How would you describe your views about love and relationships?...Are you cynical? Paranoid? Burnt-out? Bitter?...Or do you feel hopeful? And open to the possibility of falling in love?...Are you "half and half?" (Positive one day and negative the next day?) What are some of your fears?

I've always had fears about being controlled. (Or suffocated.)...And fears about being asked to play a role in someone else's "movie."...I'm a rebel and non-conformist. And I want to continue to "be me" and true to myself. (Versus trying to fit someone else's image and expectations of "who" I should supposedly "be.")...Thank goodness I met and married another rebel and non-comformist the last time "around" and we let each other "be." (And did great together!)...But I am "gun-shy" when it comes to getting involved with most men because I'm afraid they will expect to play an "assigned role." And this just isn't "me!"

I am in between 50/50. Sometimes hopeful, sometimes bitter. I have many what ifs. I dont want to be controlled as well as i dont want to be manipulative. I want to be even in some ways though given that sometimes i will never equate myself. In my moody character i want an exact opposite of me. I do not know why but i think its me. I dont want to live with a same attitude as mine i'll might be pissed. Haha. Can you imagine my life?

I am in between 50/50. Sometimes hopeful, sometimes bitter. I have many what ifs. I dont want to be controlled as well as i dont want to be manipulative. I want to be even in some ways though given that sometimes i will never equate myself. In my moody character i want an exact opposite of me. I do not know why but i think its me. I dont want to live with a same attitude as mine i'll might be pissed. Haha. Can you imagine my life?

Well, the other day a woman that was actually within dating distance nudged me on here and after exchanging a couple of messages we had agreed to meet up at some unspecified time. I wasn't counting on it actually happening though and whenever I do this I have to explain to them that I have a disability because I don't want to waste their time or theirs. It's not just that though because if I get stood up I could have a problem getting home again, so I've got to worry about that and maybe explain that to them as well. But if I do that I'm making myself sound a bit pathetic and lacking confidence. It's a bit tricky and I've downplayed it in the past because I'm not actually completely helpless and if it came to it I could get home somehow, even if it did mean asking total strangers for help, which I don't really like doing.

Even still though, I still have to explain to them that I have a disability because I'm not just going to hit them with that on the day of the date when we meet and I am obviously looking for someone that's going to accept me for who I am.

I contacted another woman on here recently as well and from reading her profile and talking to her it is pretty clear that she is very picky and she almost certainly isn't looking for somebody like me. She mentioned something about how she's talked to men on here but hasn't actually dated them because they had "problems". If she replies to me again I guess I'll just treat her as somebody on the internet that I'm chatting with and I don't plan to ask her out and therefore my problems are really none of her business really. Why am I telling you lot about them then you might ask? Not really sure but I've mentioned them before here and I guess that this forum is an appropriate place for "sharing" and I sort of consider some of the other posters here to be friends.

I have other concerns about the whole dating thing as well but I guess this is the main thing that makes me "cynical" about it because even when they tell me that they don't have a problem with my having a disability, when it actually comes down to it it is always going to be a problem that effects my life and my relationships.

I haven't heard again from that woman that said that she wanted to meet me. I don't know why but in my last message to her I told her quite a bit about my problems and things that I have done to try to overcome them. So yeah, still searching for that "special someone" but in a rather halfhearted way and not really all that optomistic about it.

Mmmmmm,
Am quite hopeful most times....i know there's some one out there that i can actually grow with. Other times,am cynical,discouraged,dragging my self on..... What if,what if...am of being abused(i've seen it happen to so many women here),beind controlled.... True,like Win,am hopping for my opposite-we dont want to have a moodsy couple!
But,am very open to the idea,the possibility of falling and be fallen for-love,what a cure all,treat all!!

I make a point of not letting it become too important to me actually.

I do realize this attitude is counterproductive, and it’s not entirely lost on me that the very fact that I make a point of minimizing the importance means that it’s more important than I want to admit. The fact that I acknowledge it probably means that I am more hopeful than I'd admit.

No, it’s not lost on me that I just did admitted it.

I would like to have those feelings again with a mutual partner.

Fears?

Great post! Your honesty is refreshing...My son passed away last year from brain tumors. We talked about what his life (and future) might be like when he seemed to be recovering. (He had just turned 40.)..It was obvious that he would definitely need a walker or maybe even a scooter or wheelchair to get around at times. The tumors had caused nerve damage on his right side...My son was happy to be alive despite his handicaps. He "made-it" through several risky surgeries and chemo etc...He asked me if any woman would want to date him now that he was "disabled."...And you know I honestly believed that the "right woman" would come into his life one day...My son had a "big heart" and a "great mind" and a lot to "offer" despite his physical disabilities. I told him that shallow and superficial women may "pass him by" but he had never been interested in women like this anyway. (And he laughed and agreed!)

So you feel hopeful? It's okay to feel hopeful. Isn't it?...Are you superstitious? Do you think admitting that you feel hopeful could "jinx" your luck and chances? Just curious...

I feel hopeful and open to the possibility of falling in love! I'm open to actively dating now!

No, I’m not superstitious GreenEyes.

A bit complex? Maybe.
A tad twisted? Probably.
A little cheeky? Definately!

I remain hopeful. For some reason though, at the same time, I keep wondering about a certain person I've known for years. Though, I'm guessing that's the norm even when we move on. Because they were part of my life for so long, it got me so used to being in his company. Idk, just that his aura seemed to have me gripped. I'd rather have some sort of silver-lining thinking, than think too much about the future?

Sorry to hear about your son.

Yeah, it's tough when you have a disability and you feel that nobody is going to want you. It also makes it hard to actually get out and meet people, so that when friends or family tell you that you are a great person and that there's somebody out there for everybody it isn't really much comfort. I don't expect to meet anybody in the real world because of the way things are and I am not very hopeful that it's going to happen on the internet either. I'm really only on this dating site and there are hardly any local women on here. I try not to be bitter about the rejection and I just try to get on with my life. It's nice to have little fantasies and to ocasionally get messages from people on here, even though it's just virtual reality and it's unlikely that anything's going to come from it. I don't think that it's that I have a negative atitude. At the end of the day I can only be myself and if that isn't good enough for these women then good luck to them.

I believe our journey through this life is meant to be shared with love. Even if we don't get it right the first time, or the second, third, or maybe even a fourth time... However many times it takes to find that one heart connect that we know is meant for us... is how many times it takes... and when we have that one connection... we hold on for as long as we can... so.. as a romantic dreamer... I always remain positive that love will be mine again, and my love will be his... and whoever that will be, only time and circumstance will tell...

Hopeful or optimistic, I am open to possibilities and the new experiences in between. I am going forward no matter what, so if I happen to find a lady that wants to join me, that I am also willing to give my all to, cool. If not, I remain and have a hell of a time, while taking some chances and living.

Cynical about true love. I don't even care anymore. It is. better to have something real then dream about a fantasy. I use to dream about long walks on the beach but now I just dream of a woman jogging in a bikini.

I'm definitely cynical.

I wouldn't call it cynical, because if someone expressed real interest I would be open-minded, but I'm realistic. At my age there are very few available men. The few who do contact me are usually in their 50's, and in my experience that hasn't worked out well even with the best intentions. But I'm in the "never give up completely" camp.