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| Topic: advice needed! | |
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ive been seeing a wonderful girl for the past 9 and a half months. a few days ago she made it very clear to me that she still loved me! ... she just isnt IN love with me anymore.
she let me know how shes never really been single and doesnt want a boyfriend period, and how she still wants us to be friends! (i was her only real close friend even before we dated) now i find that 2 days later she had already started dating someone new, and she seems to not be interested in returning my messages. (i swear im giving her space and not being a stalker! heh) im happy for her having moved on, and im not mad at her at all. im simply having a horrid time controlling my racing mind, and getting over it. especially her immediate move onto someone else. (god the unwanted thoughts in my head over that part!) i havent been able to eat or sleep much and im trying to be proactive about it all by moving on and not just sitting around dwelling on it. my heart wont stop pounding sometimes and im completley baffled by what to do with all this free time i suddenly have! i feel like ive not just lost my girlfriend but my best friend all at once. what do i do? i know myself quite well and know if i found someone new? id be able to be happy and move on to them without it being a total rebound. problem is, in this town? how do you meet someone new! and if thats not the approach to take? then what ELSE do i do?! thanks for any input here people. |
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You need to wait before trying to find someone new. When you date someone else just to get your mind off of your previous relationship, thats called a rebound. And those dont uaually work out to well.
Just take whatever time you need to get over this girl. Find a hobby. Work some overtime. Anything to keep your mind busy. Then once you can sit there and relax without having this girl on your mind, you'll be ready to move on. Note: This is only my opinion. It works different for other people. |
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and see thats what i meant about knowing myself. my only previous long term relationship? lol it lasted under 3 months and i was never over it till 2 years later i dated a girl who took me out of that state. i seem to be unable to move on? but at the same time? when im with someone new i instantly move on and give myself to them fully :)
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You need to wait before trying to find someone new. When you date someone else just to get your mind off of your previous relationship, thats called a rebound. And those dont uaually work out to well. Just take whatever time you need to get over this girl. Find a hobby. Work some overtime. Anything to keep your mind busy. Then once you can sit there and relax without having this girl on your mind, you'll be ready to move on. Note: This is only my opinion. It works different for other people. I agree with Mayhem. Moving on too fast can lead to disaster and getting hurt again. I know you are hurting, but you do need to get over this break up before you move on. You need to give yourself time to grieve the break up just like you would any other loss. Spend time with your friends, keep busy as he said. There is no easy answer and the only cure is time. I hope you feel better soon and can get on with your life. Sorry she did this to you. Take care. |
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and see thats what i meant about knowing myself. my only previous long term relationship? lol it lasted under 3 months and i was never over it till 2 years later i dated a girl who took me out of that state. i seem to be unable to move on? but at the same time? when im with someone new i instantly move on and give myself to them fully :) Seems like you need validation from a new female before you can get over the disappointment of the last... not super healthy. Listen to J and take some time for yourself. Working out like a crazy woman is what got me thru my last break up. |
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thanks for the advice. i dont so much need validation from a new girl, its just that im very co dependent. haha im just not anywhere near as happy as i can be unless i have someone in my life to cuddle and be with. lol i sound like a total sap i know it.
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Work on yourself and your codependency issues
It's hard if you really loved her but these things happen Concentrate on you and remain a good loving person Just don't become bitter and hateful That helps nothing. Jmo 
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actually working on myself is what ive been focusing on, since then ive gone out and gotten a new car and have been putting away alot more money (she WAS high maintenince! lol) ive lost a good bit of weight working out alot and going for long walks / jogs. and yet theres still so much time in my day with nothing to do! haha i know myself well enough to realize il never be over my co dependency tho.
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Edited by
AGoodGuy1026
on
Wed 09/16/09 08:48 AM
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dude, I feel for you... but it sounds like you are doing all the right things... (keeping occupied, being positive, being introspective)....
keep your chin up... time will help... when it happended to me I took up the guitar (and now I can actually play a decent tune!!)... good luck, sorry this has happened to you.... just brace yourself for when her new bo and her don't work out -- her wanting to talk to you again...  
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haha oh im not delusional enough to think she will ever come back to me again. im far more realistic then that! thanks very very much tho. ive actually dug out my old guitar hero thing, i think id suck at a real guitar and i just spent most my money on the new car anyhows!
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You need to wait before trying to find someone new. When you date someone else just to get your mind off of your previous relationship, thats called a rebound. And those dont uaually work out to well. Just take whatever time you need to get over this girl. Find a hobby. Work some overtime. Anything to keep your mind busy. Then once you can sit there and relax without having this girl on your mind, you'll be ready to move on. Note: This is only my opinion. It works different for other people. Ditto. Totally awesome... spot on, I agree!!! |
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well, funny thing is when we dated she became my best and closest friend. now that were broken up ive barely heard from her and that hurt too. i just talked with her online for a moment. but just talking with her a tiny bit? feeling like i hadnt lost my closest friend? ..... i feel alot better for the time being!
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well, funny thing is when we dated she became my best and closest friend. now that were broken up ive barely heard from her and that hurt too. i just talked with her online for a moment. but just talking with her a tiny bit? feeling like i hadnt lost my closest friend? ..... i feel alot better for the time being! It's sort of like quitting smoking. You will probably have much better success if you just go cold turkey. Block her from your emails, take her off your contacts - computer and phone. |
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i know i may be a glutton for punishment? but i really dont want to do that! there wasnt alot of animosity between us and i really would LOVE to still have her as a friend of mine! She and I were so close, even before we dated! Ive told her things ive never told anyone else about, and i honestly believe this is a friendship worth keeping. Is it wrong to want to keep in touch with her like this? anyone else wanna weigh in here? thanks lewis! :)
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thanks for the advice. i dont so much need validation from a new girl, its just that im very co dependent. haha im just not anywhere near as happy as i can be unless i have someone in my life to cuddle and be with. lol i sound like a total sap i know it. When you learn how to be happy by yourself, you'll have a lot more to offer to a relationship. A co-dependent relationship is not a healthy relationship. Nobody's happiness should depend on whether they are with somebody or not. It takes time to heal and get to know oneself again after a break-up. When that is done, it's time to look for somebody else, IMO. |
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No matter the depth of the friendship you feel... what you're doing is rationlizing her rather than admitting you're just seeking an excuse to keep her in your life.
It's hard to just be friends with a woman after your penis has been in her vagina and all the emotions that resulted and vice versa. |
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No matter the depth of the friendship you feel... what you're doing is rationlizing her rather than admitting you're just seeking an excuse to keep her in your life. It's hard to just be friends with a woman after your penis has been in her vagina and all the emotions that resulted and vice versa. Well put. And very true. |
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hmmmm maybe so. il have to think on this one for a bit. i still really do want to have her as a friend tho. looking back on our relationship i see that for a long time? we have mainly BEEN friends with an extra attachment. every now and again she would profess her love for me in some way or another, but we have not done very much sexually in a long time. and its been a long while since she was very affectionate to me very often either. i dont mean this as my having anger twoards her! i simply mean that she hasnt loved me for over 3 months before we broke up and she didnt know how to let me down. and i think she was having a hard time admitting that to herself too considering we had discussed marriage and children! lol. no, i kinda see us at this point as friends who couldnt let go and move on and just clung trying to force it to work even tho it obviously wasnt. and if we were that good of friends? id like to keep that friendship.
thanks much for everyone whos offered me advice. being able to have someone to talk about all this to has really helped me out alot. thanks again everyone! |
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ive been seeing a wonderful girl for the past 9 and a half months. a few days ago she made it very clear to me that she still loved me! ... she just isnt IN love with me anymore. she let me know how shes never really been single and doesnt want a boyfriend period, and how she still wants us to be friends! (i was her only real close friend even before we dated) now i find that 2 days later she had already started dating someone new, and she seems to not be interested in returning my messages. (i swear im giving her space and not being a stalker! heh) im happy for her having moved on, and im not mad at her at all. im simply having a horrid time controlling my racing mind, and getting over it. especially her immediate move onto someone else. (god the unwanted thoughts in my head over that part!) i havent been able to eat or sleep much and im trying to be proactive about it all by moving on and not just sitting around dwelling on it. my heart wont stop pounding sometimes and im completley baffled by what to do with all this free time i suddenly have! i feel like ive not just lost my girlfriend but my best friend all at once. what do i do? i know myself quite well and know if i found someone new? id be able to be happy and move on to them without it being a total rebound. problem is, in this town? how do you meet someone new! and if thats not the approach to take? then what ELSE do i do?! thanks for any input here people. You're too nice. I'd be a complete *** after being used like that. |
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ive been seeing a wonderful girl for the past 9 and a half months. a few days ago she made it very clear to me that she still loved me! ... she just isnt IN love with me anymore. she let me know how shes never really been single and doesnt want a boyfriend period, and how she still wants us to be friends! (i was her only real close friend even before we dated) now i find that 2 days later she had already started dating someone new, and she seems to not be interested in returning my messages. (i swear im giving her space and not being a stalker! heh) im happy for her having moved on, and im not mad at her at all. im simply having a horrid time controlling my racing mind, and getting over it. especially her immediate move onto someone else. (god the unwanted thoughts in my head over that part!) i havent been able to eat or sleep much and im trying to be proactive about it all by moving on and not just sitting around dwelling on it. my heart wont stop pounding sometimes and im completley baffled by what to do with all this free time i suddenly have! i feel like ive not just lost my girlfriend but my best friend all at once. what do i do? i know myself quite well and know if i found someone new? id be able to be happy and move on to them without it being a total rebound. problem is, in this town? how do you meet someone new! and if thats not the approach to take? then what ELSE do i do?! thanks for any input here people. Man, I raised gorgeous daughters with full personalities. Chances are she'll come back to the friend: will you be ready? Mature, learn, grow. |
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