I am recently a new member here but I have been online dating for years so ignore my low post count.

I know I am here to find my special someone. If I were in a position to find her elsewhere I would have already found her. I am in a position to relocate easily but I would prefer to stay where I am.

Online dating sites are pretty common and I find the same misconceptions here as I do on the many others I visit. We all must be very careful in our screening process before setting up a real life meet-up.

Many people on these sites use it for getting laid. There are lots better sites for that than the online dating sites. The sex only people make it hard for those of us that are seeking a good friend or a special someone. I have talked with many women online and the things they tell me that men do on these sites explain why most of us are still alone.

This is where YOU DO WANT to put your best foot forward. If your online personality is all about sex and being insensitive you will not find anyone special. Chances are you will get what you deserve, someone that will lay you and leave you but give you drama, problems and even an STD. If that is your goal it will explain your participation methods. What is bad is that there are so many with that goal, It creates a barrier for normal, good-hearted & worthy people from finding who they seek. I find that selfish.

Profile Photos
You should try to keep your profile photo current and accurate. Physical attraction is always the first thing in any relationship. This is a dating site and a place to meet someone. I have met many women that have older pictures on their profile to the point of not recognizing them when we first meet. To me - That is the First Lie.

Messaging
Lately, Especially here, I have noticed that people are not using the messaging feature correctly. Messaging is for weeding out the unworthy and creating a re-pore that gives you security in your choice. Many will try to give phone numbers, email addresses and meet-up locations after only a few messages.
Use the messaging system to ask the vital questions you each need to know. Only give your personal information when you both are secure in the safety of one another. This can't be done with only 3 or 4 messages. Any woman that wants my information before we get to know each other is a scammer. Be patient and safeguard your information until you know its the right time. If they are worthy - they will wait.

Friends but Not Partners
I have found that there are many women that are just not who I am looking for. They are beautiful people but just not the one. Just because you know they are not the one doesn't mean you have to stop talking to them. I have met many women that I am still friends with even tho we didn't click. That in itself says a lot for any personality.

Use all the Tools
Dating sites give you many tools to find someone special. To not use them is a waste and can often put you in a situation you don't want to be in.
The profile is but one tool. It should be used to evaluate if someone is worth contacting. Heed their profile.
The message system is a way to learn more about them or to test their validity. I have found some very good friendships using the message system.
The Nudge lets someone know you are interested. It is a way to say hi without committing to anything. I use the Nudge to see if someone will respond.
The "Viewed Me" feature is a way to see if others find you interesting. Many views are generated by curiosity and mean nothing but if the same person views you multiple times you might want to try first contact. They might be shy or unsure.
The Forums
What better way to judge someones personality than to look at their comments in the forums. I see many women that have great profiles but become unworthy due to their forum comments.

Anyhoo, I would like to read some realistic and focused comments on this subject. It would be nice to know if I am the strange one and at the wrong dating site.

Sex is personal. I believe it should be discussed personally. It shouldn't be a barrier but it should be something that is one on one. After all it is as physically close as two people can get.

awww thank you so much for the tidbits of advice. I am very new to the online dating site stuff. Honestly I wasn't quite sure why all these little options of various activities on here existed. I now have a wonderful perspective on the "tools" available to me

i agree with you 100% OP. Especially the one about not giving personal info like phone # in just a few messages. And, of course the "hookup". I always say that in the first few messages to make perfectly clear that is not what i'm looking for. Sometimes they get rude, which is stupid on their part, but ok for me because I CAN simply block them.
Thank you for pointing out that we ALL need to continue keeping our guard up to "protect ourselves"...not simply because I am a prude or don't want to meet.

KLC, Worthy is a defining word and is powerful. If being worthy is detrimental, you might want to look at why? Not trying to be mean but don't we all want someone Worthy?

I have a lot of pride in myself and I love myself. It would be stupid of me to accept someone that is not worthy of my love and there are many that are not.

As for the ladies, I feel for you. I have heard about what some men will do and frankly it makes us all look bad. Just know that there are some of us that have respect and manners. We may not be able to express it all as a woman but if you use the tools to find out about us we can amaze you.

I push the safety issues because I have had encounters in the past where I didn't use the tools and I didn't follow my instincts and it had been bad. I recovered but those lessons were learned hard. I'm picky but I need to be.

We love deeply when it is true and to make rash decisions that will affect your happiness and even your life is not conducive to your well-being.

The most difficult part is that women are jaded by the misfits that turn ugly and it makes it that much harder for a good man to find a good woman.

Plus you need to realize that the photo you love might not be the normal look of someone. This is why skype is important in the online dating process. Skype give you a chance to see someone as they are. It allows you to see the habits and mannerisms that you used to see and watch in bars and at dances and stuff.

Once I am comfortable talking and sharing info on messaging systems I often will invite a skype chat. Not not to show you my junk! So you can see me and I can see you as you are naturally. I have had a few instances where I was totally duped until we agreed to skype. One woman said she doesn't do drugs and during skype I saw her bong on the table. I don't concern myself over smoking pot - I will with someone special but I don't NEED it. What concerned me and ultimately ended our online courtship is the fact that she lied about it.

I am at a disadvantage because I hate using phones. I can but I prefer not to. Many women want to text and call me. I just don't so that. I prefer skype over a phone call. With today's technology we no longer have to settle for a voice in a box. Most phones have the ability to skype so why not use it. Unless there is something to hide?

ShanonHugs, You're welcome. I wish you all the luck in finding your special someone. You will wade thru a lot of MUCK to find him but if you are careful and know what you want you will find him. Just be careful.

MelMaxx, I don't think you are a prude and you wouldn't be on a dating site if you were not looking. I think you are just being smart and looking out for your best interests. Just remember to give us guys a chance.

The blocking feature is also a wonderful tool. With all the possible candidates you see and contact there are bound to be many that are unworthy of you. Blocking them removes them from the masses so you can continue looking without being harassed.
At one dating site, in the forums, you can block people from your view. I once posted a request for everyone to block me. When asked why? I stated that if all the lifers and jaded people block me the ones left will be that much better. LOL - It didn't work - only one person blocked me.

Which brings me to the Forums and reading personalities.
That site where I requested to be blocked is full of mean, nasty, jaded people that thrive on creating and perpetuating drama. So far, Mingle2 forums are not this way...so far.
People lose hope and lose sight of why they are on a dating site in the first place. There are much better forum communities on the web for general discussions and playfulness. We should all try to remember why we are here.

I like how Mingle2 separates the threads into categories. If I want to play I can go to games, If I want to discuss my passions I can go to the section where I can find others like-minded.

Here, In Dating & Relationships I can learn how the community thinks about the process. I can read about people's trial and errors and find out what is valuable and what is not.

I can search comments by specific members and read their views on a multitude of subjects that helps me to understand the person I am interested in. I have seen some that are very down to Earth and solid and many that are complete fools and liars. Use the forums as a tool and as a learning experience. Share some of yourself and be natural.

Hi Tomishereagain,

I completely agree w/your suggestions about current photo, safety tips & using whatever tools a dating site provides.

However, I am not a "Skyper"...I guess b/c my 3 yr old laptop doesn't support it #1, & my personal preference #2. I feel it is probably necessary for those in a LDR (& I only think LDRS work when there is a definite "return" date for either partner) or when you are ONLY friends who are geographically separated. For the purposes of dating? No

Skype to me is a "substitute" for a real meeting. I'm willing to put on daytime clothes, comb my hair & meet IRL for a coffee...I mean, people would drive 20 minutes to go to the supermarket for what they want, how is meeting someone you have been talking & emailing to for 2 weeks any different? (& I'm a non-driver so I am fully aware of the limits to driving to meet someone for the 1st time - if a guy messages me from one county over I politely decline even if his profile seems tailor matched to mine). Skype seems like a "limbo". If my bf moved to Ca., I would try to arrange a Skype with her, but talking on the phone would be just as good. For a man I'm attracted to for a potential RS: in person meeting every time.

I would also add to carefully read a profile: one interest in common is just not enough...when you actually start messaging the conversation will drag pretty quickly b/c you just don't have things to say that are interesting to the other person if the profiles are too divergent. The beach loving dog owner will not have much to talk about besides the weather with the works from home rare book collector LOL!

There's nothing wrong with Skyping someone before you meet them, so many people have had the experience of meeting in real life and the person they're meeting looks nothing like their photo, is a lot older than their photo, or other physical differences. Skype them before you meet and that's one less thing to worry about. Skype is far more trustworthy than just using current photos.

She was trying to help you there.
Using that particular word on a website like this smacks of
superiority and presumption, no matter how you spin it.

Yep

Thank you for the advice OP.
Mingle2 is the first dating site i've been on and i prefer the forums....i haven't even tried looking for anyone here and i usually forget its a dating site coz i like the forums rather then trying to actually look for someone





.

I have to agree with Soufie.

You're surely a cutiepie @ cutiepie

Lol sorry but I don't hardly read such long post,(not knocking it though)but i would just like to touch on the topic,when I first started this dating site,which was the first by the way,the whole idea WAS to find "the one",but I've gotten a good feel OF it,and I definitely won't put all my eggs in that basket,it's pretty much just a social online hangout for me now,I wouldn't rule out actually hooking up for real though!!!

If only the world had more words..

Everyone is going to use a site like this in a different way. Some are here to chit chat and pass the time. Others are here to make friends. Some are here to find actual dates. And there are those who use these sites to find sex partners. None of that is wrong. It just depends on what you're looking for.

worthy...

to automatically infer many be "unworthy"...

once used by scribes and pharisees.

"for god seeks a worthy subject".

when in a happier world of equality of value of all...

everything is equal in value and all is just a matter of a perfect fit of two in their perfect place.

where simply mutual cares, values and wants lead the heart and mind to what be best for two.

good lucky charms to you mate.

Well said!!

So you're telling me those hot chicks from Russia aren't real????

They ARE real, as in "real-ly far away in an internet caf� in the Ukraine & real-ly looking to get your $$" LOL!

Wait a minute. Internet cafe's are real????????