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| Topic: Long Distance Relationships...LDRs...For Dummies.... | |
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Ok....
We get so many newbie’s posting on this topic... I have a little experience on the topic... So here is my take on the subject... You meet on the net, a chat room, a dating site or when you visit another city or country.... Whether that first meeting is on the net or not, you have obviously “clicked” and both of you have discovered you have something in common...and you want to take it further... Meeting on net presents itself with its own special set of challenges...you have to lay the foundations of a relationship whilst apart...this in its self is quite the challenge but can be achieved if you share some deep commonalities... Meeting while you are on holidays or visiting another city is the best way to start an LDR...you have already met...and started bonding...those foundation building blocks have been started... Now for the hard work...maintenance... Every day you must phone, text, viber, skype, whatsapp....whatever....everyday communication is key... This requires constant maintenance...both of you have to make it fun...storytelling...joke nights...date nights...Skype sleeping...cyber sex... As you get closer and your feelings grow you need to formulate a plan...with short term goals that lead to the end goal...being together full time.... The first goal is that scary first visit...this first visit must happen quite soon in your new relationship...firstly to see if the other person is “a” real and “b” if both of your feelings are true... Providing that first visit is successful one or both of you must make multiple repeat visits...this is vital in the bonding process... You also need a time frame on when you envisage your end plan to be...this plan can’t be for years away...your plan needs to have an end date...your LDR needs to become a SDR sooner rather than later... Obviously one of you is going to have to move...are you prepared for that?... I believe LDRs can work, but it is certainly not for everyone and it’s not a relationship to be taken lightly.....it will take time, caring and nurturing....and money....haha LDR couples that make it work, will all have something special that bonds them together... This strength will prove to be what keeps them together, thru the tough times... The times when one of you is sick...or distressed...or after an argument... Be prepared for a hard slog.... But if it is meant to be... It a wonderful thing... |
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It is :-)
You are right about the constant contact, from a distance. It needs to be daily because you want/need it to be. I think we talked over a 2 year period much more than had we been in the same town. You really can direct the time apart to learning of the other so there are not so many surprises when you meet. It can be done :-) |
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Ok.... We get so many newbie’s posting on this topic... I have a little experience on the topic... So here is my take on the subject... You meet on the net, a chat room, a dating site or when you visit another city or country.... Whether that first meeting is on the net or not, you have obviously “clicked” and both of you have discovered you have something in common...and you want to take it further... Meeting on net presents itself with its own special set of challenges...you have to lay the foundations of a relationship whilst apart...this in its self is quite the challenge but can be achieved if you share some deep commonalities... Meeting while you are on holidays or visiting another city is the best way to start an LDR...you have already met...and started bonding...those foundation building blocks have been started... Now for the hard work...maintenance... Every day you must phone, text, viber, skype, whatsapp....whatever....everyday communication is key... This requires constant maintenance...both of you have to make it fun...storytelling...joke nights...date nights...Skype sleeping...cyber sex... As you get closer and your feelings grow you need to formulate a plan...with short term goals that lead to the end goal...being together full time.... The first goal is that scary first visit...this first visit must happen quite soon in your new relationship...firstly to see if the other person is “a” real and “b” if both of your feelings are true... Providing that first visit is successful one or both of you must make multiple repeat visits...this is vital in the bonding process... You also need a time frame on when you envisage your end plan to be...this plan can’t be for years away...your plan needs to have an end date...your LDR needs to become a SDR sooner rather than later... Obviously one of you is going to have to move...are you prepared for that?... I believe LDRs can work, but it is certainly not for everyone and it’s not a relationship to be taken lightly.....it will take time, caring and nurturing....and money....haha LDR couples that make it work, will all have something special that bonds them together... This strength will prove to be what keeps them together, thru the tough times... The times when one of you is sick...or distressed...or after an argument... Be prepared for a hard slog.... But if it is meant to be... It a wonderful thing... I believe in LDR ,it works if both parties are serious ,it takes time and patience to survive. but at the end is worth it ... I was married 5 years to my late husband and he meet me half way to the world from u.s.a to Philippines . and it's all worth it... I never had any regrets of marrying him and entering into LDR relationship ... 
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It is :-) You are right about the constant contact, from a distance. It needs to be daily because you want/need it to be. I think we talked over a 2 year period much more than had we been in the same town. You really can direct the time apart to learning of the other so there are not so many surprises when you meet. It can be done :-) Yes...I feel you actually can learn more about each other.... Cause you have nothing else to do but chat.... When you develop a relationship in person, often the sex gets in the way and then later... You look at the person and say...hmmm I don't really know you... |
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I believe in LDR ,it works if both parties are serious ,it takes time and patience to survive. but at the end is worth it ... I was married 5 years to my late husband and he meet me half way to the world from u.s.a to Philippines . and it's all worth it... I never had any regrets of marrying him and entering into LDR relationship ... awww...very nice mj...  |
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I believe in LDR ,it works if both parties are serious ,it takes time and patience to survive. but at the end is worth it ... I was married 5 years to my late husband and he meet me half way to the world from u.s.a to Philippines . and it's all worth it... I never had any regrets of marrying him and entering into LDR relationship ... awww...very nice mj... yuppie and I had a pretty daughter as my bonus ,,although I wish our (husband) love story didn't end soon, but I'm happy I once meet a good man.. 
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I believe in LDR ,it works if both parties are serious ,it takes time and patience to survive. but at the end is worth it ... I was married 5 years to my late husband and he meet me half way to the world from u.s.a to Philippines . and it's all worth it... I never had any regrets of marrying him and entering into LDR relationship ... awww...very nice mj... yuppie and I had a pretty daughter as my bonus ,,although I wish our (husband) love story didn't end soon, but I'm happy I once meet a good man.. That's so nice...I'm sure you will have a wonderful future ahead of you... 
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I believe in LDR ,it works if both parties are serious ,it takes time and patience to survive. but at the end is worth it ... I was married 5 years to my late husband and he meet me half way to the world from u.s.a to Philippines . and it's all worth it... I never had any regrets of marrying him and entering into LDR relationship ... awww...very nice mj... yuppie and I had a pretty daughter as my bonus ,,although I wish our (husband) love story didn't end soon, but I'm happy I once meet a good man.. That's so nice...I'm sure you will have a wonderful future ahead of you... I was working on that :) just hoping for the best.
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Yes...I feel you actually can learn more about each other.... Cause you have nothing else to do but chat.... When you develop a relationship in person, often the sex gets in the way and then later... You look at the person and say...hmmm I don't really know you... Dead on :-) |
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As you said some can do it some can not..
I myself have tried LDR's twice it was not easy had no intentions of even getting into one. The one that lasted the longest we talked solid for like 3 months before I went to meet him.. We got along great for over a year we fly back and forth every couple of months taking turns, then he moved to Texas to live with me.. Then things went all to hell.. At least he had his own house which his brother took care of while he was here. So he could move back to when it all went down hill.. From the time he drove into the driveway I seen a side of him I did not like and only got worse over the next few months.. Not saying those same issue could not happen by dating local.. But if he had not keep his house it could have been a disaster... I prefer to date someone that is local so you can actually go places and do things together. To me no matter how much one talks at times you really don't know them till you actually live with them no different then any relationship.. At least with local you can spend more one on one time and see their face and their reactions.. My suggestions for those that do the LDR is yes they can work but like it was mentioned one will have to move in the end.. With some that is not a issue.. But you have to put a lot more time and effort into a LDR cause there are so many issues that are involved.. It takes money for all the traveling one must do and for one to finally move to where the other one is.. I would suggest to anyone the sooner you can actually meet the better to see them face to face and see if all those feelings are really there.. sometimes you meet them and those feelings are not what you thought they were.. If small kids are involved that has to be taken in consideration.. I have known LDR's to fall apart for a couples due to both had young kids and well in the state of Texas as many states now you can not just pick up and move with your kids.. It is against the law to remove the kids from the other parent to be able to see them. I knew of one that tried it and was told either move back so the father could see the kids or risk loosing the kids all together and the dad get full custody.. But even if the kids are grown it is hard to ask someone to move away from their kids.. Something I'm not willing to do~~ There are a lot of ups and downs.. I would suggest anyone to do the research before jumping in to a LDR. And if possible spend even longer times then a extended weekend or a week at a time with the other person to really get to know them and their ways.. I have seen so many of them fall apart all due to unforeseen issues that neither thought would be a issue.. Love is blind at times but then along comes reality.. LDR's are not easy and can really stress one out wanting to be with the other due to distance ect.. It does take a strong person and they can be very rewarding as well.. The ones over the years I have seen that have worked they weathered through all the storms and stuck it and it was well worth it all in the end... |
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I agree with every thing you said op ...
both have to have honesty and communication is key ... in any relationship ... and trust ... must be solid ... |
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True.but its hard to get to know someone from a distance the greats fear is if that person Will like you after you guys meet.
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Edited by
mikey5360
on
Fri 05/13/16 02:13 AM
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True.but its hard to get to know someone from a distance. And that is why constant daily communication is so important... The more you chat, text, Skype....etc...the more you get to know each other... the greats fear is if that person Will like you after you guys meet. Yes it is... This is why the first meeting must happen as soon as possible... It would be a shame to waste months and months to find out whether or not your compatible in real life... I remember my first meeting....it was one of the most nerve wracking experiences I have even been through... |
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Ok.... We get so many newbie’s posting on this topic... I have a little experience on the topic... So here is my take on the subject... You meet on the net, a chat room, a dating site or when you visit another city or country.... Whether that first meeting is on the net or not, you have obviously “clicked” and both of you have discovered you have something in common...and you want to take it further... Meeting on net presents itself with its own special set of challenges...you have to lay the foundations of a relationship whilst apart...this in its self is quite the challenge but can be achieved if you share some deep commonalities... Meeting while you are on holidays or visiting another city is the best way to start an LDR...you have already met...and started bonding...those foundation building blocks have been started... Now for the hard work...maintenance... Every day you must phone, text, viber, skype, whatsapp....whatever....everyday communication is key... This requires constant maintenance...both of you have to make it fun...storytelling...joke nights...date nights...Skype sleeping...cyber sex... As you get closer and your feelings grow you need to formulate a plan...with short term goals that lead to the end goal...being together full time.... The first goal is that scary first visit...this first visit must happen quite soon in your new relationship...firstly to see if the other person is “a” real and “b” if both of your feelings are true... Providing that first visit is successful one or both of you must make multiple repeat visits...this is vital in the bonding process... You also need a time frame on when you envisage your end plan to be...this plan can’t be for years away...your plan needs to have an end date...your LDR needs to become a SDR sooner rather than later... Obviously one of you is going to have to move...are you prepared for that?... I believe LDRs can work, but it is certainly not for everyone and it’s not a relationship to be taken lightly.....it will take time, caring and nurturing....and money....haha LDR couples that make it work, will all have something special that bonds them together... This strength will prove to be what keeps them together, thru the tough times... The times when one of you is sick...or distressed...or after an argument... Be prepared for a hard slog.... But if it is meant to be... It a wonderful thing... When all these things stated above is done by both parties then there is a high probability that things will work out well between them and that "KEY" of constant communication whether it be Long Distance or Short Distance is really vital coz without it any relationship will just fade away and become cold as ice. If you could possibly meet for real then do so, so that you can start right away to build a strong foundation and nurture daily with time, both parties must talk over skype or phone daily even just for a few minutes just to see and know that you are both A "Okay", not just plain texting or e-mail. When somebody gives you a special attention it means you are important and precious to him, if not, he just want to have fun, so be prepared if you want to play his game or not. A real man should always make the first move to make contact and not the lady, though it is not that a big deal if the lady communicates first but then sometimes if men are presented with this, they seem to make themselves a "VIP" more and more each day (which shouldn't be the scenario) Lolzzzz. |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Fri 05/13/16 07:44 AM
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I have no experience with this whatsoever but here are my thoughts on some issues that are not always addressed.
While I do believe in LDRs, I do think that the further the distance in the globe, is the more you have to contend with alienating immigration laws, and possible cultural norms that clash against one's value systems. I think too many people romanticize that part of the LDR journey instead of researching it as a couple and assessing the practicality of those realities in the long run. I also don't see things working out if both parties are highly career driven during the long distance courtship period. I don't think you can mentally or emotionally half-azz an LDR. It requires a lot of focus because of all the added built in challenges, and a person with a high career drive is more likely to be giving their focus to mastering their career. I also think that some people because of having been cheated on in the past or maybe even because of their own insecurities, are more prone to a suspicious/paranoid personality than others. As a result of this, they put all their trust in the fears they have in their head as opposed to the actual truth, and they are perpetually in the mindset of accusation against infidelity. A person like that will not stand a chance in an LDR or any type of relationship for that matter because no amount of truth, love or reassurance can deliver them from that demon in my opinion.They require professional help.And LDRs only serve to poke at those even more . The last thing that I consider important whether it be a SDR or a LDR is the couple's ability to meet each others immediate family if possible and view the interaction style of that person in their home turf with their family. I think there are some crucial insights you gain into the person's character , lifestyle and personality that you cant learn from any context other than their family setting. Even with all of these sobering realities, what I love about the LDR is what people in this thread said about the unique opportunity it offers to get to know someone at slow and steady pace. So many people I know , are in a rush to formalise a relationship without taking the time to know who they truly are, and then they rush just as quickly into the taking each other for granted phase. I think a mature couple who consistently sustain that rich communication over a year or more in an LDR, show signs of TRULY caring about the person and wanting to be with that person, which many SDR's seem lack these days. I also truly believe that because of the lack of physical access to the person, that LDR couples develop their communication to a much deeper level than SDR couples, and they become almost like a physically challenged person, whose other senses get highly developed and fine-tuned to compensate for the disability in question  |
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When somebody gives you a special attention it means you are important and precious to him, if not, he just want to have fun, so be prepared if you want to play his game or not. This is a good point to make note of in regards to ascertaining the realness of your potential LDR partner... If it is love developing you will know the difference between game or not by that special attention... For instance, if there is too much focus on cyber sex and not enough on meaningful chats...be wary... If they say they are going to visit soon, get them to show the proof...airline tickets etc... Nobody wants to be played... A real man should always make the first move to make contact and not the lady, though it is not that a big deal if the lady communicates first I noticed this when I was in Phils....and whilst it is a worthy sentiment, here in the western world it has become common for the girl to often take the lead and speak up for what she wants... A lot of guys are very shy and afraid of rejection... |
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Long distance relatiionships can tend to cause a lot of sexual frustration...i speak from my personal experience only
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Long distance relatiionships can tend to cause a lot of sexual frustration...i speak from my personal experience only True...but this can lead to some pretty wild cyber activity... And your meet ups will be explosive.... 
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Yes true but when u do meet it's kinda hard to let go...at least for me lol
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I have no experience with this whatsoever but here are my thoughts on some issues that are not always addressed. While I do believe in LDRs, I do think that the further the distance in the globe, is the more you have to contend with alienating immigration laws, and possible cultural norms that clash against one's value systems. I think too many people romanticize that part of the LDR journey instead of researching it as a couple and assessing the practicality of those realities in the long run. I also don't see things working out if both parties are highly career driven during the long distance courtship period. I don't think you can mentally or emotionally half-azz an LDR. It requires a lot of focus because of all the added built in challenges, and a person with a high career drive is more likely to be giving their focus to mastering their career. I also think that some people because of having been cheated on in the past or maybe even because of their own insecurities, are more prone to a suspicious/paranoid personality than others. As a result of this, they put all their trust in the fears they have in their head as opposed to the actual truth, and they are perpetually in the mindset of accusation against infidelity. A person like that will not stand a chance in an LDR or any type of relationship for that matter because no amount of truth, love or reassurance can deliver them from that demon in my opinion.They require professional help.And LDRs only serve to poke at those even more . The last thing that I consider important whether it be a SDR or a LDR is the couple's ability to meet each others immediate family if possible and view the interaction style of that person in their home turf with their family. I think there are some crucial insights you gain into the person's character , lifestyle and personality that you cant learn from any context other than their family setting. Even with all of these sobering realities, what I love about the LDR is what people in this thread said about the unique opportunity it offers to get to know someone at slow and steady pace. So many people I know , are in a rush to formalise a relationship without taking the time to know who they truly are, and then they rush just as quickly into the taking each other for granted phase. I think a mature couple who consistently sustain that rich communication over a year or more in an LDR, show signs of TRULY caring about the person and wanting to be with that person, which many SDR's seem lack these days. I also truly believe that because of the lack of physical access to the person, that LDR couples develop their communication to a much deeper level than SDR couples, and they become almost like a physically challenged person, whose other senses get highly developed and fine-tuned to compensate for the disability in question Another thought provoking, intelligent post Peggy... Where is the damn like button...haha |
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