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| Topic: The 1, 000, 000 question | |
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Sharia-A-Hug, the user RoamingOrator said up there that your profile is already scary.
So you may be doing already what I advised here. In that case try to feel the men out for their reading and comprehension abilities. Do you say they must be funny? Do they reply they are funny? Do they ever SOUND funny? if no, they are playing lip service. Do you say they must look like their pictures? do they say they look like their pictures? You can't verify this until you meet them, UNLESS you get a webcam and IM them with pics to see what they actually look like. You run a big risk this way, that they will show their penises (those, at least, who have more than one), and that's gross. There does seem to be no easy answer to anything. As much as technology helps, it also makes it harder. Do you say they must be well to do, or be well off, or be available for international travel? Do they say they are? do they bail from paying for the coffee? Avoid this disappointment by asking them to email you a scanned page of their bank statement or if they would order an Equifax or other reputable credit reporting agency to send you a transcript of their credit worthiness. Or ask them to fax or emial you a scanned image of pages of their passports, current passports, to see if they have one in the first place, and if yes, the entry and exit stamps show how often and how far they travel. These are the safety tips I would use if I were a woman, and would send to the woman if she were to ask me. Now. The above may sound stupid or ridiculous to you, but it will ensure that the guy won't stand you up. At this point, this is your main concern, so let's do one concern at a time. if I were to tell you the entire contents of the Book of Dating, you would stand there stunned like a Mullah who had just been recited the enitre Old Testament, end-to-end, in one reading. Another thing. Try to get a FB. A FWB. This sounds stupid, too, but it will cut down on your tone of desparation. A FWB does not have to be sleezy, at all, or a sleezy relationship. Not at all. In fact, they are very often the most noble and spiritually, emotionally, and physically satisfying relationships. Why? coz there is not much at stake, so the parties can afford to become honest, open, sincere, with expressing their concerns, emotions and needs, often without the fear of being judged for them. If you want a secret, very secret FWB, get the minister of your parish, or the judge in your small town, somebody like that. Not the pub owner or the local pimp or the editor of the community paper. Somebody very married, happily, with kids, who does not want to jeopardize his existence. He will be your buddy, your f buddy, your mentor, your support, your teacher like I and others here are now. This is not a bad deal, and people are doing it left right and centre, they just don't talk about it, for the reason that they prefer it private. There. Go and forth yourself. Find a man, do it with him, and then start a search to look for a partner you can call your very own. |
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Shareahug, Wux's posts may indeed sound ridiculous to you, but there's actually a whole lot of truth in there.
My opinion on why the guy treated you like that? He chickened out. Not quite as ready to meet someone "real" as he'd convinced himself and you that he was. His loss. And by the way, in the online dating world 8 months isn't a long time. Keep scouting out the men around you, and your luck will turn one day. |
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Shareahug, Wux's posts may indeed sound ridiculous to you, but there's actually a whole lot of truth in there. My opinion on why the guy treated you like that? He chickened out. Not quite as ready to meet someone "real" as he'd convinced himself and you that he was. His loss. And by the way, in the online dating world 8 months isn't a long time. Keep scouting out the men around you, and your luck will turn one day. Thank you, Bravalady. I got the entire idea of "proof" the other day, in a flash of insight. Some industries have trade unions, and they always bicker over money -- the company against the unions. Many times the company says, "We just don't have the money or the income or the potential future income to give you more pay." These are usually said in sad economic times, so they are believable. To me, at least, the guy who watches the news and interviews on TV. But is it really true. I don't know. Why do the unions never believe that line, and they completely dismiss it? Because they don't know if it's true, but they know they could know whether the company is really squeezed financially, if the company ever let them see the books. But the companies never allow the unions to see the books. So the statement "we don't have the money" is empty, meaningless. It may sway people emotionally, only emotionally. If the negotiation is to consider the financial matters, then the books must be shown, that's the long and short of it. So there are many books private people can open and show and look at, not just financial stuff. --------------- In fact, interpersonal life and living in society hinges a lot on trust. Trust must be given in any transaction, no matter what. But the risk of trusting the other can be minimized, and hardly ever does anyone take the trouble to check all the facts that CAN be checked. Banks do, when you apply for a loan, and everyone hates banks. Maybe that's why it's not a popularly accepted practice in private matters. This would show eloquently, "I don't trust you, but I have to." We can't say that, we are a hypocritical species. So we run risks, because of our own weakness of trying to run on our own hypocritical values. (Not you, Sharia-A-Hug, specifically; I am talking about the entire human race, not you specifically here.) Therefore people get stood up or dropped and never talked to again with no advance notice. |
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As others have said, just chalk it down to the fact that he's an idiot and be grateful that you didn't invest any more of your time on him. It happens...
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Apparently, I used a poor choice of words. What I was trying to convey wasn't that Shareahugs profile was scary, or that she was scaring off men. Quite the contrary, her profile is fine in the description part.
What I was intending to convey is that the reason the so-called suitor might not have shown up, or in this case set a more appropriate time frame, was possibly a case of nerves or lack of spine. I was thinking that when it went from casual flirting through email to an actual "real" meeting, the guy might have panicked. It happens, to some of us more than we'd like. As far as the profile change, I was trying to say that a "five year" age difference in an area of of a 50 mile radius really limits the number of people that can contact a person. There could be someone near you that misses one of those critera by a year or a mile. I know when I "filter" searches that way, I'll only get maybe two or three possibles, though I will admit I live in a rural area. I guess I look at it as putting limits on your heart, and I don't believe that's something a person should never do. I mean, you never know who's going to come along and steal it. I hope this clears up the intent of my earlier post, and I apologize if I said something that offended or was considered rude, as this was not my desire. |
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I met a man two days ago on here...we e-mailed back and forth...he asked me if I would like to meet for coffee today...at a certain place with a 3 hour window..of time..I said I would love to...just close up the time limit a little for me...never heard from him ...today ...so I sent him a message saying "I gues we aren't meeting for coffee , I don't think that was very nice" ...I freed my afternoon so I could meet him and then he's a Houdini.....now you see him ..now you don't...why do people do this...I can't say men because I know men who have gone through the same thing...what are they thinking..and why talk to someone in the first place or aske the to meet and then disappear..can someone explain this behaviour to me...I must be a friggin nut job... I have met men in person from other sites, and never been stood up. They showed up, although we were not a perfect match. I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up, I would probably not be on this site Long. lol |
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I met a man two days ago on here...we e-mailed back and forth...he asked me if I would like to meet for coffee today...at a certain place with a 3 hour window..of time..I said I would love to...just close up the time limit a little for me...never heard from him ...today ...so I sent him a message saying "I gues we aren't meeting for coffee , I don't think that was very nice" ...I freed my afternoon so I could meet him and then he's a Houdini.....now you see him ..now you don't...why do people do this...I can't say men because I know men who have gone through the same thing...what are they thinking..and why talk to someone in the first place or aske the to meet and then disappear..can someone explain this behaviour to me...I must be a friggin nut job... Look, there are all kinds of folks out in the dating world; Some are idiots, some are drooling morons, some are game players looking to add another notch to their bed post, some are married and just trying to get something their wives or husbands won't or can't give them, there's more than a few who just want somebody that'll pay off their bar bills. Take your time and make sure the fish you put in the cooler is the one you want to take home and cook up for supper. |
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I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up,`... This is practically guaranteed. The gods must love you. ;- ) |
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..., there's more than a few who just want somebody that'll pay off their bar bills. I love paying off some woman`s Bell bill in a Beer bar. |
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people suck melons...
really! 
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people suck melons... really! Hmm. I think I got a different vision than you were intending. |
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people suck melons... really! Hmm. I think I got a different vision than you were intending. i meant that sucked for her...the guy was a creep...all said in "gossip"
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The up-side is that you didn't spend three hours waiting in a coffee shop for no one to show. I hate it when that happens, and it happens too often. As far as meeting someone, a quick look at your profile tells me that you've got a very limited window for men that aren't, well, let's just say "scared" to meet you. Just a suggestion, but you might want to widen your age range and distance a little. If they can't email you, you can't meet them. This is something I've tried but then most men say .."well I wanted someone closer" or I am out of THEIR age search...I have no idea what to do besides call it quits...all of my relationships I have just met the man...in person...this is my first try at online dating...and maybe it's just not for me ..or I'm not for it...a 45 year old man who lives 100 miles away is not going to write to me...I've already tried...so I'm not sure how to open the window...I see what you mean...but it didn't work for me.I guess I'll hang around for a little longer and just read and learn...as many thing that I have been said to me ..not one is clear to me what I'm doing wrong...thanks for your help. |
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Sharia-A-Hug, the user RoamingOrator said up there that your profile is already scary. So you may be doing already what I advised here. In that case try to feel the men out for their reading and comprehension abilities. Do you say they must be funny? Do they reply they are funny? Do they ever SOUND funny? if no, they are playing lip service. Do you say they must look like their pictures? do they say they look like their pictures? You can't verify this until you meet them, UNLESS you get a webcam and IM them with pics to see what they actually look like. You run a big risk this way, that they will show their penises (those, at least, who have more than one), and that's gross. There does seem to be no easy answer to anything. As much as technology helps, it also makes it harder. Do you say they must be well to do, or be well off, or be available for international travel? Do they say they are? do they bail from paying for the coffee? Avoid this disappointment by asking them to email you a scanned page of their bank statement or if they would order an Equifax or other reputable credit reporting agency to send you a transcript of their credit worthiness. Or ask them to fax or emial you a scanned image of pages of their passports, current passports, to see if they have one in the first place, and if yes, the entry and exit stamps show how often and how far they travel. These are the safety tips I would use if I were a woman, and would send to the woman if she were to ask me. Now. The above may sound stupid or ridiculous to you, but it will ensure that the guy won't stand you up. At this point, this is your main concern, so let's do one concern at a time. if I were to tell you the entire contents of the Book of Dating, you would stand there stunned like a Mullah who had just been recited the enitre Old Testament, end-to-end, in one reading. Another thing. Try to get a FB. A FWB. This sounds stupid, too, but it will cut down on your tone of desparation. A FWB does not have to be sleezy, at all, or a sleezy relationship. Not at all. In fact, they are very often the most noble and spiritually, emotionally, and physically satisfying relationships. Why? coz there is not much at stake, so the parties can afford to become honest, open, sincere, with expressing their concerns, emotions and needs, often without the fear of being judged for them. If you want a secret, very secret FWB, get the minister of your parish, or the judge in your small town, somebody like that. Not the pub owner or the local pimp or the editor of the community paper. Somebody very married, happily, with kids, who does not want to jeopardize his existence. He will be your buddy, your f buddy, your mentor, your support, your teacher like I and others here are now. This is not a bad deal, and people are doing it left right and centre, they just don't talk about it, for the reason that they prefer it private. There. Go and forth yourself. Find a man, do it with him, and then start a search to look for a partner you can call your very own. I have been offered FWB more times than I can count..I think I might take someone up on it...it's not what I want...but why do I sound desperate to you...hurried to someone else....what's in my writing that gives that off...could you explain that to me..because I'm not seeing it for some reason....sorry I called you nasty> 
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shareahug...I'm sorry about your experience with the flakey guy...Decades ago (before the Internet) I operated a singles' publication in So CA with personal ads and articles etc...Sometimes I got put in the middle of all of the dysfunction!...Even back then there were "no shows." And some people didn't want to stop "hunting" or "fishing!" (No matter how many people they met!)...This is why I'm not in a hurry to start dating again. I know it can be "crazy!" And disappointing! And frustrating etc...It's like playing a slot machine. Sometimes we pull the handle and get nothing. (Reel after reel.) Or "lemons" come up...But eventually we're going to get a couple of "decent hits." And hopefully a "jackpot" will pop-up at some point if we hang-in long enough and don't run out of patience or "lose faith!"
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sun 11/04/12 02:27 PM
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I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up,`... This is practically guaranteed. The gods must love you. ;- ) Jehovah God does love Me! And He leads me to meet serious men, who really want to meet a lady, in Person. |
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I met a man two days ago on here...we e-mailed back and forth...he asked me if I would like to meet for coffee today...at a certain place with a 3 hour window..of time..I said I would love to...just close up the time limit a little for me...never heard from him ...today ...so I sent him a message saying "I gues we aren't meeting for coffee , I don't think that was very nice" ...I freed my afternoon so I could meet him and then he's a Houdini.....now you see him ..now you don't...why do people do this...I can't say men because I know men who have gone through the same thing...what are they thinking..and why talk to someone in the first place or aske the to meet and then disappear..can someone explain this behaviour to me...I must be a friggin nut job... I have met men in person from other sites, and never been stood up. They showed up, although we were not a perfect match. I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up, I would probably not be on this site Long. lol I have never been stood up...and left waiting..had a couple who never confirmed plans... |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 11/05/12 08:10 AM
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I have met men in person from other sites, and never been stood up.
They showed up, although we were not a perfect match. I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up, I would probably not be on this site Long. lol I have never been stood up...and left waiting..had a couple who never confirmed plans... That is better than being stood up, in my opinion. After a few conversations with some men, I decided not to meet them in person. Good communication is the key for me to meet. |
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Some people assume that because they made plans with someone they met online, it means they don't need to follow through. You'll find many flaky people online. In the future, if they cannot narrow down a time in the beginning, I would just move on.
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Mon 11/05/12 08:13 AM
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I have met men in person from other sites, and never been stood up. They showed up, although we were not a perfect match. I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up, I would probably not be on this site Long. lol I have never been stood up...and left waiting..had a couple who never confirmed plans... That is better than being stood up, in my opinion. After a few conversations with some men, I decided not to meet them in person. Good communication is the key for me to meet. I have been stood up and it's not a good feeling. |
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