In the years gone by, okay, the good ole days...Men always paid for everything if he was on a date. Just wondering if this has changed, mainly because the women are now capable of paying themselves. Is there a new protocol?

Not for me.
It has always been, 'he who asks, pays.'

The guys usually pay in the beginning, but after they have been dating a while, I think its okay for the couple to negotiate what feels comfortable for them

Well these days there are some ladies who do insist on paying their own way. That is normally on the first date. After that, the man better have his finances in order so he can pay for the both of them.

Well I have heard very rare incidents of the woman insisting on paying her way if its an expensive meal because she is worried that the man will expect her to "put out". But as I said. very rare

Exactly my thoughts....gotta go now and get those finances in order...

You being you and beautiful to boot, probably got asked all the time...which means you never had to pay...all I am saying....

If I go out on a first date I always tell the lady that I will take care of everything. I am just ole fashioned that way.

How does one "negotiate" with a woman out on a date together, without coming off as "el cheapo"...all I am saying...

Well, aren't you sweet :-)
But, if I asked someone, I would expect to pay.

Easy peasy.
Before the date, say 'I can only afford $10 tonight,
where do you want to go?'

That's a feast at Taco Bell :-)

See, that opens the door, gives her an option
to offer to treat.

If she never reciprocates, you have yourself a cheapo :-)

I think the woman has to be the one to bring it up. Some women are very considerate and may be concerned about the guy depleting his resources. If she casually offers to pay after several dates, then it's up to the guy to accept or refuse and sometimes a definitive discussion arises out of that gesture and the couple can decide from there.

Which years specifically are you referring to?
Which good ole days, exactly?


Most "good ole days" people seem to refer to also had a lot more free social activities. More parties, dances, church, saturday/sunday picnics and barbecues and family events.
People in general also didn't date 3,4,5 times a week.

Going out to dinner or a movie or nightclub was a treat.
It wasn't the only option.
Going out wasn't the necessity it is now in order to protect yourself from complete internet strangers who live god knows where.
Most of the things people did together for dates didn't really require money at all.

There were a lot more non creepy, non threatening, lively, group oriented, social activities available.

And that doesn't even address how things were actually far cheaper in the past. There were more price points with less definite class stratification.
There wasn't McDonald's eww yuck cheapo, Applebee's eh middle class, Ruth's Chris oooh fancy.
There were a lot of in-between and a lot of places like McDonald's did not have the connotations they have now due to things like the health craze which turned places like McDonald's into greasy dens of evil.

You could take a date out with 5 bucks, 10 bucks, 15 bucks, 20 bucks, and have an enjoyable time.
There were less wal marts and chainsteraunts and far more individual places to go and things to do that catered to different budgets.

Among so many many many many many many other relevant things.

You can't just point to "men paid!" and think that notes anything specific or relevant about past or changing dating norms.

It implies a homogeneity in a financial burden that victimizes men.
Which just isn't true.


Everything has changed from "the good ole days."
If it hadn't there wouldn't be "good ole days" there'd just be "ole days, like today."

Some men pay, some don't. Some women pay, some don't.
Some people care, some don't.
Some people work themselves through moral mental manipulating gymnastics trying to justify their chosen behavior is the "right" way.
Some people look at the past with rose tinted glasses.

...So not much has changed.


If you're worried about how you come off and how someone is going to judge you it only means you aren't being yourself and are trying to manipulate how they see you.

If you're not being yourself you're doomed to failure anyway, at some point, simply because you can't keep the facade going forever (or you're extremely insecure, which also kills anything).

And since divorces aren't like the "good ole days," and people are far more wary in committing to anything, you won't be able to trap them before it comes down.

yes indeedy by all means be yourself
sit on that wallet
and when the waiter comes with the check
excuse yourself and go use the john

Personally this is why I like casual first and hopefully multiple dates.
I am one that believes who ask should pay and I also insist on treating my guy as well as he insists on treating me.


I recently heard a female commentator spouting women's rights then in the next breathe stating that she refuses to pay that is the man's job...WTH!!!!

I am not sure about protocol what I do know is I personally cant be bought nor do I want to give that impression. I don't need the man I want him big difference in my book. How fat or deep his wallet is doesn't matter as long as he can pay his own bills.

Yeah. Most guys are like that I think which is sweet

I have been on dates I wish that I had never paid for.

Each paying their own way works fine.

like to meet one like that.... nah make me uncomfortable I don't feel right if I'm not paying

Nice to see you again, singmesweet :-)