In a relationship why is it so difficult for one to be loyal and faithful to their partner?

That is a loaded question. Only those that do it can answer why, and then most of them when you ask they have no answer..

Some regret it later and some will keep doing it..

Sometimes individuals just find other people outside of the relationship with whom they share more physical/ emotional chemistry, or similar goals /interests. And sometimes even when people find the right match, they are not committed to the work it takes to sustain the loving relationship they had in the beginning and they seek comfort or excitement in the arms of someone else.

Hmmm.. relationships are like picking up produce from the grocery store..
You pick a Apple up it looks great.. it's the right size.. has the right color.. it looks firm and juicy.. but then you turn it over in your hand.. and you see the smallest of a bruise A.. imperfection..
Well... that won't do!. So you put it back among the other apples.. because after all there are so many other apples on the table.. you're sure you can find one that is perfect... the funny thing is the older you get the less apples there are to pick from...lol

There is a very simple answer to this. It's not difficult at all when at least two major components in a relationship are present. True love and respect. If those two aren't there, then loyalty and faithfulness go right out the window.

If someone can't be loyal and faithful to you, they don't love you. And they most certainly don't respect you.

I know my view on this is going to be very unpopular and I am open to hearing other's take on it. Love has many components as you mentioned and I don't know anyone who loves flawlessly in every component. I know a few guys who are flawless in faithfulness and respect, but they score poorly in empathy or the ability to express feelings verbally or even in conflict resolution skills . The great intentions might be there in those weak areas and even some effort, but some people seem to struggle with certain demonstrations of love more than other demonstrations. And what some don't realise is that the void left by the absence of emotional attentiveness and the other capacities I mentioned earlier can be almost as negatively impactful as the blow of unfaithfulness and disrespect . That's just my view of it but maybe my perspective is too narrow?

UNDERSTANDING IS THE KEY TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.

Its not....

I only quoted 2 things that are needed to keep a relationship on track. I didn't want to go into a whole big spill at the time. I've learned over the years a few things that a lot of men never seem to learn. One, The great majority of women that want a long lasting relationship with a man want an emotional connection over everything. They want that closeness that a lot of men can't seem to give. Men sometimes don't realize that a relationship like that is what women want. A lot of women want that emotional connection more than a sexual connection.

A lot of men think that if they throw the pole to the woman in their lives the right way she will always be happy. It doesn't work that way. What dangles between the legs will not keep a woman at home or happy. What will keep a woman at home and happy with you, is giving of yourself. Your time. Your attention. Listening to her. Doing your best to try to understand her. Be her best friend. Be her champion. Let her be your missing rib.

Let her be closer to you than your family. Your mother or dad. No one is closer to you than she is. If a man can learn how to pull this off, all the other things will fall into place. If a man can learn how to pull this off, Maybe when you have one of your days when you want to be hardheaded and argue a little to much, maybe she will let it go. Her best friend is just having a bad day.

This and all the bullchit advice you've received shouldn't even be considered in a relationship.

If you've even got to speak to your partner about, or so much as mention the words loyal, faithful, or trust, then forget it.

These things are never spoken about in any good relationship.

Because...

I only quoted 2 things that are needed to keep a relationship on track. I didn't want to go into a whole big spill at the time. I've learned over the years a few things that a lot of men never seem to learn. One, The great majority of women that want a long lasting relationship with a man want an emotional connection over everything. They want that closeness that a lot of men can't seem to give. Men sometimes don't realize that a relationship like that is what women want. A lot of women want that emotional connection more than a sexual connection.

A lot of men think that if they throw the pole to the woman in their lives the right way she will always be happy. It doesn't work that way. What dangles between the legs will not keep a woman at home or happy. What will keep a woman at home and happy with you, is giving of yourself. Your time. Your attention. Listening to her. Doing your best to try to understand her. Be her best friend. Be her champion. Let her be your missing rib.

Let her be closer to you than your family. Your mother or dad. No one is closer to you than she is. If a man can learn how to pull this off, all the other things will fall into place. If a man can learn how to pull this off, Maybe when you have one of your days when you want to be hardheaded and argue a little to much, maybe she will let it go. Her best friend is just having a bad day.



I agree 100% I guess I am still questioning if sometimes we confuse a lack of capacity in certain components of love as a lack of love all together. Some people try soooo hard to demonstrate empathy but thats a hard thing to learn so they fail miserably at it . Similarly, some people have a low capacity for fidelity or for talking through conflict .I think all of us fail in 2 or more components of love.( Just ask our exes )But does a failure in components of love translate into not loving someone? Does a lack of faithfulness translate into an absence of love as you suggested in an earlier quote?

Cause they never really wanted to be in the relationship in the first place.

... or could it be that they really wanted to be in a relationship without having a clue what a relationship entails?

I think it would be more that they didn't want to be lonely, found someone that they liked, thought they wanted a relationship, got involved and then and that "Holy Crap" moment and then nailed the next thing that flirted with them. I could be wrong though.

I think it would be more that they didn't want to be lonely, found someone that they liked, thought they wanted a relationship, got involved and then and that "Holy Crap" moment and then nailed the next thing that flirted with them. I could be wrong though.


I think you are right! Brilliant!

I think you are right! Brilliant!


Well I have moments of clarity at times.....I just had breakfast so I am like clicking on all cylinders.

I think this question frequently gets wildly over-complicated.

The answer to "why is it so difficult for one to be loyal and faithful to their partner?" is actually quite simple:


It isn't. It isn't difficult at all, in any way shape or form.

Those who decide NOT to be loyal and faithful, aren't doing so because they are helpless against the forces of nature. They are "straying" because they want to stray.

It's like any other constant and repeating decision a person is called upon to make: why do you NOT steal things, or rob banks? Is it really a difficult thing to do, to NOT steal? No, it's simple: at each moment where you see something that you could steal, you ask yourself what it is that you want to do, what you want to be. Do you want to be a thief? Do you want to break your own declared rules? Most of us repeatedly decide NOT to be robbers and thieves. The ones who do steal, do so because they think it's a good idea, and they want to be thieves.

The hint to take from this, when searching for a loyal mate, is to watch for signs of loyalty to principle and standards in them in other ways. It's behind the old style idea to look for a mate who genuinely respects and honors their parents, their employer or employees as the case may be, and so on.

If you go on a date to a restaurant, and the other person is rude to the staff, or short changes them, or says mean things about people not there to respond, it's a hint that they see the world as being populated by themselves, and creatures who they can use.

One of the things I look for, in profiles, is the statement of the idea that the person thinks they are owed a certain set of benefits and activities on a regular basis from a mate. Anyone who declares that people can and should be quantified, calculated, and then discarded when they don't measure up, isn't looking for a true mate, they are looking for an employee, and a temporary one at that.