Community > General Discussion

Topic: Do you believe in second chances?
Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Sat 02/16/13 02:34 PM
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." this is what would deter me from continuing a relationship.. the fact that the trust would be gone.. however.. (responding to the OP..) a lot would depend on the gravity of the situation.. bottom line.. as stated above, if the trust is gone, there's no chance, at a second chance.. the relationship would simply be over I agree with that in principle... and that's why I often quote him... however, being human myself, I understand that we're all very, very fallable... I make mistake and mistep everyday. Things can change after such hurts.... I truly believe that and long to see it in folks... as long as there true intentions, amends and demonstrations of work to change. We all fail... its what we do after we fail that impresses me most. Old adage: (Q)"Why do we fall down? (A)So that we can learn how to get back up." But peeps rarely want to work that hard.... "there's plenty of fish in the sea", right? Why work hard at repairing a relationship when you can dance on over to the next one....er, that's the attitude that I often see... not the one that I abide with. Infact... the handfull of folks that have worked hard with me to repair broken fences have much more respect than those who don't/haven't... both forgiving me when I've been wrong and those that have worked hard when they've wronged me. Those who don't even try... what's to say? I move on and quit hoping after a time. Disappointed all the while.

MsSly Joined Sat 12/01/12 Posts: 51	Sat 02/16/13 03:38 PM
Seldom

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Sat 02/16/13 05:53 PM
Second chances can be good...Depends on the situation really, falling off a mountain I'm sure a second chance could be quite appealing. Burning yourself up in a relationship? To just do it again? Why the f* not; they say the second story is better than the first once in awhile, right? I know a guy that cheated on his wife. She did forgive him and took him back and he has been working on being a better husband and her, a better wife. Both sides have to be willing to work and talk things out together. Yes, but your one friend accounts for less than .01% of the population...I'm talking about the rest of you. I've learn that really is both sides are innocent but I don't agree one should respond being done wrong with doing wrong. Granted many men cheated on their wives because their wives did not meet the emotional and even physical needs. It does not give men the right to cheet and should talk with their wives. However we often act with our emotions which gets us into trouble. Now there are always jerks out there but I don't believe they make up but only a small percent of people.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Sun 02/17/13 07:26 PM Edited by navygirl on Sun 02/17/13 07:28 PM
Second chances can be good...Depends on the situation really, falling off a mountain I'm sure a second chance could be quite appealing. Burning yourself up in a relationship? To just do it again? Why the f* not; they say the second story is better than the first once in awhile, right? I know a guy that cheated on his wife. She did forgive him and took him back and he has been working on being a better husband and her, a better wife. Both sides have to be willing to work and talk things out together. I know a guy that cheated on his wife too and she took him back. Guess what; he cheated again on her. Once a cheater always a cheater.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Sun 02/17/13 07:31 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. I agree.. also if the relationship ended there was a good reason for it and no sense in trying to fix or change it later... dont wanna waste anymore time.. That is exactly my point. The person wasn't willing to work on the problems to prevent the break up so why give him a second chance when I know this. Seems like a waste of my time.

Cheryline22 Joined Tue 12/04/12 Posts: 98	Sun 02/17/13 08:08 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Sun 02/17/13 10:15 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you Hi Cherryline. Thanks.

Kaleijoscope Joined Fri 10/15/10 Posts: 3319	Mon 02/18/13 12:47 AM
Sure, i do.,second chances are important, but it depends on the situation...once, i needed a second chance to improve on smthng,and was really glad i got it..and sometimes we give it to someone,too..imo, if we limit ourselves to just one mistake, then we miss out on a lot of good things in life...which is not really living..

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Mon 02/18/13 07:50 AM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you It is easy to say what we will do or won’t do until the time comes. I’ve heard people say I will never take said person back if they cheat on me and yet when it does happen, they do take them back. I think when we truly care for someone we are more willing to accept them. I know I do not like the idea of having a girl that cheats on me but I rather sit down and talk out what the problem is instead of cutting ties. I know at some point you may have to go your separate ways but I least want to try first. Maybe I have too much of a caring heart.

pyxxie13 Joined Wed 09/28/11 Posts: 3835	Mon 02/18/13 12:28 PM
I do not believe in second chances. People learn and evolve though.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 02/18/13 04:26 PM Edited by navygirl on Mon 02/18/13 04:27 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you It is easy to say what we will do or won’t do until the time comes. I’ve heard people say I will never take said person back if they cheat on me and yet when it does happen, they do take them back. I think when we truly care for someone we are more willing to accept them. I know I do not like the idea of having a girl that cheats on me but I rather sit down and talk out what the problem is instead of cutting ties. I know at some point you may have to go your separate ways but I least want to try first. Maybe I have too much of a caring heart. Well; the time has come for me and I will not take these guys back. I am 52 years old and I have never, never taken a man back after breaking up with him. Fact is if the relationship was meant to be; it would have never ended in the first place so why make the same mistake again. Fact is I have no wish to change anyone and even if they said they would change; they are lying if not to me; then to themselves.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14437	Mon 02/18/13 04:35 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you It is easy to say what we will do or won’t do until the time comes. I’ve heard people say I will never take said person back if they cheat on me and yet when it does happen, they do take them back. I think when we truly care for someone we are more willing to accept them. I know I do not like the idea of having a girl that cheats on me but I rather sit down and talk out what the problem is instead of cutting ties. I know at some point you may have to go your separate ways but I least want to try first. Maybe I have too much of a caring heart. It does not mean a person does not have a caring heart because they do not take a person back. It maybe because that individual gave them too much heartache in the relationship the first time around. You can forgive a person and have a caring heart, without taking that person back again. People usually, don't change unless God gives them a change of heart to want to change their lifestyle. Imho

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 02/18/13 10:47 PM
Funny this topic should come up at this time as two ex-boyfriends in the last 3 weeks are trying to get back together with me. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to a relationship. Once we are broken up; its done. I don't buy the crap that they have changed either. Hi 5 navygirl,I am with you It is easy to say what we will do or won’t do until the time comes. I’ve heard people say I will never take said person back if they cheat on me and yet when it does happen, they do take them back. I think when we truly care for someone we are more willing to accept them. I know I do not like the idea of having a girl that cheats on me but I rather sit down and talk out what the problem is instead of cutting ties. I know at some point you may have to go your separate ways but I least want to try first. Maybe I have too much of a caring heart. It does not mean a person does not have a caring heart because they do not take a person back. It maybe because that individual gave them too much heartache in the relationship the first time around. You can forgive a person and have a caring heart, without taking that person back again. People usually, don't change unless God gives them a change of heart to want to change their lifestyle. Imho Agreed that people don't change. Me; when I don't give the guy a second chance; I am doing him a favour as I know the relationship won't last so he would end up getting hurt.Why waste his time or my time knowing full well that the relationshio has no chance of working? Seems silly to me to keep making the same mistakes.

Hikerjohn Joined Sun 08/19/12 Posts: 1028	Mon 02/18/13 10:57 PM
What the heck are we talking about. Most of us would be happy with a first chance.

mg1959 Joined Thu 04/05/07 Posts: 7872	Tue 02/19/13 12:34 AM
It's really pretty simple isn't it. If you don't know how to forgive, you are not among the forgiven.

TexasScoundrel Joined Wed 10/29/08 Posts: 3693	Tue 02/19/13 12:41 AM
I'm of the opinion that everyone needs a second chance once in a while. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is tempted. Infidelity seems to be where a lot of people are drawing the line. I don't think that's a good place for it. I've never cheated on a lover, but I can see how, after a long time things could become routine and you might start to wonder if the grass is greener across the fence. You've forgotten why you were with him/her and you miss the excitement of discovering a new lover. You may discover that cheating was a mistake and you were really better off before. In this case, you'd come back with a deeper love and understanding for your old partner. Cheating is wrong, but people make mistakes and need forgiveness once in a while. You make vows. If your partner breaks a vow do you reply by breaking your vows? It doesn't add up to me. My mom and dad were married for 60 years. Back in the 70s my mom believed my dad cheated. My dad denied it. But, my mom never believed him. She didn't leave him, but she was angry for the next 20 years. She put him through hell, but they stayed together. One day she and I spoke about it. I told her that he was never going to admit he'd cheated and her anger wasn't hurting him any more, it was only hurting her. I told her it had been 20 years and it took less time for the world to forgive Germany for WWII. She forgot her anger after that and I think she began to see that even if he had made a mistake, he was still in love with her. He wanted to be with her. She died still in love with him. So, if you wonder why I'm so down on love and relationships, this is it. People don't make that kind of commitment to each other anymore. I want the kind of love my mom and dad had and I know I'll never find it.

mg1959 Joined Thu 04/05/07 Posts: 7872	Tue 02/19/13 03:21 AM
I'm of the opinion that everyone needs a second chance once in a while. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is tempted. Infidelity seems to be where a lot of people are drawing the line. I don't think that's a good place for it. I've never cheated on a lover, but I can see how, after a long time things could become routine and you might start to wonder if the grass is greener across the fence. You've forgotten why you were with him/her and you miss the excitement of discovering a new lover. You may discover that cheating was a mistake and you were really better off before. In this case, you'd come back with a deeper love and understanding for your old partner. Cheating is wrong, but people make mistakes and need forgiveness once in a while. You make vows. If your partner breaks a vow do you reply by breaking your vows? It doesn't add up to me. My mom and dad were married for 60 years. Back in the 70s my mom believed my dad cheated. My dad denied it. But, my mom never believed him. She didn't leave him, but she was angry for the next 20 years. She put him through hell, but they stayed together. One day she and I spoke about it. I told her that he was never going to admit he'd cheated and her anger wasn't hurting him any more, it was only hurting her. I told her it had been 20 years and it took less time for the world to forgive Germany for WWII. She forgot her anger after that and I think she began to see that even if he had made a mistake, he was still in love with her. He wanted to be with her. She died still in love with him. So, if you wonder why I'm so down on love and relationships, this is it. People don't make that kind of commitment to each other anymore. I want the kind of love my mom and dad had and I know I'll never find it. I've been reading your post more and more. At first on many of them it looks like there is a negative or maybe that "down" thing you talk about, but I have to say there is a lot of profound thought that has gone into your words and comments. The kind of comments that give a much bigger picture to the way and why's you think. Do you think women pick up on the "I want that kind of love" when they read your comments? Do women, when talking to you, pick up on your duality? I hope you see this as a positive observation cause it is.

TexasScoundrel Joined Wed 10/29/08 Posts: 3693	Tue 02/19/13 05:06 AM
I'm of the opinion that everyone needs a second chance once in a while. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is tempted. Infidelity seems to be where a lot of people are drawing the line. I don't think that's a good place for it. I've never cheated on a lover, but I can see how, after a long time things could become routine and you might start to wonder if the grass is greener across the fence. You've forgotten why you were with him/her and you miss the excitement of discovering a new lover. You may discover that cheating was a mistake and you were really better off before. In this case, you'd come back with a deeper love and understanding for your old partner. Cheating is wrong, but people make mistakes and need forgiveness once in a while. You make vows. If your partner breaks a vow do you reply by breaking your vows? It doesn't add up to me. My mom and dad were married for 60 years. Back in the 70s my mom believed my dad cheated. My dad denied it. But, my mom never believed him. She didn't leave him, but she was angry for the next 20 years. She put him through hell, but they stayed together. One day she and I spoke about it. I told her that he was never going to admit he'd cheated and her anger wasn't hurting him any more, it was only hurting her. I told her it had been 20 years and it took less time for the world to forgive Germany for WWII. She forgot her anger after that and I think she began to see that even if he had made a mistake, he was still in love with her. He wanted to be with her. She died still in love with him. So, if you wonder why I'm so down on love and relationships, this is it. People don't make that kind of commitment to each other anymore. I want the kind of love my mom and dad had and I know I'll never find it. I've been reading your post more and more. At first on many of them it looks like there is a negative or maybe that "down" thing you talk about, but I have to say there is a lot of profound thought that has gone into your words and comments. The kind of comments that give a much bigger picture to the way and why's you think. Do you think women pick up on the "I want that kind of love" when they read your comments? Do women, when talking to you, pick up on your duality? I hope you see this as a positive observation cause it is. I try to be a realist. Women today aspire to be Kim Kardashian. They aren't interested in the kind of unconditional love I talked about above. I have no idea if women see that side of me or if they'd care or be interested. But, I think it's highly unlikely. I've heard women today talking about "starter husbands." Does that sound like they take love and commitment seriously? Or are they just in it for what they can grab? Find a guy, make him love you, have a kid or two and leave him with the highest alimony and child support payments your lawyer can get you while you're still young enough to party like a Kardashian. No thank you very much! I'll just stick to the sex and party like Charlie Sheen and we'll all take care of ourselves.

sck66 Joined Sat 02/09/13 Posts: 8	Tue 02/19/13 05:46 AM
Amen to that. Second chances are necessary because we all are human and therefore make mistakes sometimes. But one can only expect one second chance on the same mistake, thirds and forths...nada.

sck66 Joined Sat 02/09/13 Posts: 8	Tue 02/19/13 05:50 AM
That is so true. We cannot control what other do or say. And it is up to us to make ourselves happy. Get mad or whatever and get over it. Life is too short to be wasting time like that.