hahahahahahaha
Okay, I'd fight that paternity suit.

Kkkkk , this is the best answer. U will jus accept your mothers history and move on nomater how much concern does it holds.

in todays sexual climate, you can judge general emotional health and sexual expectation

much better chance that someone who sleeps with 12 people a year is gonna not be in for the long term as someone who has been with just one per year

its much more competition if someone is attracted to both sexes than just one


,,etc,,,etc,,,etc,,,


its only one part of the puzzle, but yeah, knowing something about the sexual past may be an indicator of the sexual future

its better than yours.

"How To Deal With Your Girlfriend's Sexual History."

Hope she doesn't have one

At this very moment you are who you are today because of the life experiences that created you up to this point.

If you have found someone special to you today you feel that way because of who that person is today and how they are with you right now.

If they demonstrate themselves to you in a manner that you accept right now, It really doesn't matter what it took for them to reach that place in their lives. They are who they are today, to you.

If they share their past with you, it could be a signal that they trust you to see them as they are with you right now and respect the life experiences it took them to reach this point in life.
Trust is a significant factor in having a meaningful relationship.

They can no more change the past than you.

I once dated a woman that was a recovering drug addict. She had issues with my family commitments that I found untenable. Her past addiction was not a factor in our dissolution. It was her attitude against my involvement with my family that ended our relationship. In the here and now.

At my age every woman I may have a relationship with has had sexual relations with someone. I seriously doubt I will find a 50 year old virgin and if I did, to me, it would be unnatural.

This is called 'Maturity'.

I understand the point of view Tom,, and I Suppose its in the details.

People often put their 'best' forward when courting , but that is not the totality of who one might end up with in the long term

so, though I agree its important how they make me feel 'right now',, ,its also important to me to know something about their history to give an indicator of what the long term trends may be


for instance, if they have a history of cheating on past spouses, its a red flag of what I may face in the future though they may seem all about me right now

or if they have not cared about or looked after their children, its a red flag of how they may treat mine in the future,,,,

things like that matter,, past behavioral patterns are a good indicator of potential future ones,,

Since I'm not planning on having a girl friend who's sexual history has any bearing on me whatsoever.... I'll answer this as if it's based on either sex ...


The only way I would be concerned or interested in my boyfriend's past sexual history is, if he's someone like Magic Johnson ... as in, if the number is somewhere in the thousands.

Otherwise .. onward and forward!

That is going to give me nightmares!

If the ultimate goal is marriage it is usually a commitment AFTER two people establish a standard of moment to moment experiences together.
Determining if their traits of personality fit into your morals is done by demonstration in the here and now. You can usually tell when someone has traits in their personality you find offensive during the courting duration.

If the goal is not a marriage commitment then why have a long duration relationship in the first place? There is obviously a trust or other issue preventing the commitment.

Short term relationships do happen on purpose for a number of reasons. If it is obviously going to be short term, why test trust at all?


Isn't that operating on the presumption that your significant other is a liar?
In a regular relationship (not intimate) it is safe for you to prepare for traits you might encounter with a regular friend. By the time that friendship has grown into something significant you should have realized how they are and understand their nature.

Since we are all different and have different motivations and concerns I can see how yours and others points are valid. Fear of the unknown/unexpected are real issues we all must learn to deal with.

If I commit to a person, it needs to be because I trust that they are who they demonstrate to me. If our relationship is built on trust and they reveal their past to me it should not matter if who they demonstrate to me is what I desire.

If I love, I am going to love them for who they are not who they were or who they might be. I try to live in the moment because the future never seems to work out as predicted. Using good judgement and paying attention should remove the liars and fakes rather quickly. Unless you are wearing those rose-colored glasses, then all bets are off.

Consider this. Everyone who has been separated or divorced has failed in at least one marriage commitment in the past. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it.

yes but the question becomes, What were you in that relationship in the first place for?

If you are just trying to get laid, the sexual history of the other is vital to your health. STDs are increasing in the under 35 age groups in the USA. It is dangerous to have sex nowadays.

Getting laid and having GF/BF relationship are different things. Courting is not the same as getting laid. Sex is usually not occurring until after honesty and trust is established in a relationship. It just depends on what your reasons are for being in the relationship.

If my goal is to just have a sexual partner then I don't need her to be more than that, so I would consider her past sexual encounters as an indication of her promiscuity. To me, if sex were the driving force in the relationship, more experience would be better as long as she is not carrying a pathogen. But if I were shallow enough to have a relationship for just sex, I wouldn't care who she sleeps with/slept with as long as I get what I want.

Well. I guess it would depend if she's had a hundred lovers in the past or just a few... if she's only had a few less than 12 .. then none of my business..
If she's had more than 50!!!..

Well I'd really be wondering...
Why she's having problems committing..to one person..

And if it's just a sexual thing IE she likes having sex with lots of different partners...well... thanks but no thanks..
It probably won't be long before she's moving on to the next porn shoot

Not saying I don't agree with you. I do feel the possible problems with commitment could be an issue.

But... there's always a but isn't there... I do think the time span and someone's age is important as well.
Let's say someone's got sexually active at the age of 18 and is now 48. He/she was in relationship(s) for a total duration of 20 years. (OK I gotta do maths now, hang on a sec, this may take a while....)
Yes, that leaves 10 years of having been outside of a relationship.
If he/she than had 50 sex partners, that means they had sex 4-5x a year MAX when single with a different sex partner.

You still with me?

So would 4-5 different partners a year be considered over the top? I mean, com'on! It means if he/she's had a bad year, they only had sex once every 2,4 - 3 months. Not like they were banging another one each week.
Doesn't even mean they did that 10 years on end. It could be spread out over 30 years (before, in between and after relationship)! You cannot hold that against someone?

Would you reject a woman for that? And if so, do you hold the same standard for yourself and/or men?
Just curious.
.
.
.

Good point!

For me, it would be a non-issue. I don't have sexual relations with someone that I am not committed to.

I guess it would only matter if her commitment to me was in question.
I was married 25 years and had sex at least once a day. Often times quite a bit more. At 1x@day thats 9,125 times. Since then, in the last 6 years zero. I freakin miss it, LOL.

Before I was married in 1985, I had 3 one night stands and two relationships with sex. So, all in all, under ten thousand in my lifetime. More or less.

My X had 6 affairs on me during my marriage. We managed to stay together thru it all. I'm not saying it didn't get rocky but the marriage ended when she refused to put away her drug habit and I got sick and lost my main income. (I know, shallow) It was her dishonesty with me that actually ended my love for her.

We are all adults. We can embrace sexual needs with maturity or we can exist in a shallow immature world of our own choosing. Could I commit to a relationship with an ex hooker, perhaps. It would all depend on who she was to me and her level of commitment to us.

Consider this. Everyone who has been separated or divorced has failed in at least one marriage commitment in the past. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it.




'failures' can be a simple matter of incompatibility in values or goals, but they can also be the serious result of serious character flaws like trustworthiness, fidelity, temper,,,etc,,,


I understand the points of view throughout this thread,, but I believe people are complex

they are not necessarily 'lying' when they put their best forward,, they are just not showing ALL,, because we cant really show ALL of ourselves in any one moment

I may also respond differently to a one off, than to something that seems to be part of a long established pattern


but it comes down to getting to know the person,, their strengths AND weakness,,,, if they share their weaknesses and I can live with them, their strengths matter more

if they share their weaknesses and they are deal breakers,,,,,their strengths wont matter much

A Marriage, in most cases, is a lifetime commitment to the vows declared during the ritual. In this reference all divorces are failures. It doesn't matter why it failed or who did the failing.
That is just the reality of divorce.

Part of the courting process is to accurately judge your potential partner as to their traits that are tolerant and intolerant to your expectations. We all have our own levels of tolerance and it is a persoanl value set within yourself for any reason you see fit.

What vows? You get a speech, you cry a little, then are asked "do you take bladiblabla to be your lawful wedded husband?"
You say "yes", you kiss.
You don't vow to stay forever to death do you part, to never stray and bladiblabar.
Nor would I ever. I would have the intention to stay together for sure. But you cannot vow to something you haven't a clue about.

Divorce is not a failure either. You had a lesson, you either learned it or you didn't. You split up, it either hurts or it relieves you. You move on.
ANd end up on Mingle
Nothing in life is a failure. It's all just learning, growing, developing. Or chosing not to.

History.. i.e .. before she even knew you... not your business

Make your own

hmmm....I had to check... he's de-activated..