Bouncing off what someone said elsewhere...
Once you fall in love some part of us always stays in love with that person

- Does it work that way for you? Still in a way loving your ex?

- if "Yes"... when honest, did you really get over what happened? Or is the pain still stuck in your craw?

- if "Yes"... what are the consequences of that for a potential new partner? Can you still give him/her the love they deserve or will you never go there again? Will they always be a Nr 2 for you, 'less' than the one you cannot forget?

Hi Chrystal
No, I've moved on with my life...I am in love with life..Life is way to beautiful and one shouldn't get stuck in past...it's not about over analyzing anyone I can only speak for myself...it's better to stay single it works for me right now.. in this life I have no regrets..I absolutely enjoy every second of my life and I wouldn't change my life or me for anyone.. I make my own decisions, I am my own sweetheart so therefore I belong to me!

Obviously there are many people who struggle with this question. One has to ask though, did YOU fall out of love, or did the OTHER person fall out of love with you?

I tend to think that the former case has an easier time adjusting. After all, they only need to remind themselves why they left.

In the latter case, you might really still be in love with the person. Unrequited love is an S.O.B. It keeps you living in the past, then stomps all over your emotions.

Speaking for myself, I have two ex-gf that I will always have feelings for.

In one case, I made a number of mistakes, primarily due to being 'young and stupid'. I was rude and dismissive because of teenage politics. I never actually told her how I really felt, and to what lengths I wanted to go (but chickened out) to prove it.

Accepting the blame for that made it easier. It took years, but I'm over that now. Now I would just like the opportunity to apologize.

In the second case, it was much more complicated. The bottom line was that I was too busy trying to keep other people happy. If I had stuck to my guns, the relationship would not have fallen apart. Knowing that makes it tough. Still I've accepted it, and am moving on....because I have to.

Deep down, I think both of us knew it wouldn't work out. That doesn't change the fact that I believe she is capable of great things. Because of that, I would still like to support and encourage her as a friend. That's the feeling that will never go away.

On the other hand, remaining too close could get messy. If I want her to be happy, I owe it to her not to let that happen. Even if it was her idea, we would need to have a very frank talk about it. So keeping distance is probably the best option.

What I have learned, is that the starting point concept of love which is at the root of this concern, is entirely wrong and misleading.

This is why I keep repeating in various discussions that love is not an external force, or a magic spell of some kind. It is not a single element of anyone's life, even when they are most thoroughly deluding themselves that it is.

Because so many of us value love so highly, AND attach a very fundamental sense of self-worth and societal value to it, we will often demand that love continues no matter what happens.

One way of talking about it, is to say that there are many different kinds of love. That can be misleading too, however, if one gets carried away with saying that each of those different kinds of love are ALSO magic external forces. So that's not so much a solution to the conundrums and contradictions of love, as it is an act of "avoidance by over-complication."

I have seen that what a lot of people who claim that love goes on even after they can't abide being around the person any longer really mean, is that their fantasy of the way they wanted love to be is still in their mind, and still occasionally affecting their current lives.

As well, I have found that although I certainly will NEVER love the people who most hurt me in love in the past, that I am still AFFECTED by the nastiness I suffered because I DID once love them. The fact that I can probably never again be so wondrously and deliriously in love with anyone again after what I went through with an early lover, doesn't mean that I still LOVE THEM. It means that I was so utterly and irreversibly CHANGED by them, that I can't be the person I was before all that.

good go NO!
in fact, it aggravates me having to deal with him
anytime we do the kiddo exchange

Of course...that's the way it works for everyone.
Memory and emotions are encoded together.
Emotion and mood affect memory.
Memory and mood affect emotion.
Mood has an affect on how emotions with memory are retained.


"In a way" is too vague.


Not sure what you mean by "get over."
I don't wallow in emotional pain on a daily basis thinking of all the bad things that happened, with a clear picture of my ex(s) in my head, omnisciently reviewing every moment of our relationship (conversely, I don't wallow on a daily basis in all of the positive things or things I value(d)).


Depends on the potential new partner.
Depends on if the behavior of the potential new partner mirrors the past behavior of the ex that is associated with the pain.
Depends on what type of person I am.
I mean I could be the type of person that punishes new people for past hurts.
Or I could be the type of person that wants to avoid punishing new people for past hurts so overcompensate.
I could be the type of person that wants to be seen as the type that's "over it" and "moved on" but really haven't, so my communication becomes miscommunication and kills the new person.

More depends than in all of Florida.


Love isn't something you give.
You only communicate it.
Being human, you can't communicate just one thing at a time with absolute clarity.
So at best "can you still value and communicate your love effectively, meaningfully, or do you load it up with all sorts of needy, selfish, antagonistic, baggage."
Then it would depend on my partner as well.
Communication is a 2 way street. It's a dual, mutual, responsibility.


No.

Yes, define 'get over', No, limited, yes, no

so,,lol, in a nutshell

I do not believe love has a 'quantity', I believe it can be an infinite emotion, you can love any number of different people, no two the exact SAME Way, but love them just the same

in which case, for me, when I love, I love forever. I may come to realize I cannot trust, or that I cannot share a life or lifestyle, but LOVE does not go away with me, at worst case all that changes is the WAY in which I love someone.

My first husband was the love of my life, to this point. I will always love him. There is no way I would want to live his lifestyle with him or that I would trust him to live mine, but I love him just the same. If I ever love someone else, that persons love will be UNIQUE to our relationship, the same way my love for my ex was/is unique to the relationship he and I had.


Love for different people is a unique experience with those people, not a better or worse experience, just a different and unique one.

In love...no
Care/love...maybe

I have a great deal of respect, affection, and admiration for my ex. She is an extremely successful physician as well as a great mom. We are quite friendly and have a very good, but not too close, relationship.

There is no part of me that is in love with her, though. All of my romantic love is reserved for Li.

There are times when my memories allow me to 'feel' love for past Xs but those times are fleeting and occasional. If you are lucky, experience brings wisdom.

Every person I meet is a series of moments of interaction. Everyone is different and those moments are unique to the interactions we share. Love is completely personal.

If I feel love in most of those moments with someone, I conclude that I love them. I have no way to know if they feel love for me during those same moments. The love I experience is mine alone.

With someone new, that I find I have more moments feeling love towards them than when I do not, is not based on the moments I felt love towards someone else. I don't 'recognize' that person as someone I have felt love for in the past. They are unique. I see them as a unique person of their own. The love I feel for them, at any given time, is something that they alone inspire in me.

No, if one is still in love with their ex then they are not ready to move on. There is a reason they are called "ex" like... you are not meant to be, they didn't love you enough or didn't love you at all, you are not compatible with each other etc etc etc.

Once you fall in love some part of us always stays in love with that person

That ^^^ just ain't right. If it was you who called it quits.. you go "Yay! Free again." But if the other called it quits, you go "I hope you get hit by a truck!"

Forever be in love with your ex? I don't think so.

my two cents

I'm the same but I'm glad now I don't have to deal with him any more.
I can't be bothered with him.

Why would I have feelings for a selfish, patronising, paranoid b**ch?
The "cat moment" made me realise that! Still what do you expect!

..awww.. but it really is you and not me..ohhh.. wait a minute!!!.. I mean!. it really is me and not you

..OHHHH.. and don't I know it..lol

Exactly how I see it.
I got 2 exes from LTR, but with neither I have feelings of love anymore. I would also not get involved again if I still had lingering feelings for an ex.

Hmm.. interesting. I can sort of get it, but maybe I'm too much of an all or nothing kind of girl (I am that way). I give someone 100% of my love and devotion, when it's over, I recover, find my 100% love so I am able to give that to a new partner.
I feel it wouldn't be fair to a new partner if I could only give him 60% because the rest is still with an ex. To me that means I'm not ready yet for new love.
I also don't feel either of my exes was the love of my life. I thought for a while my ex was. He was the first man I really wanted to grow old with and I thought/felt I would never be able to love someone else as much as I loved him.
Now I see I did indeed love him tremendously, but it was mostly co-dependent love, and yes I need him to learn things -in a painful way- but no way is he the love of my life.

I do wonder, if you feel your first partner was the love of your life, don't you feel you can never give/receive anything that special and good from another anymore?
To me that statement means that any other man is settling for less, even though you may not admit to it, because no one can ever get the 'status' love of my life anymore. I don't see how this is fair on a new partner? Unless you are his Nr 2 as well.
How do you see that? (really interested)

If you ever think of your ex just keep in mind that ex is ex for a reason.

There is intimate/romantic love...

Then there is familial love...

And then there is friendly love (more commonly called 'brotherly love').

Like someone mentioned, if you still feel romantic love toward your ex, then you really aren't ready to move on.

My family has always been a bit messed up, so most of my family-type love is extended towards my closest friends. I wish more of it could go to my family, but a) there are few members left, and b)none of us have ever been particularly close because of my parents. My closest friends therefore are more like family than my actual family is.

I believe it is possible to have friendship without extending brotherly love. It's more of a mutual respect and enjoyment of mutual company. Therefore I also feel there are different degrees of friendship. The 2 ex-gfs I mentioned fall within those degrees of friendship. Thus I feel more of a kinship akin to brotherly love toward them.

Or as another person mentioned, it's 'caring', which is itself a form of love. Let's face it, we may not go so far as to 'care' for every friend we have. That requires a degree of bonding.

As it's still fresh for me just ask a 3 word question. Is it useful? When I think of my ex I just ask that question.