What do you call a dog with no legs??

a hotdog?

'Cigarette' cuz u could take him out for a drag!

Nothing because he won't come anyways. Hahaha!

Three ropes walk into a bar. The first rope goes to the bar and orders 3 drinks. The bartender says “are you a rope"? "we don't serve your kind!" Shaken, the rope returns to the table and tells the other ropes “he said they don’t serve ropes here.” incredulously, the second rope heads to the bar and orders 3 drinks. the bartender says “heeey...aren't you a rope? "we don’t serve your kind in here.” the rope returns to the table and says “he says he won't serve us.” the third rope unravels his ends, ties himself up, heads to the bar and orders 3 drinks. the bartender makes the drinks and as he's handing them over stops and says "heeey...aren't you a rope" to which the third rope replies...

nope.
i'm a frayed knot.

Lol one of my faves!

dub....

How do you fix a broken pumpkin?















With a pumpkin patch

A red head is standing on the bank of a river and yells across the river to her friend, a blonde and says "How do you get on the other side of the river?" The blonde replies "You are on the other side of the river!"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, "why the long face?"

Angry Wife Joke
************************



An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

Two blondes decide they're going to go to Disney World, they get to Orlando and see a sign that read "Disney World left" so they turn around and went home.

Pepi and Jeff

***************************************

Yup....Same old fart..I can't change
into a grump

I've recently been diagnosed with HDADD(High Definition Attention Definition Disorder). I can barely pay attention but when i do its unbelievably clear. At least that's what I think I was diagnosed with, while the doctor was explaining the diagnosis, I was busy playing with my fire truck...

**************************************

Okay got it ..I promise to behave

Me too, I was diagnosed with some kind of mental disorder

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous.
Not everyone hasn’t met me yet.


Now mate, take it from an Old Fart..

Before you diagnose yourself with some kind of depression or low self-esteem,
first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with A$*****$.....I ALWAYS DO MY BEST

hotdog?