of it all... how long did it take to get over the pain of your divorce your break up..... did you do anything that helped you cope with the loss... or are you still struggling to come to terms with it all..?..

went out and got me my first corvette and took an awsome roadtrip,,forgot all about her by the tome i hit mississippi.....

Divorced in 2006. Divorce is difficult, but I can honestly say that I have been able to find out my true identity when I had to be alone. I learned so much about relationships. I have had so much time to prep myself for a more healthy relationship. Even in the very difficult times, I learn more about who I am and who I want to be and become the person I want to attract.

Lol
The breakup was no pain at all. It was freedom, gosh it felt good.
I kissed the guy from the courthouse who delivered it then had a divorce party.
By this stage I was over him. We have to be separated 2 years before we can file for one.

Why do you ask little pooch?

I was thrilled to leave my husband so generally got over it pretty quickly. I jumped into bed with a handful of strangers (on separate occasions) and never looked back.
When I was starting out in a new relationship though, that's when I realised I was still being affected by how my husband had treated me. It took many years of work, but now I can say I am definitely over him and there is no more trace of him in my life (apart from a tattoo but that's another story!)

Ah, there you are again. I was starting to miss you. I need a regular infusion of No1 humour

Dealing with the loss ... when he left for the last time after helping me move, there was nothing but relief. Tremendous relief. For the first time in 10-11 years I could be myself, no more need for protective walls, moats and shields.

Sure it took me some time to find my feet again, about a year, a year and a half.
But to be honest, that phase usually doesn't have all that much to do with the ex themselves anymore. It's more about letting go of what was. Dreams and hopes, routines, comfort and ease. Do not underestimate the ease of a relationship.
Usually it's not about that person but things around them. Basically the relationship you lost. You feel what I mean here? May seem the same, but there's a subtle difference.

From what I know, experienced and hear, it takes people approx 1 year to have the basic chit sussed again. I also have to add that I am inclined to believe that men tend to hang on to things more than women. End up bitter etc. Possibly cos women are more familiar and comfy with dealing with emotions than most men.

For me personally, 3 yrs down the line I am occasionally still dealing with some things, but that's because he was a narcissist. Dealing with severe abuse takes a bit longer than dealing with a divorce. A different ballgame. I've been over the divorce for yonks.

If you're still struggling with it ... you may want to do some digging in self to find out why, what, how etc. Confronting, it takes baws to go there. But if you want to be able to feel good again, to be able to find love and be able to commit, it's the only way.

Good luck and glad to see you back

married at 19, divorced by 24...,, dating again... it was good times. Once I left, I didn't look back. I was over it before the ink was dry. There were no children, so it was a dramaless disentanglement..

Zero.

the breakup was what ended the pain.

...juuuuust curious is all..wink.lol

The more comprehensive and serious the relationship was, the more involved and difficult the recovery will be.

The hard part for me hasn't been accepting that the other person is gone, it has been adjusting to what I learned about myself and about the world in general as a result of what I went through.

... yes the hardest truths we learn are the truths about ourselves..
...

... yes the hardest truths we learn are the truths about ourselves..
...

I always love how you ignore me.
I was so happy to see you back, now I'm

Likewise.
Took 4 years to even see men as people, once with
a sociopath and you have to relearn trust.

I am with those that say the divorce is the end of the pain. What was agonizing was the time getting to the decision and acceptance that divorce was mandatory.

I would have rather cut off my arm than divorce but I felt if nothing else my kids were better off coming from a broken home than living in one.

And at that point I was only responsible for me and the kids and that really made life a whole lot easier. When yo stop dragging 200+ lbs. of dead weight life gets a lot easier.

Likewise.
Took 4 years to even see men as people, once with
a sociopath and you have to relearn trust.


Unfortunately sometimes one learns upon breaking-up, the real character & true nature of this "person" that you thought you knew.This was when I was struck with so many realizations not only in terms of who he really was but more importantly-some unwelcome insights into my own character.Painful, sad stuff that one never gets "over" but must get through. Over time, the hurt may be somewhat "Dulled" but it never completely disappears.
I have been without any significant romantic relationship for about 5 years now. Do I miss it? I suppose at times, in passing daydreams & fantasies, that would be true. But, the very real reality[not the passing fantasy] is that I am happier, more secure, & better off in so many more ways by myself[single]than I ever was with anyone who I had ever been partnered with. Go figure...

When my husband died, the pain was unbearable. I was in a black hole for three years. Then I joined a dating site and lived happily ever after... the "and lived happily ever after" has not yet happened. But I believe in miracles... don't we all?

When you love someone, the pain of losing him seemed unbearable ........ along with him I lost myself, a part of me died.In the first few months I was still hoping and praying that everything will be alright and we will get back together. Everyday the tears just won't stop rolling down my face when I'm alone, even when I try to keep myself busy, memories keep coming back and it hurts even more.

It took me 3 years to recover and started dating again. In those years I was hurting inside but I never showed how I felt to my friends and family, I kept it all to myself and burried myself to work, I go out with my friends a lot and became active with the church . I didn't date anybody because I felt afraid to fall in love again. I learned to value myself and became stronger. My understanding of what love is has grown deeper and it taught me a lot of things and made me more wiser.

I think it is worth adding that Divorce when it is your choice is way different than being dumped or being abandoned which I think would justify taking a lot longer to get past.

I would assume if you did not see it coming it would be much like being widowed which was for me a 1000 times harder.

The older I get the prospect of divorce does not terrify me nearly as much as knowing the agony of loosing a beloved spouse. I get it is part of living that you have to deal with loss but I will not risk that for a maybe happily ever after.

As hard hearted and practical as I can sometimes be I have no illusions how loosing a beloved spouse can put you on the ground. I get many don't feel the anger that got me through my divorce or that they are blessed with another love that helped them pick up the pieces and move forward. Pains me to see so many of the nice folks on Mingle languishing as Single after divorce, or being widowed if they do not chose to.

Granted I have said sometimes it is self imposed but that is not always the case. You get behind that "invisibility factor" many singles have to deal with for years it is rough.