Its Friday, YEA!,

Ok, were to start, This weekend i am clearing out my upstairs room and my son is coming home.

He has been on his own for 4 yrs, and he has suffered so much, starving, loss of jobs, no car, walking in the rain and thunder or snow, His wonderful friends have taken so much advantage of him that in the end the friendship that my son thought was strong and stable ended up being a disappointment, and let down...

Friends are great don't get me wrong, but at the same time, they are not always there for you, but you are always there for them. My son has in the last 8 yrs learned this.

When we moved to Oklahoma from Nevada, after the divorce my kids were 17teen and 18teen... they made new friends, but sometimes boys long for a father figure, or a boy that is daring, and out going, who dose not have a care in the world. Well he found one, One who would destroy him... Sometimes these friends take it too far, This kid is so messed up in the head, he hates everything, everyone and even himself so he destroys others for fun..

All I can say is this.. I know my son is now a drunk, he dropped out of college, he cant keep a job, he is 20k in debt.. INFLUENCES'....

When a young boy listens to his friends who are young and have no life skills only hear say.. sometimes things are said to help/ but back fire and cause "one to become more hurt" in the end.

That is what happened to my Son and his 3 Best friends who though living together would be a great and wonderful experience.

Two of the boys: there mothers have died, one was a grandmother leaving them with a Fortune in a inheritance.. and Boys will promise there soul to the deval if they could. All the broken promises are just that.

The out come, is this after a total of 8 yrs and 4 yrs away from home, My son at my Request is coming home.

He is now filled of, pain, suffering, and embarrassment, shame for the things he has done that he will never tell, humiliated for what he has caused. He thinks he is a loser, he thinks he is a bad person and a weak man!...

He never wanted to return home for his Father was a Mom's boy and could not take care of his family, and matter of fact he is still with his mother and girlfriend today... His mother means more to him then his own family in the end.

So my son. Well he is scared, to not be like his father, He wanted to be a Man, "do it himself", be like his mother (me)I am a Fighter, Since i have never returned home, i never asked my parents for anything I have done it all on my own. [P.s. my ex's mother was a mommy girl she also lived with her mother after her divorce and always relied on her for income]..... Teach a child! they grow up to be that way also.

But what counts is this, Most will tell me, don't let him back, but in this day and age, Kids are lost through the disasters in life, And I as a mother love my so unconditionally that! I am willing to take full responsibility for my child's actions. and Give him a "New start".

His sister who is married, with child, both live with me so they can go to college full time and work full time so they can give there child a great future.

We all work together, we all pay the bills no one dose more then there share. We all cook and clean, and take care of my grandchild.

This is the "new world" we were to look forward too in the 60'-70', when not even a Man can start "to be a man" because society destroys them before they are 23yrs old.

If you have a adult child at home, I honor you for doing the right thing, I know it is hard but what really counts is that you love your child so much you are willing to help them "start over"..

Amen... Julie

hope all ends well for you and your family,

Hi Julie! Good morning!

I had to say this story touched me...
Moms do what ever they have to and
should not have to second guess it.

I have a 24 year old who lived with me
until past December and is now living on
his own and engaged, He's graduated college
-works two jobs and still has a very hard time making it!

He hasn't experienced things as bad as your son
but I have still seen some struggles even though
he's working his butt off...

I also have my a 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter living with me...but my oldest would always have his room back if he needed it.

You are truly a wonderful mother and your son loves you
very much .

God bless you and your family!

Everyone needs help once in a while! I applaud you for putting your family first!

Thank you so very much, I can not tell you how many times i have been told by my own family, just let him go, let him do what he needs to do.

I did that, and his friends destroyed him. But I am so grateful that he has so much trust in me that he was brave enough to ask to come home. I am so thankful that his courage to not keep suffering and to come back to were the people love him so very much.

it is so nice to hear women and men who so care so much for there children. I needed this...

These kids now a days are not like the 50's were boys leave to come back as men. This is a rare thing.... Now they leave and society destroys them. and girls leave to be women and they also find out the hard way that all the fair tales in the world is not what life is about.

I thank you for your support, I thank you for your wisdom and encouraging words.....Julie

You still need to set standards & make sure they are met.
Tough love works, I know.

With the world the way it is today-

the ecomony, lack of jobs, drugs, alcohol
etc,,, it's very hard to make it on your own (for anybody!)

Thank God he has a mother like you!

There are many out on the streets
and I hate to think of them out there-
without anyone to help them.


I used to work in a hospital and saw young people brought in
who were out on there own hurt by drugs, fights, crime and just hard
living...

You're his guardian angel right now
and it's going to be all much better from here!

Thank you, Yes he knows by coming home that he has to help pay the bills, since he dropped out of college at his own choice, that he is required to pay back the 7k that he owes and he will have to cary at least 1 1/2 jobs to do so.

He understands that since he has been away from the house that We have all changed. And that I am not his Fathers Wife, but His Mother and Friend. There is a differences. One of the hardest things for these kids to understand is Change after a Divorce. And how Parents change they are no longer the person they were with the husband or wife. so this will be different for him... even though he saw a little of it, it has been since he has been gone that he Dose not know me any longer... only a image of what he remembers...

He knows that he will have chores in the house, and he will have his own laundry to do, he will help to maintain the landscape, mowing/weeding, he will help do dishes, ect just like you would at your own home living with your roommates... the only differences is that, Now he has support and love in a family helping him heal his broken wounds......

I am so thankful for all of you, and I do take everything you have to offer, some things you all have said. I never even considered! And will learn from them..

Thanks.......... for all the wonderful advice..

Nothing wrong with that. I miss my 25 year old so bad since he has left the state...I would let him come home if he wanted. It's a different world out there for these kids, very different than it was for us. Just because they are grown up doesn't mean parenting stops..
hope everything goes well for ya.

I will add this, when i turned 18teen after having a Gold spoon in my mouth. My Parents kicked me out... I lived in L.A. on the streets for months, I even ate out of trashcans, I had no choice, and all the friends that i spoiled in H.S. were not there for me...

I remember asking my very best friend of 5 yrs if i could borrow just 1.39 to get a hamburger at Jack in the box, and she said i had to pay her back with interest.. NO joking.. this is the girl that i took to $25.00 dinner, and took to the movies, i bought cloths for her, and just spoiled her... but the Money was gone ans so was the friends...

anyway, even through my marriage my ex could not keep a job, he liked unemployment better.. Lol so my son and daughter have been homeless 5 times.. in there life they have moved 26times.

I think that is why, I want to be there for him, because I know how hard it was for me and that was in the 80's I can only imagine now in 2009, what it is like...

But for all of you to be so kind in helping me through all of this, I can only say thank you so very much. This is the only place in my life that i do have friends, so you all mean the world to me.

Because i work 7 days a week 24hrs a day to help my kids get through college... I don't have time for life or friends..

every now and then a wonderful person will bless me with there time and I get to be happy for a while, LOL until they realize how hard i work, and long hours, maybe one day.. It will be my turn!

Thanks to everyone.

You are doing a wonderful thing by helping out your son BUT make sure you don't just let him sit around the house and do nothing. He needs to be out looking for a job every single day. He needs to have a list of chores to do, you need to set house rules that you have to be very strict about. Our children grow by what we teach them...so get tough with him!!!
The sad part is his friends didn't do this to him, he did this to himself. He is going to have influences all of his life! He is the one who has to pick the right path to go down, he needs to own up to what he has done because if not...he is going to have an excuse for everything. I know because I have a brother just like this!!
TRUST ME, LOVE HIM BUT DON'T BABY HIM...GET TOUGH WITH YOUR SON!!!
GOOD LUCK

This is very true. I went through some similar things with my son. You have to hold their feet to the fire. They will thank you later. (My son certainly has).

Good luck and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel for the both of you.

Because i work 7 days a week 24hrs a day to help my kids get through college... I don't have time for life or friends..




^^^^^^ Boy! do I understand this statement!!

Thank you, he dose have a full time job, he also as i listed he will be taking care of all his old chores, doing his laundry, sharing of the dishes and bathroom, sharing of the gardening, ect.

I know he did this to himself, He allowed it too happen, we think as parents we give are children all skills they need to go out into the world, but then we find out, they are missing 'SOCIAL' SKILLS!.

Thank you so very much. I am also requesting him to go to counseling and I will pay for it if that is needed but he dose need it.

thank you for helping me....

Dose anyone Remember what it was like then your child came back home and how he really felt about himself, even though I know I don't think i am ready for the 'coped attitude', I don't even know if that is what i am trying to say.

He has turned into this person I do not know, and this person i have not known even if he only lived 10mints away for the last 4 yrs, did not come and see me, did not come and share his time with me. even when i went through cancer, he just did not want to see me.

I still do not understand why, The cancer is gone 2005-2007. (cervical) but he effect it put on the family was devastating, if nothing else. But my son wanted nothing to do with me.

His friend that he has been living with for the last 4 yrs Chris, His mother died of cancer 2 yrs ago and left this kids with million. However it seemed like My son would have wanted to be with me but it was the opposite..

after it was all over with, I asked him last year. Why! Why did you not come and see me, why did you not help. He said because my father never allowed me to be there for you, and that when you were sick i was sent to my room. that told me to not be there for you when your sick. I want to remember you as the women you were, not the women you have become. I want to remember you as you were strong and capable. Not sick and week.

Now! i am all better and as i said, My son dose not know the women i have become.

I guess what i am seeking answer's is what really am i going to go through, I know everyone is different but the actions are normally the same.....any examples of situations you had to deal with, that i might be aware of before it happens....

I am concerned with a couple of things you said (and I don't mean to be judgmental, just want to see if you've really thought things through):

1st, your son is an alcoholic. Have you required that he not drink while living with you? And you should know, if you don't already, that most addicts will say and do anything to get their way, they can be quite manipulative. If you are not prepared for that, please get the support you will need to in order to co-exist peacefully with an addict.

2nd, you say you are willing to accept responsibility for your son's actions? I hope I'm misunderstanding that. The only person you can be responsible for is yourself. If he never learns to accept the responsibility and consequences of his actions, he will end up being the "mommas boy" he is so afraid of becoming. You will NOT do him any favors by not making him accept and be responsible for himself. In your post, you continually blamed his friends and society for what he's CHOSEN to do with his life. Until he accepts that those were HIS choices and no one forced him to do anything, he will never grow up and become the man he wants to be.

I am not saying you are making the wrong choice, I would most likely do the same in your position. However, I do think that going into this with your eyes wide open is in everyone's best interests.

Good luck to you

I feel for you, I am going through a smiliar situation with my son, I share him with his dad, he only wants to be with me, and has been through hell with his dad, and grandmother. Ill be elated when hes home safe with me.


If someone could lend some prayers for him, and his safe return home, and him not to have to go through the stress of being with them, they dont belong with a child. Id appreciate it.

Your in my prayers. xo

prayers for earthy and silly and sons...


i hope all goes well in your situations...

Thank you, we really need them. Your awesome.