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| Topic: Are you actually ready to be loved by someone? | |
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Edited by
BreakingGood
on
Sat 09/03/16 08:25 PM
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Lately there's been a lot of hugs, kisses, and hearts floating a round in the forums.
Yeah, I know, it makes me sick too.   There are many people on here but who's actually ready to be loved by someone else. You know, have you lowered the walls, bridged the gaps, and open the doors. (ATTN: This is a good sentence for smart azz comments) So do you have your doors open..... 
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Yeah, I know, it makes me sick too.
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Are you actually ready to be loved by someone? This to me is the most profound statement of all... Are you ready??? I remember a time I knew I wasn't and I was upfront and honest about it. It takes a lot of personal growth to be ready to be that open, honest, and vulnerable. I think it takes a lot of work on thyself to be in that position. And for most I think they want to be. I hope I am... Time will tell. I think first you have to love yourself enough to be able to be open to all that "love" brings to the table. To be loved you have to have the capacity to give love. |
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An impossibility. I'm not the same species.
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Yes, I'm ready to love and be loved.
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Yes, am ready to leave and cleave to my true love.
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we're ya live
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There are many people on here but who's actually ready to be loved by someone else. Unless someone is already in a loving relationship and looking at it from hindsight I'm not sure anyone can accurately answer this. I mean love is an emotion. Emotions influence and drive behavior, which is also influenced by social training and experience. Behavior is communication. So people will communicate their love differently just as they have different styles of communication. The question then becomes "are you ready to understand, accept, and appreciate for what it is, a persons particular brand of communicating their feelings for you, while at this moment knowing absolutely nothing about how they actually communicate?" Another way to ask this could be "are you so open minded that you are completely willing to accept any type of behavior without any immediate negative association no matter what they do?" Otherwise you are asking "are you open to people behaving exactly how you want them to, according to your own bias and expectations, that communicate exactly what you want from them, automatically assuming communication is easy and transparent?" And who wouldn't be ready for that? |
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Yes, but it does trigger old stuff from my last relationship. I knew that would happen btw, so I was not shocked by it. I am shocked by how strong those fears & feelings can be. Totally overwhelming at times.
But I take responsibility for them, work through them. I know that if I want to be whole in a relationship, I have to, and I really want to. So yes, but it ain't necessarily always easy. |
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Mmmm good question. I can remember thinking I was ready when I was 18 and madly in love with my best friend - just as he thought he was ready and married someone else the following year.
Now I'm 53 I feel a lot less confident about being ready than I did then cos there's a lot of scar tissue clogging up the old heart. But I WANT to be ready and HOPE I'm ready - maybe that is enough to make something beautiful happen again 
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Edited by
IgorFrankensteen
on
Sun 09/04/16 05:18 AM
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Speaking of "triggering old stuff from previous relationships," the act of aggressively asking a question like " Are you actually ready to be loved by someone?" is a heck of a trigger.
Back in the day, it was one of a number of straight up manipulations that people pulled on each other. In my local area, we came to refer to the asking of such questions IN SOME MANNERS, as "GPS." That was the initials for "Guilt Producing S(tuff)." It is a good serious question to ask YOURSELF, to be sure. But when someone demands it of me, I tend to back off just a bit, out of long established habit. Too many people who challenge others to "open doors, lower walls," and otherwise let down one's guard, are really just reacting to their own lusts, and too often don't actually realize that they just want to have an easier time getting something from you. But when I do ask it of myself, it does cause me some worry. Because it really isn't easy to be sure that one is answering it correctly, as above. Most people really do think they are ready, but I know I have the worry that the reason why I am alone, has something to do with me, rather than just bad luck. |
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no way in hell...but I am aware of it
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Speaking of "triggering old stuff from previous relationships," the act of aggressively asking a question like " Are you actually ready to be loved by someone?" is a heck of a trigger. Back in the day, it was one of a number of straight up manipulations that people pulled on each other. In my local area, we came to refer to the asking of such questions IN SOME MANNERS, as "GPS." That was the initials for "Guilt Producing S(tuff)." It is a good serious question to ask YOURSELF, to be sure. But when someone demands it of me, I tend to back off just a bit, out of long established habit. Too many people who challenge others to "open doors, lower walls," and otherwise let down one's guard, are really just reacting to their own lusts, and too often don't actually realize that they just want to have an easier time getting something from you. But when I do ask it of myself, it does cause me some worry. Because it really isn't easy to be sure that one is answering it correctly, as above. Most people really do think they are ready, but I know I have the worry that the reason why I am alone, has something to do with me, rather than just bad luck. I think indeed many just say they're ready because they are lonely, can't stand on their own two feet and have no clue what a interdependent relationship looks like, and wouldn't be able to handle one either. I think most people, esp women, not sure about men, are co-dependent. And that is a m*ther to get rid off! But not impossible. It takes dedication, time and determination and lots of being nice to yourself. And learning from past and present 'mistakes', becoming aware of them and changing reactions. |
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Yes, but it does trigger old stuff from my last relationship. I knew that would happen btw, so I was not shocked by it. I am shocked by how strong those fears & feelings can be. Totally overwhelming at times. But I take responsibility for them, work through them. I know that if I want to be whole in a relationship, I have to, and I really want to. So yes, but it ain't necessarily always easy. yes its very hard to give old stuff and very painful also, like being reborn and necessary growth.the most growth is when we have the AH HA ourselves which releases the old and lets in the new....when we release the past illusions there is a void that must be filled.....great work your doing !!!!! |
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Yes, but it does trigger old stuff from my last relationship. I knew that would happen btw, so I was not shocked by it. I am shocked by how strong those fears & feelings can be. Totally overwhelming at times. But I take responsibility for them, work through them. I know that if I want to be whole in a relationship, I have to, and I really want to. So yes, but it ain't necessarily always easy. yes its very hard to give old stuff and very painful also, like being reborn and necessary growth.the most growth is when we have the AH HA ourselves which releases the old and lets in the new....when we release the past illusions there is a void that must be filled.....great work your doing !!!!! Thanks! Was a tough relationship with someone with a personality disorder, hence the stuff I sometimes still have to deal with. Got rid of most after breaking up, I mean, I've been single for 4 years, so had plenty of time for that. But it is the stuff that gets triggered when you meet someone new, because those are things that do not get triggered as long as you're alone. So you don't know what and how nor how bad... I just knew that stuff would still be there and surface. Dealing with those things hasn't been particularly easy, but I feel I'm through the worst now. Some things have already been resolved, but I've also come across some brainwashing programs (danged narcissists and the chit they do to you!!!). At least I'm aware of those now, so I can deal with them too. But it's been one helluva rough ride the last month and a half ... The anxiety in my body, pffff... Lost weight way too fast, my hair isn't doing too great. But on my way to recovery from that now :) |
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OH, and to add to that ... the feeling of someone caring for you, having that click ... wonderful! No problem whatsoever letting that in :) No problem giving that to the other either.
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I'm actually not ready. Not ready in this lifetime anyway, and that's a shame.
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I guess you will never know until you're in that high... I was always never ready for it. I kind of just stumble into it and make smart/stupid actions on the go.
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I'm happy being single. However, I'm not sure that translates to not being ready for love? I've seen too many of my friends rush into relationships over the last few years. They give up all independence for fear of being lonely. 18 months later and it all comes crashing down. Roundabouts make me nauseous, I've "settled" in the past but know I'm too oddball for usual tastes. Until I meet someone I find attractive and who's my kind of crazy. I'm fine learning to love myself and all the other things life has to offer.
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we're ya live
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