One of my very best friends is paralyzed. He is interested in me romantically. Long before he met me, his male best friend has always been a bipolar dude. He can talk me down from a tree like nobody else. He can talk to me and rationalize with me and get me to listen better than anyone on the planet. And he understands me better than anyone else. And it would not be a sexless union. Let's just say he has his talents. But would you personally hook up with someone knowing that for the rest of your life, you would have to take care of them from the get go? I mean if this person could give you everything you ever wanted sexually, mentally, emotionally, etc. but they were paralyzed, would you go for it?

Hmmmm that's a tough one...

What struck me first was the name of the topic you chose... I f you think that being with him does make a sacrifice for you, then I would advise against... apart from that, it would depend on the personality for me. I have a friend I met back at the university, he's a nice guy, sitting in a wheelchair, too... he's nice, I like to have fun with him on parties, gambling and stuff... but I know he requests complete and utter devotion to himself; if not by words, then he lets is wife feel it by deeds if he feels neglected (which he actually does a lot). And if his pure touch would make my body shake and Angels sing in my head, I wouldn't tie up with him any further than friendship.

I know another bloke, he is happy as a kitten, loves it to be with people, can't do a lot of things either, but he's always on anybody's side, happy about any care and sign of friendship, just plain fun to be with, and he's able to just send you away... "You have to refuel to get your power back!" would be something you might hear from him... and if he could never please me physically, I might bei thinking about being with him.

You get what I mean?

Love is in the heart not the legs if it's true love then yes.

I am seriously considering it. He is extremely intelligent and had a very high paying job before his accident. He is not a dullard. He is actually wanting to move to a place where he could get a full time caregiver I just found out so he could be with me and I wouldn't have to do anything. He gets around much better than you think he would. He can tell just from my voice how I am doing and if I need to rest or eat or whatever. I mean i never met anyone like him before who "got me" so much.

Sunds good.... not at all like a sacrifice :)

Then go for it... hell, you only live once, at least that's what we can prove! ;)

If you consider dating him a sacrifice, then I would guess it won't work out.

It is easy to get used to disabilities. I have amazed myself in that regard. It is very hard to find someone who GETS you.

Just my .02

“Sacrifice” is the surrender of a greater value for the sake of a lesser one or of a nonvalue. Thus, altruism gauges a man’s virtue by the degree to which he surrenders, renounces or betrays his values (since help to a stranger or an enemy is regarded as more virtuous, less “selfish,” than help to those one loves). The rational principle of conduct is the exact opposite: always act in accordance with the hierarchy of your values, and never sacrifice a greater value to a lesser one.

This applies to all choices, including one’s actions toward other men. It requires that one possess a defined hierarchy of rational values (values chosen and validated by a rational standard). Without such a hierarchy, neither rational conduct nor considered value judgments nor moral choices are possible.
Ayn Rand

http://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/sacrifice.html

Personally, yes I would go for it. But, seeing as you think of the situation as a sacrifice then maybe you need to think about this a little more. It shouldn't feel like a sacrifice, but that's just me.

Good luck

He and I have talked about it some more. He is already planning on making changes so I would not be his caregiver. Just his girlfriend and eventually wife. I think I really need to talk more seriously with him about it. He is everything I ever wanted as far as being emotionally supportive and positive and able to handle my bipolar. I just don't think I am going to find someone else like him but we need to talk about it.

Yeah, but does he give you butterflies in your tummy??? It matters.

Would I? NO.

What she said.
When you find a good one, give it a go! Friendship is a good place to start, and let it build from there. I'm glad that you two are talking through the issues right up front. That's the only way to do it.

Happy journey to you.

agreed.

@ sannehan Nice thought dear

A friend of mine was born with severe Scoliosis (curvature of the spine).

She uses an electric wheelchair to get around. The only things she can do for herself is brush her hair and feed herself. She needs full-time care.

It didn't stop her getting married and having 4 kids (by natural means too).

She is still happily married and was even voted Mother of the Year locally.

At the time people said the marriage wouldn't last. At the wedding some people shook their heads and said it was all very sad (!)

Well, she and her husband proved all the doubters wrong as they have now been married over 25 years

It's funny how me and a certain ex, always just get on with our lives after we break up with each other. We kept giving it a go, cos we believed in each other. We were never bitter about each other. That one ex that gives me goosebumps, where the others don't hardly match up anywhere near to having that kind of effect on me. I was always under the impression, that when he broke up with me, it was for good, BUT, hi, being him, always wants me to come back again. Like a dog that never loses it's way home. I will never understands what he see's in me, but that's just him. My family know him well. lol.