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| Topic: Muslim cleric says "self love" will leave your hand pregnant | |
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Admins, feel free to move this if theres a more appropriate section.....but I saw it in an online newspaper, so theres that lol
"" A Muslim televangelist has advised male followers to stop masturbating — because it will leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife. Turkish preacher Mücahid Cihad Han told viewers that masturbation was forbidden in Islam. “One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said during his program on private television station 2000 TV, according to The Hurriyet Daily News. “If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” The self-styled televangelist made the astonishing comments in response to a viewer’s question during a May 24 show. The viewer said he “kept masturbating, although he was married,” including during his holy pilgrimage to Mecca, known as Umrah. According to The Hurriyet Daily News, a news source for Turkey and the region, the Quran does not make a clear reference to masturbation “and the authenticity of many hadiths is questionable.” Han, who has more than 12,000 followers on Twitter, was mercilessly mocked on social media after newspapers published his TV “fatwa.”" http://nypost.com/2015/05/26/televangelist-warns-men-who-masturbate-your-hands-will-be-pregnant-in-afterlife/ I dont know if I laughed harder at getting a hand pregnant or the fact that there are actually Muslim televangelists. No worries for me though.....Pamela Handerson assured me "she" was on the pill 
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Classic!
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Well try Googling some other Muslim fatwas, especially from Saudi Arabia and Egypt.
Muslims should have sex with clothes on. (Um, ok) You cannot have tomatoes and cucumbers on the same plate as one is male and one is female.( Salad sex!) Some Saudi clerics want to ban the letter 'X' because it looks like a cross that has fallen on its side.(Guess Saudi kids can't have an X-box, count to six, play a sax, or ever get a package from Fed-Ex.) The weirdest one was that in order to alleviate sexual tension in the workplace, that a woman should breastfeed her male co-workers whenever they want.(How do you complain to HR about THAT one?) Crazy. |
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He could be lucky! Maybe no one else has a catcher's mitt in heaven.
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Admins, feel free to move this if theres a more appropriate section.....but I saw it in an online newspaper, so theres that lol "" A Muslim televangelist has advised male followers to stop masturbating — because it will leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife. Turkish preacher Mücahid Cihad Han told viewers that masturbation was forbidden in Islam. “One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said during his program on private television station 2000 TV, according to The Hurriyet Daily News. “If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” The self-styled televangelist made the astonishing comments in response to a viewer’s question during a May 24 show. The viewer said he “kept masturbating, although he was married,” including during his holy pilgrimage to Mecca, known as Umrah. According to The Hurriyet Daily News, a news source for Turkey and the region, the Quran does not make a clear reference to masturbation “and the authenticity of many hadiths is questionable.” Han, who has more than 12,000 followers on Twitter, was mercilessly mocked on social media after newspapers published his TV “fatwa.”" http://nypost.com/2015/05/26/televangelist-warns-men-who-masturbate-your-hands-will-be-pregnant-in-afterlife/ I dont know if I laughed harder at getting a hand pregnant or the fact that there are actually Muslim televangelists. No worries for me though.....Pamela Handerson assured me "she" was on the pill Oh crap, that means I am going to have a TON of babies in the afterlife...... 
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Well duh, doesn't everyone know that?
That's what lotion is for. It's a spermicide. |
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OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...I thought is was a callus !
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The rabbit died.......
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Islam .. talk to the hand Did you know Mohammed put his shirt on some woman .. That she may wear the shirt of heaven .. And slept with her in her grave .. Kinky :-) sounds like a movie on Torgo's list lol |
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Well duh, doesn't everyone know that? That's what lotion is for. It's a spermicide. 
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It's true. I've had to have several abortions...both hands.
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OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...I thought is was a callus !
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Edited by
LUNG1954
on
Sat 06/06/15 01:21 AM
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A Muslim televangelist has advised male followers to stop masturbating I dont know if I laughed harder at getting a hand pregnant or the fact that there are actually Muslim televangelists. Yes, masturbation was forbidden in Islam it is a sin. Sunni Muslims are four schools; Hanafi, Shafi, Maliki and Hanbali. Hanbali is considered to be the most conservative of the four schools, and it is predominant among Muslims in Saudi Arabia. The Wahhabi movement revived by Muhammad ibn Abd-al-Wahhab is, in general, opposed to other schools in Islam, as well as Christians. Many Wahabi fatwas from Saudi Arabia and other Wahabi Sheikhs are not logical, like; 1): Sheikh Saleh, head of the Supreme Judicial Council in Saudi Arabia, issued a fatwa against "obscenity, humor, laughter and wasting time without benefit". 2): Nikah with sister is allowed ( Wahabi Aalim ..Talib Ur Rehman's new fatwa.)...... 3): The severe Islamic law imposed by Al Qaeda forbid women from buying cucumbers, which were regarded as male and could only be bought by men. 4): Sheikh Hameed, a Sunni tribal leader from a former Al Qaeda stronghold in the west of Iraq, said: 'I saw them slaughter a nine-year old boy like a sheep because his family didn't pledge allegiance to them.' 5): Music, shaving and the medical treatment of women by male doctors were all among activities considered by ISIS to be forbidden by Islam. 'Barbers were killed because they did not obey,' said Kais, a barber from Mosul in Iraq. 6): Leaflets threatened women with kidnap or death for not wearing an all-enveloping robe. 7): The forced marriage of Iraqi women and girls to ISIS members by tribes intimidated by the group was not uncommon. |
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Well as wacky as these people can be, ISIS reminds us of the brutality of Islam as well. Published stories today show ISIS has revived the Saddam Hussein era practice of 'recruiting for the Iraqi air force'. Made famous by Saddam and his minions, the act of tossing people off buildings to their deaths has been invoked as a Sharia punishment for gay men by ISIS.
Seems they are now using undercover operatives called 'flirt squads' to trick gay men into revealing their proclivities. Once convicted under Sharia law of being a homosexual, these men are killed. In Mosul, they are being publicly executed by ISIS members who dangle them by their ankles from a 10 storey building, and then letting them drop. Should they actually survive the fall, one of Allah's brave fighters stands ready to pump a couple bullets into the victim on the ground. Reports also note how the ISIS executioners make a point of hugging their intended victims in front of the crowd. This is meant to convey the message to those watching that the ISIS fighters themselves have no ill will towards this person, but that God is the one who has judged them. Sooooo, as disgusting a practice as this is, let me wonder how many of the Hollywood elite who promote gay rights causes will publicly denounce these acts and call out Islam for what it is, a religion of death? |
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I believe this guy!. And that is the main reason I do not use my hand. I use one of those shelf item grabbers.
Let that stupid schmuck carry the kids. |
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stop masturbating because it will leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife And with that knowledge I shall raise an army to rule it all. |
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omg -
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Edited by
Conrad_73
on
Wed 06/10/15 05:25 AM
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The Handy-Man can...................
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and we are even discussing this why? Didn't you read about the fatwa about wasting time lol
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