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| Topic: Open Relationships VS. Monogamy...Whats your take? | |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Sun 08/02/15 11:35 AM
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I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's the most stupid idea that was rammed down our throats by patriarchal society, and church.
I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous. Most people think "gangbang" when you mentioned "not monogamous", or sexercising everyone you see. But it doesn't mean that at all. Doesn't have to anyways. To me "non monogamous relationship" is having the possibility to choose to be intimate with someone you happen upon and with whom you have a click. The intimacy you share can be loving or lustful, and doesn't have to threaten the regular relationship at all. If nothing else, it would likely enhance it, as there's no reason to cheat, drool over other men/women, fantasize over other men/women etc. etc. as you have the option. ANd having the option still doesn't mean you have to do it, you can choose, so you can also decide against it. I personally think it's the best and healthiest way to have a lasting AND happy relationship. It is just that we have been brainwashed to feel it is wrong. We've been reared to believe that it will damage our relationship and we will lose our partner when he is intimate with another. Meaning it's just fear that keeps our minds and hearts closed. Fear of losing our partner. We don't own our partner and we won't lose them if they share an moment of intimacy with someone else. And if we would, then the relationship wasn't good to begin with, or not anymore. I'm not sure if I can do it, as I'm also a child of this society. I would be very happy if I could, because it would mean I am FREE. That's right ... It's the closest thing to unconditional love if you can actually live that way. And again I want to stress that I am NOT talking about shagging every other person you meet. I honestly think the desire to be intimate with someone else won't be that strong anymore when you have the freedom to do it, or not. . . |
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depending upon what someone takes 'monogamy' to mean
according to miriam webster: : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time 3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time I do believe one should not make a promise for one person if they are not able to have the will power to keep the promise,, I dont think committing to one person is unnatural at all I also believe its smartest, safest, and most reasonable to not practice having multiple sexual partners within 'a period of time',, I dont think that taking time between sexual partners is 'unnatural' either,,, |
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Interesting post, Crystal. I would be jealous if my man was not faithful to me, though. I would be devastated.
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Word up, Debbie. Once again, you are the brains in the Mingle family.  lol thanks,but no 'you' are. your post was much better than mine. infact your post was the best on the whole of this thread. I fully agree with everything you said.   Awww, you are very kind. What do I know? Lol |
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Word up, Debbie. Once again, you are the brains in the Mingle family. lol thanks,but no 'you' are. your post was much better than mine. infact your post was the best on the whole of this thread. I fully agree with everything you said. Awww, you are very kind. What do I know? Lol more than most 
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Edited by
debbie1980
on
Sun 08/02/15 02:57 PM
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I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's the most stupid idea that was rammed down our throats by patriarchal society, and church. I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous. Most people think "gangbang" when you mentioned "not monogamous", or sexercising everyone you see. But it doesn't mean that at all. Doesn't have to anyways. To me "non monogamous relationship" is having the possibility to choose to be intimate with someone you happen upon and with whom you have a click. The intimacy you share can be loving or lustful, and doesn't have to threaten the regular relationship at all. If nothing else, it would likely enhance it, as there's no reason to cheat, drool over other men/women, fantasize over other men/women etc. etc. as you have the option. ANd having the option still doesn't mean you have to do it, you can choose, so you can also decide against it. I personally think it's the best and healthiest way to have a lasting AND happy relationship. It is just that we have been brainwashed to feel it is wrong. We've been reared to believe that it will damage our relationship and we will lose our partner when he is intimate with another. Meaning it's just fear that keeps our minds and hearts closed. Fear of losing our partner. We don't own our partner and we won't lose them if they share an moment of intimacy with someone else. And if we would, then the relationship wasn't good to begin with, or not anymore. I'm not sure if I can do it, as I'm also a child of this society. I would be very happy if I could, because it would mean I am FREE. That's right ... It's the closest thing to unconditional love if you can actually live that way. And again I want to stress that I am NOT talking about shagging every other person you meet. I honestly think the desire to be intimate with someone else won't be that strong anymore when you have the freedom to do it, or not. . . I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, incase she had a sti  , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita
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I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, in case she had a sti , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita This is yet another good reason why I would never ever share my man. 
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Edited by
debbie1980
on
Sun 08/02/15 03:13 PM
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I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, in case she had a sti , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita This is yet another good reason why I would never ever share my man. exactly. those crabs are vile little bleeders, you don't want them crawling on your fu fu and bed sheets when i worked in the sexual health clinic i saw those little buggers under a microscope. yuck not to mention, that gonorrhea causes green discharge is a gangbang such a good idea now 
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yup scary, and even with a rubber you can still contract genital herpes, genital warts, crabs because its just skin to skin contact. that's why my legs are firmly closed  and if he's gonna tap it, he's gonna have to wrap it.  until I know he's clean.
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I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's the most stupid idea that was rammed down our throats by patriarchal society, and church. I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous. Most people think "gangbang" when you mentioned "not monogamous", or sexercising everyone you see. But it doesn't mean that at all. Doesn't have to anyways. To me "non monogamous relationship" is having the possibility to choose to be intimate with someone you happen upon and with whom you have a click. The intimacy you share can be loving or lustful, and doesn't have to threaten the regular relationship at all. If nothing else, it would likely enhance it, as there's no reason to cheat, drool over other men/women, fantasize over other men/women etc. etc. as you have the option. ANd having the option still doesn't mean you have to do it, you can choose, so you can also decide against it. I personally think it's the best and healthiest way to have a lasting AND happy relationship. It is just that we have been brainwashed to feel it is wrong. We've been reared to believe that it will damage our relationship and we will lose our partner when he is intimate with another. Meaning it's just fear that keeps our minds and hearts closed. Fear of losing our partner. We don't own our partner and we won't lose them if they share an moment of intimacy with someone else. And if we would, then the relationship wasn't good to begin with, or not anymore. I'm not sure if I can do it, as I'm also a child of this society. I would be very happy if I could, because it would mean I am FREE. That's right ... It's the closest thing to unconditional love if you can actually live that way. And again I want to stress that I am NOT talking about shagging every other person you meet. I honestly think the desire to be intimate with someone else won't be that strong anymore when you have the freedom to do it, or not. . . I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, incase she had a sti , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita Would and should are rather meaningless words ... and what is considered "should not do" or "should do" is defined by society... Have you ever been in a LTR? As in 10 yrs or longer? So long that you find yourself thinking "Why is it that because I am in a LTR, it is 'forbidden' to ever fall in love again?" I was only some 32 at the time, and the thought that that was it, for the rest of my life, never feel butterflies again, never fall in love again, never again feel that excitement of the first kiss, the first this that and the other... Pretty bleeping daunting! Another 40-50 years of never feeling those wonderful things ever again... Why? Just cos I was in a monogamous LTR. And I think that is exactly why many people stray. I felt like I was doomed. A relationship shouldn't be like a prison, nor a life-sentence. Now that I'm pulling 40, it's slightly different. It's not like I got another 60 years ahead of me. But to be with one and the same partner from approx. 20 till the day you die... You're talking an average of 60 years here, bloody hell! I seriously do not envy ppl that have been married 25 years or longer. Most people stay together cos it's the done thing or they haven't the guts to leave. When I was younger I always thought it was utterly romantic to get married "till the day you die". Now I feel more like having the intention that it'll last, but not vow to it. You can NOT vow to still love someone 20 years from now. Impossible. And I seriously think if we weren't brainwashed to (try to) be monogamous, things would be a helluva lot easier. And yes, healthier. Apart from my own ego not being able to handle being in a monogamous relationship (yet), there is indeed the good argument of STDs. The rest is just sore ego and fear. |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Sun 08/02/15 04:09 PM
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wow, can we say its for some people and not others,,without making character assassinations of those who fit in the category we do not?
fear of what else one might be missing is still a fear,, yes? in the right relationship, its no more a prison to vow to love and be there for a partner then it is to make that same emotional vow towards our children yeah, I may not see her 'first' steps again, but there will be plenty of other firsts that I cant wait to be there for a strong relationship might only have one 'first' kiss, but over a lifetime, plenty of other experiences will lead to plenty of other firsts,, its all about perception(not brainwashing) and priorities |
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In this case, I'm with you, Ms Harmony. I don't believe that a woman is in love if they feel being monogamous to someone is a prison sentence. Yikes
When a woman is truly in love, you would be happy to have your man for every year that you are together. |
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In this case, I'm with you, Ms Harmony. I don't believe that a woman is in love if they feel being monogamous to someone is a prison sentence. Yikes When a woman is truly in love, you would be happy to have your man for every year that you are together. its all good, lets not forget, ,, not everyone has the same idea of what 'love' is,,,,,, one of many differences that makes us all individuals
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wow, can we say its for some people and not others,,without making character assassinations of those who fit in the category we do not? fear of what else one might be missing is still a fear,, yes? in the right relationship, its no more a prison to vow to love and be there for a partner then it is to make that same emotional vow towards our children yeah, I may not see her 'first' steps again, but there will be plenty of other firsts that I cant wait to be there for a strong relationship might only have one 'first' kiss, but over a lifetime, plenty of other experiences will lead to plenty of other firsts,, its all about perception(not brainwashing) and priorities Sure a LTR can be great ... but few actually are. Simple fact. Just look at divorce rates, says enough. And priorities, what have those got to do with anything? Conforming to societal pressure and demands? Again you seem to assume that having a non-monogamous relationship would mean that you get intimate with others a lot. Maybe ppl consciously choose to not do so, because (and at least) they have the freedom of choice. Children ... these days it's commonly accepted that parents are divorced and kids have one parent to grow up with. 30 yrs ago this was frowned upon. So again ... societal pressure and expectations. And yes, if you'd want to be intimate with others out of fear to be missing out on something else ... but that's not what I'm talking about. Not at all. |
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wow, can we say its for some people and not others,,without making character assassinations of those who fit in the category we do not? fear of what else one might be missing is still a fear,, yes? in the right relationship, its no more a prison to vow to love and be there for a partner then it is to make that same emotional vow towards our children yeah, I may not see her 'first' steps again, but there will be plenty of other firsts that I cant wait to be there for a strong relationship might only have one 'first' kiss, but over a lifetime, plenty of other experiences will lead to plenty of other firsts,, its all about perception(not brainwashing) and priorities Sure a LTR can be great ... but few actually are. Simple fact. Just look at divorce rates, says enough. And priorities, what have those got to do with anything? Conforming to societal pressure and demands? Again you seem to assume that having a non-monogamous relationship would mean that you get intimate with others a lot. Maybe ppl consciously choose to not do so, because (and at least) they have the freedom of choice. Children ... these days it's commonly accepted that parents are divorced and kids have one parent to grow up with. 30 yrs ago this was frowned upon. So again ... societal pressure and expectations. And yes, if you'd want to be intimate with others out of fear to be missing out on something else ... but that's not what I'm talking about. Not at all. priorities have alot to do with it,, if whats important is how many 'first kisses' one will experience,, that one person in a life time seems like a prison sentence if whats important is how much you can build together, and how many different types of FIRSTS one can share with the person they are building a life with,,,,,,the fact there will only be one 'first kiss' with that person means squat,,, Im not assuming how many people non monogamous people are with, in fact, I am not passing judgement about either side I dont assume non monogamous is promiscuous, nor should others assume its more 'natural' or those not engaged in it are 'brainwashed' or pressured by society its not for everyone, thats where I am leaving it |
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I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's the most stupid idea that was rammed down our throats by patriarchal society, and church. I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous. Most people think "gangbang" when you mentioned "not monogamous", or sexercising everyone you see. But it doesn't mean that at all. Doesn't have to anyways. To me "non monogamous relationship" is having the possibility to choose to be intimate with someone you happen upon and with whom you have a click. The intimacy you share can be loving or lustful, and doesn't have to threaten the regular relationship at all. If nothing else, it would likely enhance it, as there's no reason to cheat, drool over other men/women, fantasize over other men/women etc. etc. as you have the option. ANd having the option still doesn't mean you have to do it, you can choose, so you can also decide against it. I personally think it's the best and healthiest way to have a lasting AND happy relationship. It is just that we have been brainwashed to feel it is wrong. We've been reared to believe that it will damage our relationship and we will lose our partner when he is intimate with another. Meaning it's just fear that keeps our minds and hearts closed. Fear of losing our partner. We don't own our partner and we won't lose them if they share an moment of intimacy with someone else. And if we would, then the relationship wasn't good to begin with, or not anymore. I'm not sure if I can do it, as I'm also a child of this society. I would be very happy if I could, because it would mean I am FREE. That's right ... It's the closest thing to unconditional love if you can actually live that way. And again I want to stress that I am NOT talking about shagging every other person you meet. I honestly think the desire to be intimate with someone else won't be that strong anymore when you have the freedom to do it, or not. . . I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, incase she had a sti , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita Would and should are rather meaningless words ... and what is considered "should not do" or "should do" is defined by society... Have you ever been in a LTR? As in 10 yrs or longer? So long that you find yourself thinking "Why is it that because I am in a LTR, it is 'forbidden' to ever fall in love again?" I was only some 32 at the time, and the thought that that was it, for the rest of my life, never feel butterflies again, never fall in love again, never again feel that excitement of the first kiss, the first this that and the other... Pretty bleeping daunting! Another 40-50 years of never feeling those wonderful things ever again... Why? Just cos I was in a monogamous LTR. And I think that is exactly why many people stray. I felt like I was doomed. A relationship shouldn't be like a prison, nor a life-sentence. Now that I'm pulling 40, it's slightly different. It's not like I got another 60 years ahead of me. But to be with one and the same partner from approx. 20 till the day you die... You're talking an average of 60 years here, bloody hell! I seriously do not envy ppl that have been married 25 years or longer. Most people stay together cos it's the done thing or they haven't the guts to leave. When I was younger I always thought it was utterly romantic to get married "till the day you die". Now I feel more like having the intention that it'll last, but not vow to it. You can NOT vow to still love someone 20 years from now. Impossible. And I seriously think if we weren't brainwashed to (try to) be monogamous, things would be a helluva lot easier. And yes, healthier. Apart from my own ego not being able to handle being in a monogamous relationship (yet), there is indeed the good argument of STDs. The rest is just sore ego and fear. im really tired so i cant leave a full reply now. all ill say is - i know this is totally different, BUT isn't that like saying when my kids get older and i cant rock them in my arms anymore and i don't feel that excitement like i did when i looked in the crib anymore ill give them away and have a new child?? what im saying is, excitement will always wear off with everything in life, its love that keeps you together and about keeping that spark and romance alive, if people worked on that, maybe they would be less inclined to have sex with others. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Mon 08/03/15 03:07 AM
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I don't believe in monogamy. I think it's the most stupid idea that was rammed down our throats by patriarchal society, and church. I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous. Most people think "gangbang" when you mentioned "not monogamous", or sexercising everyone you see. But it doesn't mean that at all. Doesn't have to anyways. To me "non monogamous relationship" is having the possibility to choose to be intimate with someone you happen upon and with whom you have a click. The intimacy you share can be loving or lustful, and doesn't have to threaten the regular relationship at all. If nothing else, it would likely enhance it, as there's no reason to cheat, drool over other men/women, fantasize over other men/women etc. etc. as you have the option. ANd having the option still doesn't mean you have to do it, you can choose, so you can also decide against it. I personally think it's the best and healthiest way to have a lasting AND happy relationship. It is just that we have been brainwashed to feel it is wrong. We've been reared to believe that it will damage our relationship and we will lose our partner when he is intimate with another. Meaning it's just fear that keeps our minds and hearts closed. Fear of losing our partner. We don't own our partner and we won't lose them if they share an moment of intimacy with someone else. And if we would, then the relationship wasn't good to begin with, or not anymore. I'm not sure if I can do it, as I'm also a child of this society. I would be very happy if I could, because it would mean I am FREE. That's right ... It's the closest thing to unconditional love if you can actually live that way. And again I want to stress that I am NOT talking about shagging every other person you meet. I honestly think the desire to be intimate with someone else won't be that strong anymore when you have the freedom to do it, or not. . . I don't think it is the best and healthiest way, i believe in being loyal to your partner and if you both communicate and have a healthy sexual relationship, why is there a need to have sex with someone else. communication is vital for a healthy sexual relationship, if in a relationship all your sexual desires are met by communicating first people wouldn't need to go elsewhere for sex. i think i would vom if a man cheated on me and i had sex with him not knowing he had, incase she had a sti , crabs or a fishy smelly fangita Would and should are rather meaningless words ... and what is considered "should not do" or "should do" is defined by society... Have you ever been in a LTR? As in 10 yrs or longer? So long that you find yourself thinking "Why is it that because I am in a LTR, it is 'forbidden' to ever fall in love again?" I was only some 32 at the time, and the thought that that was it, for the rest of my life, never feel butterflies again, never fall in love again, never again feel that excitement of the first kiss, the first this that and the other... Pretty bleeping daunting! Another 40-50 years of never feeling those wonderful things ever again... Why? Just cos I was in a monogamous LTR. And I think that is exactly why many people stray. I felt like I was doomed. A relationship shouldn't be like a prison, nor a life-sentence. Now that I'm pulling 40, it's slightly different. It's not like I got another 60 years ahead of me. But to be with one and the same partner from approx. 20 till the day you die... You're talking an average of 60 years here, bloody hell! I seriously do not envy ppl that have been married 25 years or longer. Most people stay together cos it's the done thing or they haven't the guts to leave. When I was younger I always thought it was utterly romantic to get married "till the day you die". Now I feel more like having the intention that it'll last, but not vow to it. You can NOT vow to still love someone 20 years from now. Impossible. And I seriously think if we weren't brainwashed to (try to) be monogamous, things would be a helluva lot easier. And yes, healthier. Apart from my own ego not being able to handle being in a monogamous relationship (yet), there is indeed the good argument of STDs. The rest is just sore ego and fear. im really tired so i cant leave a full reply now. all ill say is - i know this is totally different, BUT isn't that like saying when my kids get older and i cant rock them in my arms anymore and i don't feel that excitement like i did when i looked in the crib anymore ill give them away and have a new child?? what im saying is, excitement will always wear off with everything in life, its love that keeps you together and about keeping that spark and romance alive, if people worked on that, maybe they would be less inclined to have sex with others. You're assuming it's about sex and lust and giving up on a LTR and the love you have in the LTR. It is not. It's not about shagging as many ppl as possible in life. It's about EVERYONE meeting someone else at some point in life that one has an interest in, a click. In spite of being in a relationship. That does not mean you want a LTR with that 'new' person, nor that you stop loving your regular partner, nor give up on what you have with your regular partner. Not even that your LTR is going down the drain. NOT AT ALL. It's about sharing a loving, intimate moment with another one than your regular partner. That doesn't have to ruin your LTR at all. It would if one partner couldn't grasp the concept, yes. I know a few ppl who have a non-monogamous relationship and their LTR is intensely loving, caring, solid as a rock, and very very long lasting. And no, they don't shag just about everyone. They may in actual fact be more loyal and monogamous in thought, behaviour, desires than so called monogamous people ... Basically it's about freedom of choice. And you still do everything you always do in a LTR. Talk, communicate, work on the relationship etc etc. When you have the freedom of choice, it might be a helluva lot easier to choose to be monogamous. But never mind. It takes different mindsets and people to grasp the concept I spose. Latching on to a few things I mentioned, and ripping them out of context because you (Don't mean you per say, Debbie) don't understand, is not really a nice way of discussing a subject. I've given my view, good enough. To each his own.
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Debbie, you are so eloquent and so true. 
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Crystal, you are encouraging cheating, even if it may be few and far between, as something normal. But when you share your body with another person, a piece of your soul goes with them, too, the piece that should have stayed with your steady partner. You are presenting an interesting, alternate reality to the mainstream thinking and behavior but remember it is not that simple. There are feelings, consequences and complicated bodily rhythms that get wrapped up in our sexual acts, especially when those acts are outside and in addition to the steady relationship. It is called playing with fire.
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