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Topic: why don't people reply to messages?
GreekAdonis's photo
Fri 11/29/13 01:52 PM
How many messages have you sent on here after reading a profile and liking what you read then send a message only to hear nothing back?
Wouldn't a polite reply saying thanks but no thanks be reasonable?

I have read a lot of women in the forums say they prefer a message to a simple nudge or like or just a "Hi" message.
So why do I get nothing back?

no photo
Fri 11/29/13 01:55 PM
If you're just telling them you liked what you read, that's probably why you're not getting responses. Give them something to respond to.

GreekAdonis's photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:00 PM
I do just that. I ask questions about what their interests are or comment on something they have said and nothing?
I even invite them to have a read of my profile and if they like what they see to message back and I get no messages saying so and so have viewed you?

no photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:15 PM
I'll tell you the same thing I always say on posts like this, "No reply is a reply." It means they're not interested. It doesn't matter why.

I used to be friends with a guy on here years ago, at least I thought we were friends, so when I came back I emailed him. He read my mail and never replied. I figured "**** him" and I moved on. That's all you can do, trying to figure out why people don't want to talk to you is a waste of time. And the time you're wasting on people who don't give a **** about you could be spent on someone who does.

I hope you find someone worthy, since it seems to be very important to you.flowerforyou

GreekAdonis's photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:25 PM

I'll tell you the same thing I always say on posts like this, "No reply is a reply." It means they're not interested. It doesn't matter why.

I used to be friends with a guy on here years ago, at least I thought we were friends, so when I came back I emailed him. He read my mail and never replied. I figured "**** him" and I moved on. That's all you can do, trying to figure out why people don't want to talk to you is a waste of time. And the time you're wasting on people who don't give a **** about you could be spent on someone who does.

I hope you find someone worthy, since it seems to be very important to you.flowerforyou

Good point and its a bit black and white but true.
I was just trying to see how many experience this too.

And thank you for seeing that I want someone worthy and im only trying find them.

GreekAdonis's photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:26 PM
Edited by GreekAdonis on Fri 11/29/13 02:27 PM
I though it was "no news is good news" laugh

no photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:41 PM

I though it was "no news is good news" laugh


Ha, sometimes no reply is a good thing; it could be saving you from a lot of heartache and ******** in the end.

I guess since I'm not a guy and since I make it a policy to never email guys first, I don't get the frustration. I admit it annoys me when I've been talking to a guy and he takes forever to reply back, for whatever reason, because I enjoy the conversation and I'd like to continue it. But I've never been in a position where I emailed a bunch of people and got ignored, simply because I never would have been the first one to send the email.

And I admit to being the one who doesn't reply to emails sent from people I'm not interested in, I just don't feel like taking the time to tell them I'm not interested. I figure my non reply says that. I've sent rejection mails, in the past, like years and years ago, and all I got was grief- "you *****" or comments about my ethnicity, or I must be a lesbian, demands to know why I wasn't interested in them, I must think I'm better than them, blah blah blah....

So, it's easier to just say nothing. I figure there shouldn't be any hard feelings either way, since they don't know me and never will. But that's just me....

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:46 PM


I was just trying to see how many experience this too.

THis question gets asked a lot here (there's another thread going on the exact same thing), so I guess it happens a lot, meaning you're not an exception.
I can't speak from experience, I'm not trying to initiate contact with anyone, as I'm not really looking at the mo. Just got a few contacts which is cool. If someone 'promising' sends me a message, I will reply and that doesn't happen very often (sounds judgmental, but as I'm currently not actively looking for Mr Right, I'm just very picky :angel: )
Think of it as meeting ppl in the street. How many do you feel like talking to?
The thing is, when we're attempting to socialize and/or chat someone up and no one responds, it's very easy to take it personal. You shouldn't. It simply isn't.


no photo
Fri 11/29/13 02:48 PM



I was just trying to see how many experience this too.

THis question gets asked a lot here (there's another thread going on the exact same thing), so I guess it happens a lot, meaning you're not an exception.
I can't speak from experience, I'm not trying to initiate contact with anyone, as I'm not really looking at the mo. Just got a few contacts which is cool. If someone 'promising' sends me a message, I will reply and that doesn't happen very often (sounds judgmental, but as I'm currently not actively looking for Mr Right, I'm just very picky :angel: )
Think of it as meeting ppl in the street. How many do you feel like talking to?
The thing is, when we're attempting to socialize and/or chat someone up and no one responds, it's very easy to take it personal. You shouldn't. It simply isn't.




Very well said. That's another thing, we don't want to talk to everyone we meet in real life, so it's the same thing online. Or at least it is for me...

no photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:03 PM
Some people actually get off on being made to feel like a loser and a reject. It is an acquired taste so be carful.

Suntita2's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:05 PM
Adonis,this peeves me as well.I always ignore if the person doesnt fit my preferences bcoz that means they did not read my profile well(especially the bit about age & marrieds).As for men who say hi once,and then begin to nudge & send kisses...that puts me off.Heck,if we met in real life I'd xpect we exchange some banter before you start all the/any touching! Others say a word or two and am wondering what the world our friendship online will be about if we cant hold a conversation.The people I have come to like best are all the regular contributers in various forums. I come in here to mingle & must say with you and others,I feel grateful for the stuff discussed.It is courteous to reply to mail,and silence is an answer,but like someone said,you might just be getting saved from **** when someone whose profile you liked,does not reply.stay hopeful.I am.words are a good gauge of personality,so wait for that one who'll respond positively.Till then,lets keep it kicking in here.(hug)

GreekAdonis's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:10 PM
With both your comments I can start to understand the dynamics.
So making it easier for me to understand.
Ive not been on dating sites before and its all new to me.
May I ask a question about your people in the street cenario, if someone starts a conversation with you on the street would you reply or ignor them if they were unattractive?
I love to talk to strangers like I have known them for ages and the smiles I get back are very rewarding. I love it, same as a smile, when you smile at someone its very hard for them not to smile back. Try it yourself on a bus or train its warming to get a smile from a stranger.

no photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:16 PM
To be honest, if someone where I live now tried to hit on me in public, I'd leave the area. In a mad hurry. Just because I'm not interested in anyone from WV.

If I lived somewhere else, if the person was attractive and not creepy and didn't come off as an idiot or a moron, then I might talk to them. But yeah, if they were someone that I didn't find attractive, or I thought was too old, or too young, or any other of my criteria, then no, I wouldn't talk to them.

I don't see anything wrong with that; I'm pretty sure if the shoe was on the other foot and I approached someone who found me repulsive, they'd respond the same way.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:19 PM

With both your comments I can start to understand the dynamics.
So making it easier for me to understand.
Ive not been on dating sites before and its all new to me.
May I ask a question about your people in the street cenario, if someone starts a conversation with you on the street would you reply or ignor them if they were unattractive?
I love to talk to strangers like I have known them for ages and the smiles I get back are very rewarding. I love it, same as a smile, when you smile at someone its very hard for them not to smile back. Try it yourself on a bus or train its warming to get a smile from a stranger.

You're so focused on "unattractive". Why?
I think it depends more how high someone rates on my creep-o'meter.

PacificStar48's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:23 PM
Rejection is a drag but as nice as you try to be about it the result is trying to tell someone why is never received well. You have a couple of snarky replies it just gets too much bother when there are several lined up to move on to.

Profiles and posts give a lot of info about folks and people sometimes reject them from photo's alone, facts lists, or text and or posts. Some reject you for not enough or too much.

Sometimes they google you on other sites by your photos and if the info doesn't jive you are pegged a liar or a scammer. If you have peeved someone enough to get a bogus post about you then you can be getting deleted for something that is inaccurate. Example if you have EVER been arrested you are on mug shot sites even if you were never charged.

Asking will usually make a person mad so even the generic conversation about it can scare off some who have had the unpleasant experience of someone who would not take no for an answer. If you date very long at all sooner or later you will run into this lovely experience and it will make more sense.

People rarely want to own up how picky they are about the usual stuff not to mention the little bits you in advertently tell.


SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:26 PM

Some people actually get off on being made to feel like a loser and a reject. It is an acquired taste so be carful.

Sometimes wished you'd elaborate a bit more. ohwell

sparkyae5's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:30 PM
crystalfairy is right on--in other words you got it from a woman's point of view what else is there?---you could try the push pull method--

FearandLoathing's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:36 PM
Just about everyone I emailed sent me one back...Of course, that's only like, six people or some s*.

But as has been said, no reply is indeed a reply...Just not the one you were looking for.

unsure's photo
Fri 11/29/13 03:56 PM
You also have to take in consideration that some people do not get on here all the time. There have been times when I skip 3-4 days. I go through phases where I check this thing all the time and then there's times when I have things going on and I think I will have time later and I don't take the time to check it out.
If someone doesn't answer your email just move on. If they don't want to answer you the first time, then they won't answer you the second time. Don't waste your time.
I do get tired of people sending me IM's asking me if I am into sexting. WTH? I am not a teenager people...get a life!!!

PacificStar48's photo
Fri 11/29/13 04:18 PM
Edited by PacificStar48 on Fri 11/29/13 04:20 PM
I have wondered if sometimes rejection is not accumulative for some folks?

Rejections that would be basically unnoticed or ignored as inconsequential gets amplified because one is stacked on another.

I have seen folks that would have not been phased by rejection in a given situation once sensitized by divorce or loss of a job or realizing they are suddenly not in the high demand generation tend to get in a spiral that notices even the smallest slights.

Especially hard on them when the myths that seem to swirl around dating being so easy turn out to be so much bunk.

The ones about women seem kind of funny sometimes others not so much.

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