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| Topic: Shallow Be Thy Name | |
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It is what it is.
I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus. And that's OK. I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception. "Shallow" meant you were bad person. And I thought about that. Why? Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person? And then I figured it out. Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards. And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM. They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me. Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine. Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here. Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS. Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for. Save us all a lot of time. |
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Bravo!!!!
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You are the man, the myth, the legend!!
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That is why I have all the respect for you Lex.
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My dearest Lex, I always thought that shallow pertained to a persons intellect, knowledge or emotion. I didn't think it applied to what they wanted in a person. I thought that's just what we preferred.
Feeling awfully dumb right now. 
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Sun 09/27/09 01:06 PM
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It is what it is. I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus. And that's OK. I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception. "Shallow" meant you were bad person. And I thought about that. Why? Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person? And then I figured it out. Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards. And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM. They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me. Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine. Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here. Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS. Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for. Save us all a lot of time. Absolutely agree here. The problem is, when those of us who know better actually call BS on the people who speak those platitudes so as not to look " bad ", we get called cynical, or arrogant or a whole multitude of other things. If even one out of 20 people here would admit that there HAS to be physical attraction before they'll even bother to get to know the " what's inside " bit, things would be a whole lot easier. |
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Edited by
southern_bee
on
Sun 09/27/09 01:10 PM
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You are the man, the myth, the legend!! lex this is why you are so deeply worshiped on here! hello j  basically people want someone honest,but when an honest person calls them out they get mad and all offended!they really really need to leave their storybook fantasy of a mate and come down to earth. |
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After the week an weekend i had that was one of the best reads i had yet thanks there an yeah i'm better today.. but that was welled said
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It is what it is. I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus. And that's OK. I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception. "Shallow" meant you were bad person. And I thought about that. Why? Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person? And then I figured it out. Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards. And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM. They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me. Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine. Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here. Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS. Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for. Save us all a lot of time. Very nicely stated indeed. I'd like to add that -- for me -- this is during the initially meeting of potential dates that I find myself "specific". I know that if I were in love, in a long term committed relationship, and my love befell on illness, an accident, or something that would largely change our lifestyle, I would not leave or fall out of love. My mom took care of my father after his 8 month long coma, and I saw first-hand their love grow stronger. It's easy to be shallow when talking about strangers or acquaintances. |
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Bravo Lex!
you just said pretty much the things i've been thinking about 
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shallow b!tch
<------------------ |
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Bravo sir......bravo
 Expanding on your thought a little more. Why is it that confidence is often taken as arrogance? Okay, someone lists several "Deal breakers" in a profile, or has several things listed that may seem to make them appear "picky" about what they are looking for or want. Again, as you stated is that their problem.....or someone elses? I see no problem with someone who is confident about themself, and has a clear understanding of what they are looking for; in fact I applaud these people. It's not a personal attack against anyone, just a clear upfront explaination of who they are and what they desire. I think these people excel in showing who they really are. In a vast sea of seemingly fake truely shallow profiles, these "seemingly" shallow people are the beacons of truth. Again Lex, BRAVO! |
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Lex, while I can see where you are coming from. Can u imagine what the dating world would be like if everyone was so "shallow" as you? Im not trying to be rude here, however if there was no woman willing to look beyond physical attributes, well my friend you would surely be without a date...The point is, if u mean to say your "standards" are for example; I will only date blondes or women who weigh less then 120lbs well there is a reason that kinda of thinking is frowned upon because, by excluding and enitire group of women based mainly on their appearence is only cheating yourself, anyone with any intelligence at all knows that. No one can know what will make them happy, in then end all that matters is how that person makes you feel, not how they look. Dont get me wrong your opinion doesn't anger me at all, I only think that you limit yourself from finding true happiness the way you are thinking about dating.
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Lex, while I can see where you are coming from. Can u imagine what the dating world would be like if everyone was so "shallow" as you? Im not trying to be rude here, however if there was no woman willing to look beyond physical attributes, well my friend you would surely be without a date...The point is, if u mean to say your "standards" are for example; I will only date blondes or women who weigh less then 120lbs well there is a reason that kinda of thinking is frowned upon because, by excluding and enitire group of women based mainly on their appearence is only cheating yourself, anyone with any intelligence at all knows that. No one can know what will make them happy, in then end all that matters is how that person makes you feel, not how they look. Dont get me wrong your opinion doesn't anger me at all, I only think that you limit yourself from finding true happiness the way you are thinking about dating. |
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Actually...that wasn't really rude at all.
She was making her point in a very plain way, but I don't believe it was rude. |
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Edited by
JustAGuy2112
on
Sun 09/27/09 02:01 PM
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The point is, if u mean to say your "standards" are for example; I will only date blondes or women who weigh less then 120lbs well there is a reason that kinda of thinking is frowned upon because, by excluding and enitire group of women based mainly on their appearence is only cheating yourself, anyone with any intelligence at all knows that. But, even though that thinking may be " frowned upon ", the person is STILL going to think that. But the pressure of it being " frowned upon " will keep them from being honest about it. |
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Hell ya, as usual I agree with Lex!
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i won't ever date someone to whom i'm not attracted. why would anyone?
the attributes don't always have to remain constant, so long as there is chemistry and easy rapport. i've never understood how wanting someone to meet your physical and emotional needs is considered shallow? |
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Edited by
MelodyGirl
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Sun 09/27/09 02:14 PM
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i won't ever date someone to whom i'm not attracted. why would anyone? the attributes don't always have to remain constant, so long as there is chemistry and easy rapport. i've never understood how wanting someone to meet your physical and emotional needs is considered shallow? Exactly! Within my dating experiences, there have been many "types" of guys that I've been attracted to -- that off-hand was not my "norm"; however, something about them did it for me! I think on dating sites especially, we seem shallower because this is all on "paper" so to speak. On a computer screen the person has no animation, personality, or realism so their physical appearance is more of a precursor. When we meet people in real-life the first time (rather than online), the chances of chemistry and the unexplained attraction has a much better success rate. |
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The bottom line w/ me on this subject matter is honest,open,straight forwardness right from the onset of your communication w/ this other person.Otherwise U are filling up this hot air balloon w/ false truths,expectations,exaggerations,promises,etc.cleverly concealed beneath some guise of deception.This dimwitted & dishonest approach generally leads up to the same inevitable outcome.Do I have preferences? Of course I do & they are plainly & clearly stated within my profile.I will say that my preferences are not based solely on superficial attributes however there must be a pleasant attraction between us two for obvious reasons otherwise the sexual component of your relationship later will certainly be compromised.Do I have flaws? Of course I do.And I'm equally certain that she possesses some likewise.At this point & age in my life I am completely aware of what I want & expect within a relationship.And more importantly what I don't want in my next relationship for I have learned well from sheer experience that nearly destroyed me financially,physically & emotionally.Hence the saying"if we are not taught by our past we are doomed to repeat it".If my words have left U w/ the impression that I am shallow then so be it for I can assure that I will not be concerned nor lose sleep over your indifference.There lies no limitations or time constraints to-wards finding my S/O as far as I'm concerned.I've been here nearly 3 yrs.w/ some wonderful friends & I find the forums to be highly entertaining.Within me lies hope that we will one day find one another but until then I shall bide my time w/o any regrets,false hope or disillusionment.Godspeed! Cy.
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