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| Topic: She left me for her ex-husband | |
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But again it does suck not having her in my life. You think she's not in your life? She's obviously in your head likely 24/7 from the sound of it. Until you truly grasp the fact that you are much better off without her she will remain in your head and your life. You hit it dead on... she is in my head 24/7. I'd like to say I'm trying to get her out but I keep thinking of the good times and how great they were, rather then how she left me for an abusive ex. I know time is the answer and I need something to distract me from thinking of her and hoping that she will open her eyes and contact me... but then what? Am I actually going to take her back?? prob yes, but not worried ab that unless it happens. |
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So yeah, my girlfriend of two years left me three months ago to go back to her ex-husband. They have two kids together and are separated for nine years! I have two kids also but I'm divorced. Here is my situation that I need help with. For two years when we were together I was on cloud nine, both of us. It was great I would sleep over her house four, five, six nights a week. Love was in our hearts and happiness was through the roof. Her kids and my kids got along great, My family loved her, her Family loved me. So I go on a business trip for four days and I come back and she tells me her and her ex have been talking and they're going to try to reconcile for the benefit of the kids, they deserve to see and have the family/ parents together. Her kids are 9 & 11. I said are you kidding me? Your ex-husband physically abused you when you were married to him, wasn't there in the hospital when you gave birth to either one of your kids because he was out doing drugs. He was a big drug head, cost your family $40,000 because he told the town you had an illegal basement apartment after you left him. And your family got hit with a 40k fine. How in the world can you give this guy another chance? Oh and they did try to reconcile one time within the nine years and guess what happened… he beat her then also.... so somebody tell me what in the world is going on? Because I still have strong feelings for her, let's be honest I still love her… I tried to go and speak to her so I could hear it straight from her mouth rather than over text and she she was crying to me and hugging me and saying she sorry but she thinks it's the right decision for her children. I don't understand it hence the reason why I'm divorced and not separated. There is a heck of a lot more to the story but it's been three months since we haven't been together and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I'm respecting her and not contacting her since but it kills me every day. Sorry for venting I went through the same time one time but we were more friends then in love, but we did live together... He told me that he wanted to see his ex-wife to see what was there between them, but he wanted me to stay living there and our relationship the same... I told him if that was what he wanted to do that was fine and if they could make it work I would be very happy for him... But that he couldn't take how we got along and think that would be the same for them... I was a very different person then she was and they still had to take care of the problems they had to make them split up... I gave him a few days to make that decision because I told him I wouldn't be staying there if he wanted to go date his wife and I also told him that I wasn't going to be sitting on the side lines waiting to see how it went.... And if it turned out not to work between them and he wanted to see if I would move back in with him..... that was probably not going to happen.... My advice wish her well and move on.... but in the end you have to do what's best for you Oh and by the way the man I was just telling you about.... decided not to date his wife, I stayed with him and we got married a year later..... Only death took him from me..... Good luck what ever you decide.. |
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Yes it is her choice.. and you have a choice as well... do you continue holding out hope that she will leave him' the father of her children and come running back to you.... How do you suck it up be her friend and say I wish you all the best.. Hope things work out for you.. But I'm going to look for somebody that really cares for me.... you!@ deserve to be happy as well... Yes you will have to go back to being alone and lonely.. and choked back the tears when you miss the good times the both of you had together.. But eventually you will learn from them and be a better person for it.. And a better person for the next woman you meet.. you need to invest in you now not in somebody else's relationship..yup I've been trying to focus on myself and all the free time I have now by going to the gym and keeping busy. But it just sucks so much, I just wish I knew what was in her head giving him yet a Nother chance. I mean we went on three vacations this summer one with her kids one with my kids and me and her to Miami. A month later after our Miami trip is when she hit me with this. So I have a lot of questions that I probably will never get answers to and that's on me to get past. Like I said I don't speak to her, text her or anything because this is her wishes. I'm holding out on her hopefully she will contact me and we can have a conversation one day and see where that goes. But her brother, sister and parents all say the same thing. It's just a matter of time before he hits her again and then she's going to run her next BF. Either way I'm not ready for a relationship now and I'm just trying to focus on my kids and myself. But again it does suck not having her in my life. OK I'm done LOL thank you guys I agree with no1phD. Try not. DO or do not. There is no try. -- Yoda |
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Edited by
lefty555
on
Fri 01/27/17 12:25 PM
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Where is your pride ???? Seriously what she did ... Shows she did not love you and was just using you . She is with the man she loves .. No matter how abusive . Something she may regret in the longterm .. as for you ... Let her go and do not waste your life waiting for someone who saw you as a convenience .no matter how happy you were together .... Sorry lefty but that is the way it appears to me . Best of luck!!! Dam u Blondey lol you are right and I heard the same shyt from so many other people. I'm acting pathetic, and if you knew me that is so not my style... I fell hard for her man, and I have so many unanswered questions in my head. I have to accept that I will never get those answers. Do you know how hard it is to believe she was just using me and didn't love me... it kills me to think that but I'm gradually starting to believe it. I just can't understand how she can go bk to him... All she did was tell me how terrible he was and his nick name was ******* always when she spoke ab him. Today is actually 4 months since she "deaded" me. Wanna hear something funny, real quick... Flowers were delivered to my house yesterday and they were for me, I was like wtf??? who's sending me flowers... Then of course I start thinking "omg, maybe its from her and she's finally realizing what she is doing"... So I open the card all excited, and its from my freaking car dealership beacuse my lease is up soon... shoot me |
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So yeah, my girlfriend of two years left me three months ago to go back to her ex-husband. They have two kids together and are separated for nine years! I have two kids also but I'm divorced. Here is my situation that I need help with. For two years when we were together I was on cloud nine, both of us. It was great I would sleep over her house four, five, six nights a week. Love was in our hearts and happiness was through the roof. Her kids and my kids got along great, My family loved her, her Family loved me. So I go on a business trip for four days and I come back and she tells me her and her ex have been talking and they're going to try to reconcile for the benefit of the kids, they deserve to see and have the family/ parents together. Her kids are 9 & 11. I said are you kidding me? Your ex-husband physically abused you when you were married to him, wasn't there in the hospital when you gave birth to either one of your kids because he was out doing drugs. He was a big drug head, cost your family $40,000 because he told the town you had an illegal basement apartment after you left him. And your family got hit with a 40k fine. How in the world can you give this guy another chance? Oh and they did try to reconcile one time within the nine years and guess what happened… he beat her then also.... so somebody tell me what in the world is going on? Because I still have strong feelings for her, let's be honest I still love her… I tried to go and speak to her so I could hear it straight from her mouth rather than over text and she she was crying to me and hugging me and saying she sorry but she thinks it's the right decision for her children. I don't understand it hence the reason why I'm divorced and not separated. There is a heck of a lot more to the story but it's been three months since we haven't been together and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I'm respecting her and not contacting her since but it kills me every day. Sorry for venting I went through the same time one time but we were more friends then in love, but we did live together... He told me that he wanted to see his ex-wife to see what was there between them, but he wanted me to stay living there and our relationship the same... I told him if that was what he wanted to do that was fine and if they could make it work I would be very happy for him... But that he couldn't take how we got along and think that would be the same for them... I was a very different person then she was and they still had to take care of the problems they had to make them split up... I gave him a few days to make that decision because I told him I wouldn't be staying there if he wanted to go date his wife and I also told him that I wasn't going to be sitting on the side lines waiting to see how it went.... And if it turned out not to work between them and he wanted to see if I would move back in with him..... that was probably not going to happen.... My advice wish her well and move on.... but in the end you have to do what's best for you Oh and by the way the man I was just telling you about.... decided not to date his wife, I stayed with him and we got married a year later..... Only death took him from me..... Good luck what ever you decide.. Ohh man, thats a rough situation you went through, but in the long run it worked out for you, but I am sorry to hear about his passing... :( I wish I can tell you what I'm going to do... right now Im in numb land still... I'm going out w friends here and there but there all married w kids so whatever. Trying not to stress it and move on, like a snail lol |
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you have to move on. I bet every one of your friends and people at work are tired of hearing about it.
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Again you're dead right. I've gotten to the point that I'm telling random people about her and the whole situation. Like bartenders and people that I just meet. I know that's totally wrong but I need reassurance that I'm not the crazy one and it wasn't my fault this time LOL. I like the straight up attitude you have and basically telling me to man up and except it and move on. It sucks so much. But I kno I have to. It's not like two or three weeks have passed, it's been four months. If she had a change of heart she would have done something by now. Thank you to everybody for your advice :)
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Lefty,
I was once in a conversation with a friend about a relationship that I was obsessed over at the time, and I vented for 20 minutes about what she did, what I did, what I should have done, etc... At the end of my rant, my friend said just one word: "Drama." Your story is too dramatic. I don't mean that as a crack at you. I genuinely sympathize. But I guarantee you if there is this much drama, it's not love. Love is simpler than drama, and it's not obsessive. Drama is actually a sign that the relationship is NOT the right one, counterintuitive as that may seem. It's a sign to put your energy into other areas. Let this go! This is what drama is telling you. Even if she comes back to you, which you now see as your goal, don't do it! Let this go. It's your happier path forward, guaranteed. I hope you come to sense the difference between these two modes. Your life will improve immeasurably when you do. Best of luck to you. |
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Edited by
SheriAscher
on
Wed 02/01/17 12:15 PM
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I had gone through an abusive relationship myself years ago. The abuser usually has mental issues that's very controlling and manipulative. I left and ran from my abuser because I thought he would kill me. And sure enough wasn't long that he did kill another and is serving his time in prison. I know she still loves you but this other guy is controlling her and making her fearful that she is leaving you to protect the one she loves. Abusers are crazy and they would do anything
To screw up others lives due to jealousy. I know for a fact he's gonna keep abusing her. Nothing you can do tho. I'm sorry. Wish I could help |
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Abusers are a different animal than just a break up. You have to go no contact or gray rock (because of kids or in the legal process)
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Edited by
Funzy65
on
Thu 02/02/17 05:47 AM
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My EX left me after 17 years of good marriage
for someone with more Assets & Gold Credit cards.  22 years after the divorce, I am still celebrating, and she is now in the hands of Mental Health Care Professionals. 
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Read your thread and sounds like what you and your ex had,siee hope that it wears itself out soon, is you both like to be victims of a lost,even abusive, past love. If that is not what you want or what you want your kids to learn about relationships you probably want to get it together even if it takes professional help.
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Lefty555, I'm sorry to hear about your loss, you're obviously hurting. Life's about risks and nothing's certain. You had your time together but now she's chosen to bring it to an end. Don't wish her any malice and move on. Easier said done I know. You sound like a guy who has a lot of love to give. The next time could be the best time. There's no telling what goes on in another person's head. You need to focus on what's good for you and your family. She clearly thinks she's made the right choice for her. Live and let live and all the best for the future.
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wow!...i see that you say you were together all the time, and i understand you believe that but if someone wants to see another person and be intimate with them you would be amazed where, when and how those rendezvous's actually happen...i also think there were meetings and afterwards "her eyes had the mist from the smoke of a distant fire"...
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please update your situation dude!!!
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Dude, give her the space, move on... seriously.
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lefty please update your situation.
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have u ever proposed to her? i mean sometimes women might feel uncertain of their future and want to make sure they're labeled married in the community i don know maybe they like their post boxes better this way! Seriously though he might have serious communication problems. Bring it upnc how she reacts still no? then there's nothing u could do except for moving on.
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