^^^ ^^^

Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Spunky: "What are you doing these days?"
Sparky: "PHD."
Spunky: "Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparky: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."

an owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer go by. the owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. the owl then eats the squirrel because owls are birds of prey.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic, please?

that's some funny *** **** right there

a dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. the bartender goes to get him a drink, but then realizes how ridiculous this is and wakes up from his dream. he rolls over to tell his wife about it, but she ignores him. he begins to cry silently, realizing his marriage is in shambles.

^^^ ^^^

- My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after we eat it.

- My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

donald trump



~~~disclaimer
donald trump IS a joke, but is NOT a funny story.

^^^ ^^^

Well, I tried to re-marry my ex-wife
but she figured out I was only after my money.

The Price of Confession

A man enters a confessional.
He says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's'."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"
A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"
The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes".

Two old twin sisters reach their 100th birthday
The local newspaper photographer goes to the nursing home were they stay to grap a photo for the local newspaper.

He asked the old twins to sit on the sofa
One being hard of hearing asks her sister ‘what did he say’
HE WANTS US TO SIT ON THE SOFA she shouts to her almost deaf sister

The photographer then asks them to sit closer
Again the almost deaf one asks what he said
HE WANTS US TO SIT CLOSER the other one shouts

The photographer asks them to stay still while he focuses his camera
Again the deaf one asks what he said
HE’S GOING TO FOCUS she replies

OMG The deaf one shouts CAN I GO FIRST

don't tell me they're living at the springfield~~~~don't~~~

Answer: I call a dog with no legs??
"A dog with no legs"

Q:... Why is Santa always so jolly?

A:... Because he sure knows where all the naughty girls live.

Who needs numbers as long you have a barn or a studio on that street?

Must watch until the end ( Best part )...HILARIOUS
Funny Santa Claus transformation - Short Film by Dormio Speedo fitness Studio

http://youtu.be/uvlCEAjcPRQ

someone was going on dusty road ... later he reached to the Asphalt road .

two people met while they were waiting in line. among them:
x: where is my friend from?
y: I am from my town.
y: I understand, where are you from?
x: Have I married yet?


(a real event that took place there)

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the pool...

A: Bob

Job INTERVIEW ( Misunderstanding lingo communication/s )

- Boss: Where were you born Sardar?

- Sardar: India.

- Boss: Which part?

- Sardar: What which part? The Whole body was born in India.

*****************************************************************

^^^ I will honestly confess,..I LOVE IRISH & BRITISH HUMOUR.

**************
The letters x and y, I think, were mixed with the genetic code XX and XY. No, it has nothing to do with it.
I had to choose a different letter when choosing a letter, which would be better.
*
("so,
x no more marriages, no more hometown ").
*
There are many such talks in Kurds.
*
a little thought-provoking,
somewhat sympathetic,
Like a little puzzles,
and
a little pinned.
*
In this regard, there are two men from two different cities.
*
an experienced joke.
*
we are so fond of being ludicrous among us.
*
As soon as I come to mind, I say other things (or facts).