term, sometimes) I pop in and out here, listening, praying, crying, wanting to let y'all know I have some of or all of those feelings and regards.
I moved my mother-in-law in with me..and another change, another shedding of the onion skin. I find myself unable to grieve for myself as a memory happens, again, for her, for my children, my Dad..
yesterday, my mother died 5 years ago, the very day and hour I brought my husband home to die. My mother-in-law lost her husband a year ago, today. And it is the birthday of my 2 oldest children's mother that was murdered. I find myself steeped in this cup, half full, half empty..just mine and clearly always running over. "Only a heart knows its own sorrow". and I would like to love alive, again..

It's not just this group. I know I am not alone in losing someone. You are the only one who cares and says so. Still no one in this forum even acknowledges me, accept you. I have said welcome to Teresa and no reply

Hi Dave, I have never said hello because I haven't seen you here..but I'm not always around...welcome to our site...Hi ladies, how is everyone doing today?
I just wanted to say that my husband was sick with Alzheimers and had 2 back surgeries before he died.. the last 4 mo he was in a nursing home for rehab from his last surgery..When he passed my sister stayed the first 2 nights until my daughter could get there and then she stayed for a week.. My daughter insisted we go to a movie one day, didn't want to go but she insisted.. It did feel good to just get out and laugh.. We saw " Wild Hogs". I hadn't done anything in a long time and felt guilty about doing that..I also lost my mother 7 mo after my husband..My children lost their father in 2000, he died suddenly at work and they still are dealing with that...everyone is different in how we grieve...If not for a lot of people here and on another dating site I would not have made it thru the winter...thanks to all of you.. sorry its so long...

Thank you for the hello. I am in and out of this forum

I was going to email you and talk but I am blocked because of your age limit...My name is Carole

My name is Dave. I will unblock

Hi Dave
I am still a newbie so I am still learning the ropes around here. At first I felt that my posts got quickly overlooked but I know now that is not the case. I am sure there are some strong companionships that have formed over time. Someday we will be in with them, but I do they read our posts and they care and they certainly make us feel wellcome.

Teresa, I was at one of the hosp. my husband was in and the dr. looked at me and pulled me aside and got me set up at the clinic. I was dehydrated, low on all vitamins, had to give myself B12 shots, and was very depressed and run down. I have spent the the last few months trying to rest and get healthy. People tell me I look better but I still feel exhausted most of the time. I notice my verbage is different since the accident, everything I refer to is before the accident, after the accident, and after Rick died. They all say it gets better with time so I am praying that it does. On myspace I have made it where I can go there and listen to "our songs" look at "our Pictures" and cry when I have to. Again thank you all for letting me just write. Bless you all.

Hi back, I have been around for a while and I still feel like and outsider.
Welcome to Over 50

This is a very diverse group of people. Before I said anything, I read every posting that was here. It showed me that even though we have all experienced a loss, it is something you go through alone. People don't want you to be sad so they stop asking after awhile. Even having gone through this myself, I find myself at a loss for words whhen it happens to someone I know. I don't want to tell them how really hard it is or how long it really takes to recover.
Dave, I'm sure everyone who reads your comments cares, it's just not always easy to find the words to comfort someone else. You do matter!

Not even a reply except from Betty who I am friends with. I reply and I get no reply back

To admit, when it felt the memories again, I stopped coming. I cloaked my comfortabilities in complacency. Sometimes between responders there seems to be a conversation it does not feel right to enter into, a privacy, a conversation that the two are in the know about and it would be out of context to divert. I have felt that many times.

I always feel bad that is why I joined this forum.

HI sweet, cin, Dave and sharris, I don't think it so much that they don't care but a lot of the people on here still work and have children.. I think they just get busy and don't have as much time as some like myself..I'm retired but keep myself busy too..