i need some help, if anyone has ever lost a spouse... my bf lost his a year ago in a car accident. i am trying to be patient and supportive as much as possible. he is a good guy, but has problems showing affection of any sort. we can **** but other than that, just about nothing, barely kissing. any advice

i think hes still in mourning... good luck to you.

personally, I'd want more than that.. I'd move on.

I'm not trying to be mean. Just honest. It sounds to me like he is still in love with his wife. He hasn't gotten over it. He may never really get over it. But, you can eventually get to a better place where you are ready to love another. And he isn't there yet. And he may not get there for a long time. And if he does, you may not be the one.

Right now, you're not getting what you need. It may be years before you get it. And you may never. I got myself into a situation like this before. She couldn't love me. So, I know the feeling. What I wound up having to do was walk away. It's hard to stay with someone that doesn't love you back. It's even harder when you are trying to compete with a ghost. If they aren't ready to let go of that ghost and "see you", You're in for a lot of heartaches. Good luck to you.

Not Better, Just Different
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blDRmWjXXj8
Lethal Weapon 4

I think that he is the one that needs help, not you, and it is something you should suggest to him. You cannot have been together very long if he lost his wife only a year ago, probably for just a few months, and you are probably the first since his wife, so, If he isn't interested in seeking help to recover from such a tragic and traumatic event in his life, you should consider breaking up with him in my opinion. Ask yourself, do you really want to continue to be in a relationship when there is very little affection coming from your partner, only you can answer that question.

Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

^^^^ THis. A year is way too soon to be in a new relationship after losing a partner. He isn't ready for this at all. And likely when he will be at some point, he'll dump you. In a way you are just filling a void, which no one CAN fill btw, but he's easing his pain with you. There's no future in that.

As for yourself... think about why you felt attracted to him so you can stop this from happening again. For instance, do you like to give, please, need to be needed? If so, you'll be drawn to men with problems.
Work out why you attracted him and work on that so you can find happiness in life.
And steer clear from widowers. You'll also be 'competing' with their deceased spouse. You'll rarely be their Nr 1 cos if they could choose they'd choose the one they lost, not you.

Yes - I think it's probably too soon for him to get involved with anyone - it's only been a year & he's still grieving - I wouldn't expect anything but friendship from him right now
( I never did understand why people try to rush into a new relationship when they haven't recovered from the last one - just wondering why - I guess some people just can't be alone)

your profile says you are looking for an intimate encounter with a woman and you go on to say with you and him possibly for on going.

i'm sorry you will NEVER buy him out of his grieving

i don mean to be rude but if getting busy under the blanket is the only and probably the most intimate thing you could do then **** him good. There are lots of aspects to this apparent simple concept. Check out some self-help websites concerning how to make a guy fall in love with you and put it together with what you know of him and a little spice of your own creativity. Hope it works out for you.

thank you, i do appreciate honesty