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| Topic: Nice guys. | |
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Yes. You should go self satisfy yourself.  I showered my laptop in Chamomile tea.
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Edited by
Dodo_David
on
Thu 08/08/13 08:37 PM
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Yes. You should go self satisfy yourself. I showered my laptop in Chamomile tea.
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Why do nice guys lose when it comes to having women? Cause you guys aren't willing to do what it takes to get her BUT you do stand a better chance at keeping her! So cheer up!  totally agree. |
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I don't think that wanting to "fix" someone has to be a control issue. To me, it's being a nice guy to want to give help and support to a woman that has problems. I've seen this from both sides because I've been with a woman that claimed to want to help me with my problems but she didn't really do it in the right way and it just ended up with me getting constant criticism, put-downs and abuse. The problem I've found is that at some point in a relationship (after the "honeymoon period" is over perhaps) you are going to have to stop just being "nice" and discuss problems that you see with the relationship. If a person is damaged goods, or has "issues", they will most likely take any personal criticism negatively and try to turn it around and say that you have become controlling. Women on the rebound are generally looking for a "nice guy" in comparison to ex partners that they had some sort of conflict with and they will give you stuff about, "I've had to put up with a lot of grief from my ex and I'm not taking it from you". that actually sounds like a very good example of 'fix=control'. agreed. looks like it's all her fault here, and that's a blame/control issue....and there is nothing wrong with saying I'm not putting up with any grief. a man shouldn't be handing out any grief. the control comes in when he thinks he can fix everything...all she has to do is cooperate. That's really controlling. men do naturally want to fix things. in a relationship with a mature woman ya gotta let that go. any time you think you have the "answers" for her if she'd "only listen" you are most likely being too controlling just sayin' in way of explanation... |
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I usually refrain from telling them if I'm feeling ill, because if you're not feeling well, all that will happen is he will see it as an excuse to suddenly play dr. He will have another excuse to perv over me.
 . And that 'White Knight Syndrome' really gets on my nerves. They are not as charming as they think, and come across as very creepy. Any man can be caring.
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I think the part of nice guys (and girls) who claim to finish last are the more naive type ones. If you blindly believe anything that's being said to you regardless of actions, warning signs or hints, you are bound to get into negative situations. There's always someone willing to use others and easy prey is easy prey.
I'm not saying most fall into that category, my point is more about not lumping all 'nice guys' into one. And maybe she's not ditching you because you're a nice guy, maybe your feet stink or she is creeped out by your 10 cats that you can't live without and can't understand how someone else don't love them the way you do? Or your mother drives them away because no one is worthy of her precious offspring? The list is endless... Blaming the niceness is like me saying all my past relationships ended because I'm fat. Like that one feature somehow is the root of all evil and otherwise I'm just so darn perfect  |
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I don't think that wanting to "fix" someone has to be a control issue. To me, it's being a nice guy to want to give help and support to a woman that has problems. I've seen this from both sides because I've been with a woman that claimed to want to help me with my problems but she didn't really do it in the right way and it just ended up with me getting constant criticism, put-downs and abuse. The problem I've found is that at some point in a relationship (after the "honeymoon period" is over perhaps) you are going to have to stop just being "nice" and discuss problems that you see with the relationship. If a person is damaged goods, or has "issues", they will most likely take any personal criticism negatively and try to turn it around and say that you have become controlling. Women on the rebound are generally looking for a "nice guy" in comparison to ex partners that they had some sort of conflict with and they will give you stuff about, "I've had to put up with a lot of grief from my ex and I'm not taking it from you". that actually sounds like a very good example of 'fix=control'. agreed. looks like it's all her fault here, and that's a blame/control issue....and there is nothing wrong with saying I'm not putting up with any grief. a man shouldn't be handing out any grief. the control comes in when he thinks he can fix everything...all she has to do is cooperate. That's really controlling. men do naturally want to fix things. in a relationship with a mature woman ya gotta let that go. any time you think you have the "answers" for her if she'd "only listen" you are most likely being too controlling just sayin' in way of explanation... Wow, you are assuming quite a lot about me here based on a tiny little post where I talked about "damaged goods" women taking out their problems on me. I think that I probably owe you a specific example to illistrate what I'm talking about. I was dating a woman that told me that she had problems and had been in abusive controlling relllationships. She kept bombarding me with emails and causing unnecessary problems by starting **** over the internet instead of saying it to my face. I was really patient with her but I told her that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat. Then I get the, "I'm getting grief from my ex and won't take it from you" jazz, when she was the one that was giving me "grief" and I was just trying to sort things out and get her to stop trolling me and just pick up the phone. |
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I think the part of nice guys (and girls) who claim to finish last are the more naive type ones. If you blindly believe anything that's being said to you regardless of actions, warning signs or hints, you are bound to get into negative situations. There's always someone willing to use others and easy prey is easy prey. I'm not saying most fall into that category, my point is more about not lumping all 'nice guys' into one. And maybe she's not ditching you because you're a nice guy, maybe your feet stink or she is creeped out by your 10 cats that you can't live without and can't understand how someone else don't love them the way you do? Or your mother drives them away because no one is worthy of her precious offspring? The list is endless... Blaming the niceness is like me saying all my past relationships ended because I'm fat. Like that one feature somehow is the root of all evil and otherwise I'm just so darn perfect true. good point. I agree....there are several factors that contribute to things not working out. I actually think there is a special majic of some kind that 2 people ALLOW to happen in the matches that do work I 've met lotsa nice guys and some just were not the right one for me. It's not because they were nice. there were other reasons. |
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I don't think that wanting to "fix" someone has to be a control issue. To me, it's being a nice guy to want to give help and support to a woman that has problems. I've seen this from both sides because I've been with a woman that claimed to want to help me with my problems but she didn't really do it in the right way and it just ended up with me getting constant criticism, put-downs and abuse. The problem I've found is that at some point in a relationship (after the "honeymoon period" is over perhaps) you are going to have to stop just being "nice" and discuss problems that you see with the relationship. If a person is damaged goods, or has "issues", they will most likely take any personal criticism negatively and try to turn it around and say that you have become controlling. Women on the rebound are generally looking for a "nice guy" in comparison to ex partners that they had some sort of conflict with and they will give you stuff about, "I've had to put up with a lot of grief from my ex and I'm not taking it from you". that actually sounds like a very good example of 'fix=control'. agreed. looks like it's all her fault here, and that's a blame/control issue....and there is nothing wrong with saying I'm not putting up with any grief. a man shouldn't be handing out any grief. the control comes in when he thinks he can fix everything...all she has to do is cooperate. That's really controlling. men do naturally want to fix things. in a relationship with a mature woman ya gotta let that go. any time you think you have the "answers" for her if she'd "only listen" you are most likely being too controlling just sayin' in way of explanation... Wow, you are assuming quite a lot about me here based on a tiny little post where I talked about "damaged goods" women taking out their problems on me. I think that I probably owe you a specific example to illistrate what I'm talking about. I was dating a woman that told me that she had problems and had been in abusive controlling relllationships. She kept bombarding me with emails and causing unnecessary problems by starting **** over the internet instead of saying it to my face. I was really patient with her but I told her that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat. Then I get the, "I'm getting grief from my ex and won't take it from you" jazz, when she was the one that was giving me "grief" and I was just trying to sort things out and get her to stop trolling me and just pick up the phone. no actually nothing in my post had anything to do with you. I was just agreeing with KLC. But I do think what I am saying is valid about control issues in general as controlling behavior from a man is why I have ended virtually all relatiosnhips so far that I have had. and of course women can also be controlling, but since I don't date women I was referring to men |
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hiiii good evening
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hiiii good evening
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I'm just not gonna say anything more on this topic, because I've seen so many other threads about it. And it's as if some think that saying how nice they are, is all they'll need, but I'm afraid none of us are that naive. I'm gonna dissapear out of this thread quickly, before another "nice guy" appears. *Cough*
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Edited by
Mirage4279
on
Sun 08/11/13 07:00 PM
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Shy does have a good point about the nice guy topics. We do discuss that alot here. Often get trampled on ... its that simple...
I think shy needs someone to role play as though she was the submissive cell mate in maximum security and get slapped around a little. |
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Why do nice guys lose when it comes to having women? |
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Good guys are always so hard to find
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Why do nice guys lose when it comes to having women? Thats not always true.. its actually kind of a stereo type that has truth to it... we have totally pounded the nice guy topic in here.. what it boils down to is it kind of pays to be a jerk I guess... |
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its a boundary issue that may accompany nice people,there down on their knees and eager to please, walking in with collapsed boundaries and many of these men are more likely to only be this way with woman and may have firm, healthy boundaries with men as they deal with men on a daily basis, sometimes dealing with men alot and been tough! one may be a little to giving in the presence of a woman,because thats how we feel(EAGER FOR BEAVER) happy not to be around a bunch of TES,but unfortunetly respect is never gained in this situation, make no mistake their evil evil people
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A lady is running toward a bus she has to catch or she will be late for work. A guy is just getting off the bus as the bus gets ready to leave. As the bus starts to move, the guy knocks on the door shouting "HEY" and points towards the lady running behind the bus. The doors open and the lady gets on. The 2 never meet again, but that's ok, because he didn't stop the bus as a ploy, it was just the right thing to do. That's not finishing last.
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There is being nice as you call it, and there is being overly nice that will drive a women nuts. personally i don't think there is such a thing called a nice guy. It just men that try to hard ln something that just started. or don;t understand why she doesn't appreciate "nice" disguised as control... Agree 
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I like to think im "nice" lol, at the end of the day im just me,I can only be myself and that's what we all need to do,you cant pretend to be someone ur not I've learnt that.if u find someone who falls for your personality then they are the ones worth keeping ;)
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