Not all secrets are bad to others.But a couple secrets,i AM taking to my grave.would i ever reveal it.

You did it again. Grabbed the thoughts out of my head and said them better than I could! Think you are doing this on purpose now...

I agree with you 100%

I have Nothing to hide. Others probably would but I won't. If she leaves because she knows - she wasn't right for me.

Not wanting to know and keeping a secret aren't really the same.

If you know he is willing to talk about it but you don't want to hear it, then it is not a secret in my book. You could always ask...



That reminds me - secrets are related to trust. It is hard to trust someone completely if you know they are hiding something from you.

And trust once broken is very hard to rebuild...

Does holding a secret break trust though? There's a difference between a lie and an untold secret.

I think it depends on the secret!

It also depends on the partner too! If you didn't trust your SO not to tell anyone a secret confided in you by a dear friend, then would you tell them?

I guess ultimately, I'd seek a partner that I could trust with anything, but thus far in life...that hasn't been my experience.

I personally don't keep secrets about myself from anyone, especially a partner and would feel uneasy if they could not trust me with anything about themselves!

But if there's a secret held, how was any trust built to be broken? Well, I guess if you trusted them not to hold a secret from you.

I think the problem would be hearing "I have a secret BUT I can't tell you." Why bring it up? That is what would make the other person wonder what it was that they could share.

i agree! who knows how many people have secrets that we never know of, probably most people because we all come from somewhere. but, by saying this it's almost like the guilt is getting to them and by at least sharing that they have a secret, they then put a burden on the other as to whether or not they can handle the relationship by not knowing what it is. almost a weird reverse psychology.

nooooooooooooo

Let me put it this way, One girl I dated held a minor secret from me that was no big deal. She didn't tell me for two months. When she did tell me, it really hurt that she didn't share that with me A LOT earlier and I was thinking, if she is nervous about telling me something that isn't a big deal, what will she hide from me?

If you are paying attention to what your SO is saying, you will see an obvious gap in their story/life at some point. Like they never talk about high school or gloss over it. You will know they have something they don't want to say. Whenever there is a time-frame of their life that you don't really know anything about, that is what they are avoiding. Especially if you ask about it.

I have nothing to confess to, Your Honour


...and quite frankly...I don't have a desire to know yours either....Oh Fictitious Mythical One Day Partner.

If someone is running around saying they have a secret but aren't going to tell you, then that's wrong. Some of it, quite frankly, isn't anyone else's business. Especially if there are already stigmas involved in life in general, with regards to whatever the secret might be.

What one person considers a major secret really may not be, but the person believes it, and that's what counts. With as fast as relationships turn around anymore, and the way crap is blabbed on the internet vindictively afterwards, I can see people having a hard time being willing to open up.

Ok...

HIV positive?...no secrets allowed.

Been incarcerated as a child sexual abuser?...no secrets allowed.

Been incarcerated for anything?...no secrets allowed.


Stole bubblegum when you were six?....secret.

Cheated on your homework in grade 4?...secret.

Has had sex more than once?....secret.


Mental health issues?...no secret allowed.


...that's how I roll, anyways.

i have always suspected that you had sex more than once!!

it it interesting about the bubblegum and cheating at school though!

...It wasn't ME!!!


sex more than once?...errrm...aaah.....weeell...

thumbscrews til they spill!


oops...guess "my" little secret's out

This is off subject, but it just hit me you look like Rose off of Two and a half Men Which, is ok cause she's a hottie!

I think knowledge of someone you date casually has a right to be limited for privacy sake. Dateing should not come with an high security clearance interogation for a casual public date.

People who are dead set on TMI up front sound a little neurotic to me. Everyone has dated a "frog" here or there; get over it. And Everyone has baggage but it does not necessarily define who they are overall.

But if someone is starting out saying this is secret and making a big drama of it I would back away and figure it is not worth knowing or knowing them.

People generally know what are "deal breakers" and if they can't own up to their own choices in life well how loyal are they going to be to the choice of being someone to me at any level? Especially a significant one?

Having a secret is one thing - telling someone that you have a secret but can't tell them - is MANIPULATION. I would be very concerned about why the person felt they needed to tell you there is something they are hiding!

I think that trust is an earned thing and as we grow to trust someone over time, we hopefully gain comfort with letting down our masks and allowing others to see us. If this does not happen in a relationship - there is a problem!

Agreed! I'd mind **** them right back.

ME: I completely understand, I was hoping I wouldn't need to open my own "secret" skeleton closet... thank you!