well said girl

It would depend on the individuals. My daughter and son-in-law have been married for 13 years and hate being away from each other. I guess being best friends also helps.

A relationship is when two people mesh thier lives together. I agree there are different stages. I am looking for a relationship, not dating, however right now I am open to dating, bc you have to start somewhere. But dating doesn't last long for me. After 1 or 2 dates, I already know whether or not I like enough to go to the next stage, a relationship. I will be ready to start sharing every little thing that goes on in my life and I expect the same in return. To me, that defines what a relationship is, when two independent lives mesh together as one. It's not about control, both still have just as much control as before. Its kinda like having 2 brains who share just one body. If one wants 2 make decisions without the other person being a factor, then to me that is not a relationship, it has remained at the dating stage or a derivative, such as fwb, etc. If you aren't thinking about & working towards a future of living together, marriage, family, etc & want 2 be a sole proprietor, then its not a relationship.

before children, we would be one, no time apart needed but all requests for time alone honored


after children, we would have to have a balance of couple time, family time, and self time(to keep from going insane)

If a couple are living together, then i assume they LOVE and RESPECT one another. Part of that, imo, is allowing the other person to grow and develop independently as well as growing together as a couple. Dan and I have nights out with our friends independently, and often take trips independently for many reasons, but we also do these things together.

I had a previous relationship which my boyfriend was quite needy of my time, stating he didnt needs friends, or anyone else in his life cos he had me. I wasnt comfortable with this at all, it put a lot of pressure on me, and i didnt feel it was healthy at all.

Just because you have chosen to take a partner in life, does not mean you are closing the door on your own personal life...they should meet to make a balance.

My BF & I spend all our time together. We travel on the road & really don't know anyone where we're at. So, we're always together. Occassionally we'll meet for dinner with his work crew if all of us are in the same town. Right now he's on vacation with his kids while I stayed behind.

When you're in a relationship, do you still spend time with your friends on your own? Or are you one of those people who stops doing that?

If I'm in a relationship, I still need some me time to do things I enjoy and see friends. I can't be one of those people who never does anything outside of the relationship.

Sounds more like you want to control the person. Some of the best relationships I know of are because the couple respect each other enough to give them independence to do their own thing. You are young and have a lot to learn about relationships. You can't control people 24/7 and eventually they will end up leaving you. We all need our space.

Yeah, this 24/7 stuff is going to make him seem very needy and clingy. And make her feel smothered.

Well, he is young and will learn the hard way.

True but some women like to have "me time" or "girls night out"! It's refreshing and relaxing and without it we will not feel right emotionally. I would want as much quality time with my partner as possible, but still need time with my friends, family, and animals to stay mentally healthy. A relationship isn't define by how much you do together, but by how you work together to reach your goals!

WOW. There are so many things wrong with this I don't know where to begin. Let me point out what I see in your post above. Please don't take it too personal, but I would run as fast as I could from that kind of approach.

#1.


Yes, you have to start somewhere. You should try speed dating, see how that works. Or send for a mail order Bride from Russia. They might not waste any time on dating, they just want to get married to an American.

#2.


You should not expect too much because you will be disappointed. This sounds like a husband who give his wife the third degree about where she has been every moment of her life she is not with him and translates as "control freak."

#3


Excuse me? Not about control? That is much more than control, that is total consumption. Get me some air quick! What ever happen to people being individuals? Do you really think you will find a woman who is so much like you that she would want that? Dream on. And go see a relationship councilor even before you find a relationship.

#3


So here you are saying that anyone you have a "relationship" with now must always consult you anytime they are faced with making a decision. So you don't consider friends with benefits (fwb) to be a relationship? I take it that for you, "relationship" means... we are engaged to be married or married. Anything else is not considered a relationship. Got it.

#4

Why don't you just call it an engagement then? Okay, what do you mean by a sole proprietor?

That means one person ownership in business terms.
You might do well in a family that simply arranges marriages.

Or you could purchase a wife.

Excellent post.

Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. I in no way meant that a woman needs my permission or approval to do what she wants. It would just be nice to know that she cares about me enough to want to share her life with me. I'm not asking for information because i'm digging for something to lecture on. If I were to jump to conclusions, it sounds to me like people who don't want to share are embarassed or insecure with their life, afraid of being judged, or that I won't understand and fly off the handle, or maybe there really is something to hide. I guess if you could see it from another angle, if I am left completely out of some things, its going to be me who feels without any control. Just because I make a request doesn't mean I am trying to dominate the world, I wish people didn't have to feel that way. I guess it's not my intentions, but how other people percieve me. Maybe I am too intimidating and should try to find less invasive ways to make requests. Sorry 4 the long post but on my phone & no paragraphs

Stages: single- sole ownership of your life, no one else is a factor. Friends/dating- other person expresses thier opinions and may or may not be able to influence a few decisions, however most intimate details are not shared. Relationship- Other person's opinions are very valuable to you and you feel the need to share everything and get input but you still make the final decisions, more of the intimate deep down stuff is revealed. Engagement/Marriage- every detail is shared by default and approval and permission is needed by both parties, decisions are made by compromise. I'm curious to see what other people think.

To me, "girls night out" or "guys night out" is something that we stop doing when we become adults. I have one best friend who I talk to every once in a while about "the good ol days" and how we are to old and have to many responsibilities to do those things anymore. Other than that I only have my work aquaintences. Not really interested in going out with the guys to the bar and wasting a bunch of money and making a fool out of myself. The last time I went out with a friend from work, I was miserable the whole time, wishing I was out making magic with a woman instead of wasting my night drinking, watching sports, and playing video games. Those are things we did as teenagers in high school, I'd like to think that I've made some progress since then.

I think you are missing the point of girls night/guys night out. Its a chance to spend with your friends and it doesn't mean you have to get drunk. I just spent a girl's night out eating sushi. These nights have nothing to do with maturity; its simply to spend time with your friends. I think you won't find many women that will fit in to your way of thinking as they need their girl time. Most gals and guys want and need time away from their partner once in a while. I know my friends who have been married for years still have girls/guys night out and they are still happily married. You might want to re-read pink_lady's post as she put this in perspective.

Well, we are all different. Everyone is looking for something different. Some women feel pressured by my ways, while some would love to have a guy like me. One person's trash is another person's treasure.



I think I've already learned the hard way, twice. But what I've learned is that I should look for a woman who wants togetherness and not independance, a woman who embraces my ways, instead of feeling smothered. I've already expressed what I'm looking for and would be very unhappy in a relationship that didn't include those things. I'm just getting depressed and frustrated because I can't seem to find her.

In case you didn't read the thread about what women really want, they want to be in charge of their own lives. A woman who does not want independence will be a co-dependent. In my opinion, both partners in a relationship should be able to stand on their own two feet and feel confident to do so. I've seen co-dependence and it is dysfunctional.

It is hard to find a balance between individualism and partnership. you have to have both.

Of course not. You would never do that.
But I don't think I'm buying that. It's probably just me and many years of experience in this area.



Sharing is nice, but it is rare when two people share the same passion and interest in all the same things. If you find a perfect soul mate that might happen. But bottom line, no two people are that much alike. Sharing should be voluntary, not mandatory. Anything mandatory means you are making rules for someone else.

Sometimes the things you might want to share bore you to death. Also, your partner might want to share with you something and you don't approve of it or believe in it and you then begin the tedious process of trying to change each other. Thus begins the battles.

But if you have never actually been married, you wouldn't know all of this. You want the ideal relationship. You want someone just like you only a female version. That's probably not going to happen, but keep looking if you think it can.




There you go. Rather than say that its going to be you who feels left out of things, you said you would feel without any control.

Control of what? The relationship? The situation? Your spouse?
What do you want control of? You always have control of yourself right? But if your spouse is not telling you everything or leaving you out of something you are going to feel you are without control.... OF HER, not of your own life.



People will feel the way they feel. You have no control over that, sorry.




You are not at all intimidating. You are extremely transparent.