My husband & I have been married for 11yrs. We never got along & I could never say for sure I loved him. He was most of the time Moody, distant, & a jerk. I found out he cheated on me in Oct. Of 2012. He was ready to leave the marriage. He also admitted to sleeping w a Hooters girl a year before that. I realized when I was about to lose him that I did love him & want the marriage to work. We have worked things out now, but I don't think I can trust him. He still wants to hang at Hooters from time to time without me & talks to this 1 girl on the phone he calls a friend. She calls him a friend too & he lets me c their texts. I just don't understand why he needs to give another woman attention. In the past 2 days I have fallen into a sea of insecurity and distrust. We r laughing & having fun & he is being sweet. But I want to tell him not to ever go to Hooters without me or talk to this or any other girl. I just can't make up my mind whether to live w thz imperfections & insecurities & b happy w the happiness & love we seem to have found now or just tell him that unless he changes thz things I can't go on.

Disconnect the dots.

Try again.

You had an eleven year failure...that sucks. But you can't look back on a past you can't change.

Look at as a chance to find some real happiness that you couldn't find before.

Sorry that things didn't work......now....go find something good.

I agree with Krupa somewhat.

I don't think that it necessarily means you can't reconnect with your husband though if you love him and that's what you really want.

I think either way, you're going to have to let go of something...your mistrust if you stay, because he will need you to believe in him in order to love you the way you want to be loved...or your husband if he breaks your trust again, or you can't let go of the past and your insecurities, because I don't believe a relationship can be happy without trust.

You have given this guy 11 years of your life, he is still keeping someone else on the backburner.
Relationships do survive on a zig zag curve, but life does not, you are unhappy and will continue to be unhappy until you either lose the chap or reconcile tobput up with his behavior.
Would you do this to someone else? Why do you deserve less than what you would offer someone?

I think you can reconnect if you really want to. Trust is one of the main building blocks of a healthy relationship. If you feel you cannot trust him than it is not going to work. If you have to smother him and check on his every move, either he will get tired of it or you will go insane with insecurity.

You need to take a hard look at your relationship and ask yourself if you can be happy with this person. If the answer is no, then you need to move on.

Nobody should ever have to settle.

The only reasons you want this lousy guy back is YOU
1)Invested a lot of time in him even though he obviously does not invest in you like wise cheating with multiple others
2) Don't want to admit that you lost out to some Bimbo even though you have and continue to do so
3) Are easy to fool with a little "jolly time" .
4) For some unknown reason like the drama and punishment of being shown he still continues to put you second to his sexting friend.

Sure this guy is a creep, and you know it, but until you decide you have not the power or the need to try and fix this toad of a guy you are going to continue to be his sloppy second who is probably supporting most of the chores and probably the bills where you live together.

You don't deperately need advice you need to hit bottom where you find yourself addicted, pregnant, or sick with a major STD, or abandoned completely, maybe even beat down physically since he has already done it psychologically and socially since that is obvious what you are waiting around for.

Just for the heck of it look up the local Battered Womens Shelter and Hospice for Aids patients so at least you know where to go when the enevitable happens. Maybe go visit both as a volunteer. It is remotely possible seeing that you are not the only woman to delude yourself to think you can make a frog a prince will make it somehow easier to admit and move forward with your life before it gets worse is possible.

Hope springs eternal but hey try hopeing for something possible like yourself ratherr than this BOZO.

If this sounds hard core and like blameing the victim then STOP being a VICTIM and be a Survivor!!!!! Instead of wasteing your time torureing yourself reading what ole Hooter's Humper is texting try texting a mental health or county health center for aids testing, Habitat for Humanity and get on their list to earn yourself a place, go to school, a job center if you are online you have some skills, find an affordable place, and join a support group. Find a law clinic that will show you how to file your own divorce and ditch this miserble mess you have slide downhill into over the last decade. I can pretty much promise you that he won't notice your are even gone.

stupid question, but if you did not get along with this *** why did you marry him in the first place ?

Well, at least you got past stage one, I suppose, by admitting to yourself that he really seems like he doesn't care. You can always deny it, and act like it never happened, but then it would still be in the back of your mind, no matter HOW MUCH you try to ignore it. Did you come here to find a new guy, for revenge? If you can't/don't show him that you can let him go, I think he will abuse your feelings. If he thinks he can use you as constant back-up, then he pretty much will feel he can get away with it. Every time.

Not a stupid question at all. People would want to know :)

And now here you are, on a dating site apparently looking for a man for "friendship". Is this tit for tat?

You don't attract the love you want,
You attract the love you think you deserve.

Sorry, but I'm not buying...Always two sides to every story...There may be some truth to your version, but I'm betting both of you were/are jerks....How come it took over a decade, infidelity x 2, and the threat of divorce to make you "realize" you love him?...That is BS in itself...Look, you were not happy prior to him cheating and you're not happy now...Cut your losses and start working on figuring out what YOU are doing wrong and how to make positive changes....Married men do not hang out at Hooters and married women do not join internet "social" sites in an attempt to seek advice from strangers on how to solve their marital problems....

Just divorce him, move on with life.

What the author of the OP says in her profile tells me that she doesn't want to remain with her husband.

I agree with Leigh. Plus...did you marry this guy cause he got you pregnant? I mean...it had to be something like that to make you marry a man that, for ELEVEN YEARS....you had no idea if you loved him. Oh....and by the way....the only reason he is being nice now is due to the fact that things almost ended with you. Believe it or not, he is more than likely humping around on you (if he isn't then he is probably thinking of doing so) and he is being nice now cause he doesn't want you to suspect it. He wants his cake and eat it too, which means that he wants you to be his wife while he does what he wants to do. ELEVEN YEARS???? REALLY? My advice.....you should have been done with this dude ten years ago.

is this a real question, or is it an advertisement for you to get laid?
11 years of unhappiness, and after he cheats, then you decide you want him? seems like your the only one that doesn't know the answer...

Something really doesn't add up. If you love your husband that much, then why are you on a dating site?

Is the girlfriend frigid?
Or, is she fun to hang with?

Married and seeking someone with a sexy smile and has sound moral character.

You have an open relationship.

You want a hunk and he has a Barbie.


PS
I am open to be used for revenge sex.

The question of the day

So.....you both can't get along whatsoever, yet you marry him. How wise.




Haemorrhoid cream works wonders.

Seriously though, no sane person would marry a jerk. *waits for someone to prove me wrong*




If he doesn't change (people never do), then you're prepared to walk out on a guy that never loved you? Something that should have been done years ago. My guess is you're probably just addicted to his behaviour. Why are you still with him?