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| Topic: Are affairs good for a marriage | |
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I'm single and I wouldn't do it, it's just wrong on many levels |
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Sadly it ends up that is not the wifes issue something is missing. Many times there is nothing missing but one imagines what they might be missing. In the end, sadly its after the affair that they realize what they just gave up for something that was better as imagined than what ended up as real. |
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You're wife deserves a better man. This will end up as another cry wolf case. You get what you dish out.
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Yes. You do it and it helps you get through whatever is you need to and its your skeleton (which is a big skeleton to keep) then yes. Im not sayin it makes it right. But to each there own... Ya know??
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This question does beg the question as to why you would get married at all...I mean, if you're just going to f* it all up later on for a one night stand with a cheap date, why the f* did you invest the money in the first one?
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Unless you are referring to an 'open marriage,' where both partners agree to having extra-marital relationships....???
I personally wouldn't even be in an open relationship, let alone an open marriage. ...People that look for trouble usually find them, so be careful eh  |
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But it's the modern era, and everyone is living longer. So he should be entitled. Not. If you ended up having feelings for someone else while married, then I feel sorry for you, and if it was encouraged by "friends", then I doubt they were ever true "friends". Real friends don't stand by and laugh about it, as your marriage falls apart. Ever noticed how a lot of people's friends have been trying to destroy another friends relationship right from the start? I notice it happens a lot. Don't understand what they get out of seeing a friend all heartbroken. If you cheat, it will stay with you forever. Just saying. It's on you what you do, but I don't believe in getting away with stuff "just because I can". I won't sugarcoat, just because it's what you might want to hear.
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Can an affair ever be positive and help a marriage? if you're wife confessed to banging her boss or one of your neighbors, would you consider that helpful to your marriage? |
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Can an affair ever be positive and help a marriage? Well, if someone wants to have an afair there is probably already a problem in the marriage. An affair is like a crisis point in a marriage. Someone has an afair and their partner finds out about it and gets jealous and angry. They argue. All couples have arguments and arguments can sometimes be resolved and have a positive outccome. When people have afairs or when one person plays two other people off against each other people are almost always going to get hurt though and that's not good. |
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Can an affair ever be positive and help a marriage? Well, if someone wants to have an afair there is probably already a problem in the marriage. An affair is like a crisis point in a marriage. Someone has an afair and their partner finds out about it and gets jealous and angry. They argue. All couples have arguments and arguments can sometimes be resolved and have a positive outccome. When people have afairs or when one person plays two other people off against each other people are almost always going to get hurt though and that's not good. So much cheaper in the long run to seek marriage counseling than to have an affair in the vindication of saving your marriage.....best laugh I've had all day |
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And there I was, thinking that marriage stood for commitment. How silly of me.
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Edited by
FearandLoathing
on
Sat 02/16/13 12:22 AM
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And there I was, thinking that marriage stood for commitment. How silly of me. Oh, sorry...This is how we do it here in the States. Our morals and laws are built around an invisible guy in the sky, we're hurting for idols here. My God...He is from England, apologies, I was not aware at how quickly you little ones caught up. |
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I think we're being a bit harsh on him, no? ;)
And there I was, thinking that marriage stood for commitment. How silly of me. Oh, sorry...This is how we do it here in the States. Our morals and laws are built around an invisible guy in the sky, we're hurting for idols here. My God...He is from England, apologies, I was not aware at how quickly you little ones caught up.  . Next, they'll be telling me water is something you wash yourself with, or that food is for eating. I just wish people would stop all the lying.
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I was aiming for irony...I just hadn't realized that our traits were infecting your island.
I apologize for butchering your language, it really isn't my fault though, "They" taught me to do it. But no, seriously...Marriage is a contract, I believe people should honor what they sign into or just don't bother to effin' sign into it. Too much "Here and now" not enough "What about later?" |
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No, a marriage is between two people, not three or four. supported |
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Okay, firstly I'm not from England. It says quite clearly on my profile that I'm in Scotland.
Secondly, I did not say that I thought that afairs are cool. What I said was that I think that it's possible that a couple having problems in their relationship can find some sort of resolution after one of them has an afair. Here's an example: Their sex life has broken down. The woman feels undesirable and she is unhappy. She has an afair. The husband finds out about it and becomes jealous. She says to him, "Why do you care? You don't want to have sex with me anyway. This afair is making me happy and if you loved me you would want me to be happy" Now, let's suppose that the couple are not actually married because that's arguably just a piece of paper. The couple were no longer having sex. A man and woman that are no longer having sex are not in a sexual relationship and that makes them only friends. They decided to stay friends, even though they felt that their relationship was over. Anyway, the woman going with someone else forces the issue. It causes arguments and then the friendship starts to break down. The guy may even have tried accepting the afair because he does love the woman or thinks of her as his best friend and he does want her to be happy. He wants to be happy as well though and it's tearing him apart that she's now with another man. He says to her that he doesn't think that they can be friends anymore because continuing to see her and being around her while he's feeling jealous is making him unhappy. Sometimes it is only when you lose somebody that you realise how much you really love them. I got involved in a situation like this. They were not married. She told me that the guy was her ex but he was also her best friend. She finished it with me telling me that she couldn't bear to lose the other guy. She said that she had been thinking about getting back with him and giving it another go. I haven't heard from her since. I don't know if she did what she did to make the other guy jealous and she did actually lie to me about how long it had been since her last relationship. The woman was confused and all over the place. I don't think she knew what she wanted but she made her mind up in the end. Would they have been better off getting relationship counceling instead of her seeing me? Possibly but they didn't and their "relationship" was supposedly over. Their relationship had been on and off for five years and they were "on a break." I got involved with someone that was still involved with somebody else and this is not the first time that I've been involved with a woman that's come out with this "we're just friends" jazz. When my ex did that we had been on and off for years and she refused to commit to me, saying that we were just "friends". I went along with the casual relationship but during one of our breaks she met somebody else. She told me that he was just a friend too. I told her that I didn't think that we should keep seeing each other because I couldn't handle it that she was involved with someone else. I forced her to choose. She chose him. |
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Can an affair ever be positive and help a marriage? The love must have left your marriage, and you no longer have any feelings at all for your partner if you embark on this path. |
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Okay, firstly I'm not from England. It says quite clearly on my profile that I'm in Scotland. Secondly, I did not say that I thought that afairs are cool. What I said was that I think that it's possible that a couple having problems in their relationship can find some sort of resolution after one of them has an afair. Here's an example: Their sex life has broken down. The woman feels undesirable and she is unhappy. She has an afair. The husband finds out about it and becomes jealous. She says to him, "Why do you care? You don't want to have sex with me anyway. This afair is making me happy and if you loved me you would want me to be happy" Now, let's suppose that the couple are not actually married because that's arguably just a piece of paper. The couple were no longer having sex. A man and woman that are no longer having sex are not in a sexual relationship and that makes them only friends. They decided to stay friends, even though they felt that their relationship was over. Anyway, the woman going with someone else forces the issue. It causes arguments and then the friendship starts to break down. The guy may even have tried accepting the afair because he does love the woman or thinks of her as his best friend and he does want her to be happy. He wants to be happy as well though and it's tearing him apart that she's now with another man. He says to her that he doesn't think that they can be friends anymore because continuing to see her and being around her while he's feeling jealous is making him unhappy. Sometimes it is only when you lose somebody that you realise how much you really love them. I got involved in a situation like this. They were not married. She told me that the guy was her ex but he was also her best friend. She finished it with me telling me that she couldn't bear to lose the other guy. She said that she had been thinking about getting back with him and giving it another go. I haven't heard from her since. I don't know if she did what she did to make the other guy jealous and she did actually lie to me about how long it had been since her last relationship. The woman was confused and all over the place. I don't think she knew what she wanted but she made her mind up in the end. Would they have been better off getting relationship counceling instead of her seeing me? Possibly but they didn't and their "relationship" was supposedly over. Their relationship had been on and off for five years and they were "on a break." I got involved with someone that was still involved with somebody else and this is not the first time that I've been involved with a woman that's come out with this "we're just friends" jazz. When my ex did that we had been on and off for years and she refused to commit to me, saying that we were just "friends". I went along with the casual relationship but during one of our breaks she met somebody else. She told me that he was just a friend too. I told her that I didn't think that we should keep seeing each other because I couldn't handle it that she was involved with someone else. I forced her to choose. She chose him. The OP is from England. And honestly, I don't care what defense you come up with for an affair...Don't sign the damn contract if you cannot honor said contract, simple as that. |
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It's the signing of a contract bit, which I can't get my head around. If you know you're the type to mess someone around, then what are you doing it for? Social status? Ego? Who knows.
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Can an affair ever be positive and help a marriage? Hell no..can only help the couples to break-up... |
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