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| Topic: Wisdom from poeple who've been married before ? | |
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Ah So Grasshopper Ancient wisdom say: Wife who fly upside down have crack up! what about upside down husband? Upside down husband allways have one eye on sky! but who gets to say which end is up? |
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Ah So Grasshopper Ancient wisdom say: Wife who fly upside down have crack up! what about upside down husband? Upside down husband allways have one eye on sky! but who gets to say which end is up? if both are nekkid I reckon it would be 'up'. |
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" (1) Spend the time, make the effort BEFORE locking into marriage to get to know them, not hope for the best afterwards. (2) Be prepared to give 100%, not 50%. They will be thinking the same. (3) Be kinder to your marriage partner than anyone else you know. (4) Back them up to the hilt. (5) Think every day, of ways to make them happy. Follow through. (6) NEVER use the words "Your problem is.." (7) Be faithful, and giving and unselfish. (8) Maintain your identity. (9) Listen. You don't have to have the answers. (10) Kisses work wonders :-) " Maybe now we know why guys find it so hard to get this right. (Is there a "quote" button somewhere)? |
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Ah So Grasshopper Ancient wisdom say: Wife who fly upside down have crack up! what about upside down husband? Upside down husband allways have one eye on sky! but who gets to say which end is up? if both are nekkid I reckon it would be 'up'. yes I'd say that'd be a healthy sign & reasonable assumption 
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After 4 1/2 years, I can honestly only give one piece of advice...
WAIT FOR HIM TO ASK!...preferably with a ring. Its not so much about the money, as it is proof that they are going the extra mile because they care. If, you are gonna go for the touchdown, the least he can do is kick the extra point. Even though my ex was a user, I can easily say that I will still try again because I know not everyone is a shithead like himI. |
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For those 0f you who've already been to the alter already and back again, what words of wisdom can you offer about married life? As a person who has never been, married, i sometimes view marriage and experiences of marriage life as something that's Wholly out of my grasp to comprehend .Just like a person who has never been in love cannot imagine What its like ,i can't imagine what it's like to be married So tell me -and tell the rest of us never-been-married what its like to be married? How is married relationship different than single life? What mistakes did you make the first time around that you can use as a Life Lesson now that your single ? I think I would rather consult a marriage counselor and get an unbiased opinion about marriage. |
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Like some, I don't see getting marred ever again. If you think about it, being married is no different then being in that relationship not married.
My advice to people that have plains to get married. try to make sure you know the person your going to be getting married to. Because if the relationship is not going well before you do it. it will never work either way. |
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Edited by
artlo
on
Sat 02/05/11 07:38 AM
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My advice,
Two main areas of concern. 1) Get a good common understanding of fidelity issues. Everything gets found out, eventually. 2) get a good understanding as to how money is to be handled. Think of all the possible eventualities. Things may not be the same 10 years from now as they are today. You may be able to slide some on the "make him(her) feel special" stuff, but these two things will stop your marriage cold. |
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NEVER stop EARNING the relationship.
Treat everyday like it might be your last, you NEVER KNOW. |
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Treat everyday like it might be your last, you NEVER KNOW. That is exactly how I live life. |
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Ok I have heaps of advice,
 1. Firstly if you have any doubts.......RUN like Hell. 2. If you think things will get better... RUN even faster. 3. If you think it's normal to argue... RUN 4. If they are a little controlling... RUN it will only get worse. 5. If they dont love you for who you are... Just get out. Ok LOL well I have been married twice. Both disasterous, although I had heaps of good times, and have a heap of great memories and at the time I believed that I loved the my husbands. Sadly we where not suited. Marraige can be fantastic if you are with the right person, it is like you have have the other half of yourself. someone who is there for you , who you dont want to be without, but who you dont have to cling to. somebody who loves you for whoyou are, good and bad, someone who you can share everything with and know that your feelings are safe. Dont ever ever settle for anything but the best, in the long run it will tear you apart. So I guess marraige can be heaven or Hell |
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(1) Spend the time, make the effort BEFORE locking into marriage to get to know them, not hope for the best afterwards. (2) Be prepared to give 100%, not 50%. They will be thinking the same. (3) Be kinder to your marriage partner than anyone else you know. (4) Back them up to the hilt. (5) Think every day, of ways to make them happy. Follow through. (6) NEVER use the words "Your problem is.." (7) Be faithful, and giving and unselfish. (8) Maintain your identity. (9) Listen. You don't have to have the answers. (10) Kisses work wonders :-)  3rd it!
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For those 0f you who've already been to the alter already and back again, what words of wisdom can you offer about married life? As a person who has never been, married, i sometimes view marriage and experiences of marriage life as something that's Wholly out of my grasp to comprehend .Just like a person who has never been in love cannot imagine What its like ,i can't imagine what it's like to be married So tell me -and tell the rest of us never-been-married what its like to be married? How is married relationship different than single life? What mistakes did you make the first time around that you can use as a Life Lesson now that your single ? I think I would rather consult a marriage counselor and get an unbiased opinion about marriage. hey NG - be sure it is a married one!!  SRSLY - you almost have to be married or have had a lengthy marriage to speak to this at all( and I am a human services professional- btw) and then u get the best solution - the psychological expertise and the life experience
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Ok I have heaps of advice, 1. Firstly if you have any doubts.......RUN like Hell. 2. If you think things will get better... RUN even faster. 3. If you think it's normal to argue... RUN 4. If they are a little controlling... RUN it will only get worse. 5. If they dont love you for who you are... Just get out. Ok LOL well I have been married twice. Both disasterous, although I had heaps of good times, and have a heap of great memories and at the time I believed that I loved the my husbands. Sadly we where not suited. Marraige can be fantastic if you are with the right person, it is like you have have the other half of yourself. someone who is there for you , who you dont want to be without, but who you dont have to cling to. somebody who loves you for whoyou are, good and bad, someone who you can share everything with and know that your feelings are safe. Dont ever ever settle for anything but the best, in the long run it will tear you apart. So I guess marraige can be heaven or Hell good post. and true. but as you have also kind of said, I think most of us do think it's "forever" when we go into it, or we wouldn't. There were signs that my ex & I shouldn't have got married but we were too young to see them for what they were. I think he saw them before I did but he wasn't able to talk to me about it because I didn't want to hear it, but in my own defense I had more love - more willingness to compromise because I loved him so I think that's why it was hard for him to talk to me. he would have had to admit he didn't love me and for some reason he couldn't. He also came from a family where bad marraiges & divorce were common while in mine they are extremely rare so while I think there is value in everything that everyone has said, I don't know that anyone has mentioned yet that the more you have in common the better your chances are, statistically, to succeed, and age is not a parameter in these measurements. But people from similar socio economic backgrounds and eudcational back grounds tend to "make it" more often than those from disparate back grounds. My guess is that's even more true when the couple is quite young as my ex & I were |
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I was married for nineteen years. If I was still married, I'd maybe be worthy of giving advice. It was blissful and wonderful at its best, but mind bending and gut wrenching at its worst. If I ever decided to commit to it again, I'd avoid (like the plague) codependency, resentment, and complacency. I'd always and in all ways keep in mind and heart that compassionate communication is the key to empathy. To me, marriage isn't a piece paper. It's a declaration to the world that we stand together against all comers. Then again, what do I know eh... certainly you know plenty after 19 years. Lest we forget, nothing can last that long wihtout some good having come from it, and the stuff that wasn't so good is a pretty good lesson learned too. We learn, I think, to appreciate things that hadn't occurred to us before We also learn a lot about what we need " Experience is the harshest teacher because you have to take the test, before you get the lesson" I've heard people say something similar about parenting.  Did you not have any good experiences? Experience is an excellent teacher, yes, some lessons a bit harsh, most not. But I would hope Ima bit smarter for it all  Yes, plenty of great experiences. No one to reminisce about them with but yes... I feel smarter too. It would have been nice had we both had good role models for parents. We were both from broken homes. I feel plenty more informed on the matter. Maybe that education will pay off some sunny day. Maybe not... Time will only tell. I sort of think it's too bad that it's not part of a public school curriculum. "Relationship success 101". It seems so important to a happy and healthy adulthood for some of us. Last I heard there's a 50% divorce rate. Good for lawyers I guess... I'm not sure who else though. well I am impressed by your earnestness and honesty. I'm sure your parents did the best they could, but I wonder, did you not also - being that you had a 24 (or was it 19? well...) year marriage. that's a good, long run. I hope for you to find another chance & good luck next time - just warn the ladies that it will be at least 25 yrs to top ur old reord  Thanks for the good words. I'm not about giving warnings. I am about heeding my own intuition though... I hope to not compare (too much) any future relationships to past ones. On the positive sentiment. Same to you with cherries on top.
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(1) Spend the time, make the effort BEFORE locking into marriage to get to know them, not hope for the best afterwards. (2) Be prepared to give 100%, not 50%. They will be thinking the same. (3) Be kinder to your marriage partner than anyone else you know. (4) Back them up to the hilt. (5) Think every day, of ways to make them happy. Follow through. (6) NEVER use the words "Your problem is.." (7) Be faithful, and giving and unselfish. (8) Maintain your identity. (9) Listen. You don't have to have the answers. (10) Kisses work wonders :-) May I add,,,Whoever you wish to be their wife....PLEASE..make sure you BOTH are willing to communicate ANY issues of thoughts.. Because IF YOU HAVE THAT,,,with each other,,,Most of ALL the small stuff,,,is just brushed away,,,anytime its thought, or talked.. They should FEEL and ACT,,,as your bestfriend,,, Your thoughts can't be on ANYONE else,,because YOU ONLY HAVE THEM in there,,,lol As much as YOU GIVE,,,you also must be able to TAKE BACK... Through the good times,,as well as the bad times.. NO RELATIONSHIP comes READY MADE,,or EASY TO KEEP.. Its made through struggles, time, compassions and the ability to WANT TO TRY YOUR BEST FOR THEM,,and HE THE SAME TO YOU... PERFECT----will NEVER BE,,,and because of that,,,life will feel like an up, and down road,,until you both have EACH OTHER inside your hearts,,then,,,NOTHING CAN BREAK YOU BOTH APART... Thats my best,,,with all that also was written so beautiful above me. SO BE CAREFUL GURL...and BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE,, Love yourself first,,,then loving someone else becomes easy.. |
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I was married for nineteen years. If I was still married, I'd maybe be worthy of giving advice. It was blissful and wonderful at its best, but mind bending and gut wrenching at its worst. If I ever decided to commit to it again, I'd avoid (like the plague) codependency, resentment, and complacency. I'd always and in all ways keep in mind and heart that compassionate communication is the key to empathy. To me, marriage isn't a piece paper. It's a declaration to the world that we stand together against all comers. Then again, what do I know eh... certainly you know plenty after 19 years. Lest we forget, nothing can last that long wihtout some good having come from it, and the stuff that wasn't so good is a pretty good lesson learned too. We learn, I think, to appreciate things that hadn't occurred to us before We also learn a lot about what we need " Experience is the harshest teacher because you have to take the test, before you get the lesson" I've heard people say something similar about parenting. Did you not have any good experiences? Experience is an excellent teacher, yes, some lessons a bit harsh, most not. But I would hope Ima bit smarter for it all Yes, plenty of great experiences. No one to reminisce about them with but yes... I feel smarter too. It would have been nice had we both had good role models for parents. We were both from broken homes. I feel plenty more informed on the matter. Maybe that education will pay off some sunny day. Maybe not... Time will only tell. I sort of think it's too bad that it's not part of a public school curriculum. "Relationship success 101". It seems so important to a happy and healthy adulthood for some of us. Last I heard there's a 50% divorce rate. Good for lawyers I guess... I'm not sure who else though. well I am impressed by your earnestness and honesty. I'm sure your parents did the best they could, but I wonder, did you not also - being that you had a 24 (or was it 19? well...) year marriage. that's a good, long run. I hope for you to find another chance & good luck next time - just warn the ladies that it will be at least 25 yrs to top ur old reord Thanks for the good words. I'm not about giving warnings. I am about heeding my own intuition though... I hope to not compare (too much) any future relationships to past ones. On the positive sentiment. Same to you with cherries on top. thank you. I think it best to avoid comparisons. I certainly don't want to be compared to an ex...either. I like to be optomistic and hope that another chance will be a completely new experience for which comparisons will be meaningless. Good point- I think you're right - it's good not to come into a new marriage wiht the "rules" from the old one |
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I swore at a very young age I would never go through a divorce....not getting married makes that promise doable. Besides...I have pretty much ruined myself with self-centered freedom and I doubt many chicks could put up with me for a life time. Aint saying it couldn't happen...But the woman would definitely have her work cut out. I feel the same way now I consider myself a Nomad , it's hard for a woman to want to settle down and be with someone who is always on the go looking always at the present and the next adventure and I mean real adventure not this hollywood romantic adventure crap |
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For those 0f you who've already been to the alter already and back again, what words of wisdom can you offer about married life? As a person who has never been, married, i sometimes view marriage and experiences of marriage life as something that's Wholly out of my grasp to comprehend .Just like a person who has never been in love cannot imagine What its like ,i can't imagine what it's like to be married So tell me -and tell the rest of us never-been-married what its like to be married? How is married relationship different than single life? What mistakes did you make the first time around that you can use as a Life Lesson now that your single ? I think I would rather consult a marriage counselor and get an unbiased opinion about marriage. hey NG - be sure it is a married one!! SRSLY - you almost have to be married or have had a lengthy marriage to speak to this at all( and I am a human services professional- btw) and then u get the best solution - the psychological expertise and the life experience I guess a happily married counselor would be my best bet. In the military we had marriage prep classes. So if I ever do decide to get married; I think I need to enrol in one. |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Sat 02/05/11 03:27 PM
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For those 0f you who've already been to the alter already and back again, what words of wisdom can you offer about married life? As a person who has never been, married, i sometimes view marriage and experiences of marriage life as something that's Wholly out of my grasp to comprehend .Just like a person who has never been in love cannot imagine What its like ,i can't imagine what it's like to be married So tell me -and tell the rest of us never-been-married what its like to be married? How is married relationship different than single life? What mistakes did you make the first time around that you can use as a Life Lesson now that your single ? I think my dad gave me the best advice whatever attracts us, keeps us attracted in other words, whatever you were doing to 'get' that commitment is what you must do (at the very least) to keep it if you were looking good, maintain your looks if you were buying her/him presents, continue buying presents if you were fun and upbeat, remain fun and upbeat fellas if you were being gracious and considerate, dont just create babies and abandon her at home to do the babysitting after you get her ladies, if you were looking hot and being supportive of him, dont go to ignoring him once you have kids ,,,,,you get my point many people fall off because they pretend to be something they arent to attract someone and once they have that person and get comfortable the TRUE self comes out which isnt at all what the other person wanted,,, |
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