my mom was very critical of me, constantly judging me, what i said, what
i did, how i looked...everything..nothing i did, or said was 'good
enough' for her...

to this day, she still is...i've had to fight with myself over my
mother's aproval ...why do i need it? what good does it do me? how can
i get it? do i really want it?

there's times i wonder, am i good enough? for this for that? for him?

so..im asking do you know your own self worth?

i reckon i found my self worth after i moved far far away from all the
relatives. could have been part of the family business. tried it didn't
really like the idea of takin over somethin that somebody else had made
for themselves. got out on my own, got married, don't have a close
relative nosin in on whats goin on in the marriage. & doin rather well
for myself. self- employed, like what i've become & if that bothers my
relatives oh well. i make it a point not to visit to much so i won't
disturb them & their beleifs on how i should be livin my life.
hurray for me.

If I knew my own self worth would I be the basket case I am?? Ha
No..nuff said

The key to your own self worth is loving yourself. I know that its
easier said than done but thats what you have to do. It doesn't sound
like you will ever really please your mom so why are you killing
yourself with pain and worry trying to. Take a step back and look
around you. Thank God for all the wonderful things you are blessed
with. You are a unique and special person. Look at yourself like this
because it is so true. Good luck with this and may God bless you.

*hugs* CCP...i luv ya girlie...we think alot alike, you and me

ty also sheepdog and pagrby...your words give me something to think
about ...

i need more on this tho..so im pushin it up...

thanx to those that are gonna give me some good readin in the
morning...keep your thoughts comin

LG

You are the Key. Gotta believe in you

I had the same problem with my mother.
Since I moved far away and we only get to talk every so often
that has changed, and now when I go to visit her we get on much
better. Sometimes you have to put a distance in between to find your own
worth and to stand up for it.

I think its all too easy to find fault in others when its really
yourself your constantly, silently judgeing......

break the trend, your worth it

Not $500, not $400, not $300 or $200, not $150, $140 or $130! Not $120,
$110 or even $100! That's right folk just three simple payments of $30
....

I went thru the same kind of situation with my dad.

Always trying to do the right thing but wasn't good enough.

He is 75 now, and I have finally after 2 yrs. quit worrying about it..

Me and my sister would go nuts when we knew he was coming to dinner or
something.

We both finally stopped caring.

But, growing up like that, does leave some scarring.



How can it not.


Ps he was a military man. Not that, that was an excuse.

Last Thanxgiving, everyone came to my house...i was to get up at 7am to
start the turkey.... all the pies were done, the desserts, only the warm
things had yet to be done, potatoes n' casseroles n' such....

That morning, i got up, went to the bathroom (cuz that's what a girl
does first thing sometimes), went out to the kitchen to discover that
the turkey was already in the oven, thanks to my mother, she wasn't sure
if i'd get up in time, i told her thanks, cuz that's the polite thing to
do, went to the coffee pot, poured myself a cup, to discover that the
spoons were in a differnt drawer, the sugar was in a different cupboard,
and after checking, most of my kitchen items were moved....

mom said my kitchen didn't 'flow' correctly, so she changed it around
for me so it would...

i looked at her...shocked, and fuming pissed..

i told her, "mom, you're leaving come tomorrow, if you were staying
here, LIVING here, i'd consider your thoughts on how to arrange my
kitchen, i appreciate you're conscern for how well my kitchen 'flows'
but until you live here, considering you're leaving come tomorrow
morning, i'll keep my kitchen exactly the way i had it, cuz it 'flowed'
just nicely the way i had it." and i put everything back.

of course she didn't aprove, of course she was pretty upset by my
putting things back, but this is only an example of how controling and
critical she is, and she hasn't stopped yet.

You did good ellgee, whether she liked it or not.

My dad was that way, I quit trying to please him when I was a teenager.
If I made all A's and one B on a report card, he'd ask why I made a B. I
figured out I could never do enough, and stopped trying to get his
approval. And you know what, he respects me more today than either of my
sisters. My younger sister is still trying, and resents him terribly. I
realize now that his being so critical is just becasue he loves us and
wants what's best for us, he just never was good at showing it.

I think I just transfered my trying to please from him to my husband(s),
I was always trying to make them happy. It took me a long time to
realize that you can't make anyone happy but yourself. If they don't
wanna be happy, you can't make them.

My self worth is no longer based on anyone else's opinion of me.

Look inside yourself, make a list of what you like, what is good about
you. Put it on the fridge and read it every day, add stuff as you think
of it. Eventually you'll start believing that you are worthy, no matter
what anyone else thinks.

Look at yourself first thing each morning in the bathroom mirror and say
these words, "You are a precious child of God; God made you, knows you
and loves you exactly the way you are, and so do I."

The key is deffinately to love your self...

Maybe your Mom has'nt had much self worth herself and that is why she
does that to you.

I have known some people who were horribly abused and discarded by their
Moms and yet they still keep trying to get her to accept them and love
them.

There is someone higher up you are worth everything to...

wow i know this feeling...my ma is so negative also.... ive come to
realization that ill never be good enough no matter what i do in her
eyes.. so really i dont care anymore.... after nearly 44 yrs of this
it will never change....

just remember u can only be happy with yourself and thats all that
matters....deb

my mother was really into her self she didnt like my brother and mostly
she was just busy trying to find a husband all the time ,
i was really never there i spent most of my young life with my grandma
, the most wonderful woman in the world , she is the one i give all the
credit for raising me , she tought me self worth , she tought me i was a
spechail person and i could do anything i put my mind to , if anyone
asked my grandma for anything and she had it or could do it she was
right there,
my grandma died of lung cancer , she was so brave , and scared , she
was worried about me and i had to tell her i would be ok , she suffered
so much but in the end she was ready to join her husband , i could not
have been raised by a better person , who tought me so many things,

thnx everyone for your replies...you've given me a lot to think about
and i apreciate it.

For what it's worth, one more person who totally hears you. For me it
is a constant struggle between overly critical internal voices and
overly praising ones. I know very well that during the incredibly hard
teenage years I built my intellect up to be the end all-be all of my
self-worth, but I still fight the battle between hubris (foolish pride)
and foolish insecurities.

I recommend meditation, and bubble baths, and those little things that
you can do to pamper yourself that don't cost too much and still manage
to feel gleefully self-indulgent; whatever that means to you. It is
about loving yourself, but that's not a one step process. Take your
time. Be good to yourself. You're doing just fine.

I'm sad that you had to go through that growing up, always doubting your
worth. My dad became and more critical the older he got--he is now 87!
We just laugh at him behind his back any more, now that we are grown up.
I think what you have been through was very abusive. It's a process to
get over it. You will figure it out as you go along. You will do what
you need to, like sharing your post here. Best!