Is gonna be four in september.His mother hasn't seen him since the day i got shared parenting 3 months or so(i try not too remember these things Seeing her i mean) when do you think would be a good age to let him know mom really just don't care.By the way he is a very very intelligent three year old

Before he starts asking.

As soon as he's able to comprehend what your saying..and understand it...and yes he is VERY VERY Intelligent..

Don't use the child as a weapon against the mother. He will figure it out sooner or later by himself, and when he does make sure he understands what he has learned.

It is all in the wording you choose. Saying "mom really just doesn't care" is harsh. He will remember that forever. Be gentle and try not to berate her in front of him. Good luck, he's a doll!

You should never tell him she doesn't care...

Good lookin' kid there!
You don't need to tell him anything about his Mom. He will see it for himself as time goes by.
I know the hurt from divorce and wanting everyone to know what a bad person the Mom was.
My advise, keep it to yourself or with a counselor. Show your kid how you are caring for him and say nothing bad about Mom. Experiance, trust me, bad-mouthing Mom will blow up in your face.

Why she doesn't.Should just keep saying mom is busy.Before you know it he will be 8 and still asking is mom busy

Ditto,my son hasn't seen his son in two years,from no choice of his.

I disagree...

Wait until he asks...then answer with no emotional attachment... and without condemning the mother.

By telling your boy his mother doesn't care...says she doesn't care for him, he is not important, he is not of value.

No sane parent would harm their child like that.

When he asks...answer the truth as you know it....his mum was struggling at the time, with her own issues, and felt he was better off with one healthy parent...(you) than a crazy one.

It costs you nothing to relieve the child of nastiness towards his mother...and you seriously cannot say what her deep down feelings were.

Condemn the parent, you condemn the child.

Ty

Wow. I hear ya on that. I would say when YOU think the time is right to tell him. I have been in that situation 17 years ago, my son's father just up and left at my son's age of 2 months. I told my son when I thought he was ready to hear why his father wasn't there which was probably around 5 or 6. In my opinion it is all up to you and when you think your son is ready to understand on why his mom does not really care.

My pleasure babes

I dont bad mouth her too her face or in front of him.I mean i got a bad one here.She goes away for awhile and then just pops in the **** is insane

Nasty stuff!!! Get over yourself, and your own emotions attached to his mother, before you open your mouth near your boy.

He is intelligent?

Yeah?

So don't insult his intelligence.

Allow him to find out himself, and come to his own conclusions as to why mum is not about...

Mum may be fu* ked up right now, and not fit to parent...big deal...we've all been messes in our lives.

My kids have not seen nor heard from their dad in 10 YEARS....and I still refuse to condemn him to my children....he is a flawed human, same as the rest of us...

well put! she is still his mother. he will form his own opinion and you never know what the future may bring.

don't tell him she doesn't care, he knows who's there for him and takes care of him...my 3 yr old granddaughter's mother hasn't seen her or tried to contact her since she was 18 mos old...and she lives 4 miles away...anyway back on topic, imo if he asks why mom isn't around or doesn't care about him or whatever his q may be, you shouldn't give him a negative response, because whatever you tell him he's going to think it's his fault she doesn't want him...

very well said

Why would you even have to tell him anything like that?

Keep your issues to yourself.


Hell know the difference on his own in time.

You dont know if shell try to be there for him later if she cleans up her act.

Why would you try to diminish any image he has of her?

Because YOU have resentments?

Shes just not there, you guys live apart, and thats it.

Why? Because Mommy, and Daddy cant live together.


Hes a LITTE child, he may be intelligent, but many adults cant swallow being abandoned.

YOU make him happy, and raise him, and if you tll that child hes uncared for by his own mother at a young age, YOUR responsible for the damage.


You dont KNOW if she really cares in her heart or not, and ya know, no matter how many nasty people are, they DO care for their children.


Prepare yourself to have him get counsiling if you plan on continuing THIS attitude.

Your not even aware of it. His whole VIEW on all women depends on this.. you wanna screw up his thoughts about women in relationships too?

THINK!

Why do I have the feeling that this is going to end up with somebody telling a four year old that his mother never wanted him and never cared about him, and traumatizing the poor kid for the rest of his life?