If your partner isn't your friend, preferably your best friend, then I'm afraid you're wasting your time.
Intimate love fades off with time, friendship doesn't really. It's said that if you're friends with a person for over 7 years, there's a very high probability that friendship will last a lifetime.
So...when you're getting older & all that fiery love is gone, the bond of true friendship will keep you going.
Your partner=your friend.
Good luck!

My belief precisely. I believe it is the 'chemistry' of friendship that outlasts any temporary physical 'chemistry' that comes from physical attraction.

I'm glad you view it that way msharmony. The sparks that come with the early stages of a relationship always fade with time. But in a friendship, that special spark is always there...it never wavers.

Friendship is a pointless term anymore.
People use it as a shield to hide behind because they're scared of risk and commitment.
People seem to use it because they have either little experience with relationships, or a limited vocabulary and ability to think.

It forces this huge obligation of investigation and focus onto a potential partner just to figure out your particular, subjective, specific tolerances, expectations, and associations.

"Friend" can mean anything from the person sitting in the next cubicle at work you share Dilbert cartoons with but don't even know their last name, to your neighbor who was born in the same hospital as you, you've grown up together living next door, spend every waking moment together, developed your own secret language with, who knows you better than anyone else in the world.


In the age of desegregation, diversity, inclusiveness, globalism, coed everything, same sex relationships, gender equality, etc.:
How do you differentiate your "friend" relationship from your "friend" relationship?

Let's say you go on a first or more date with someone you're incredibly attracted to.
You've given them the spiel about how you want to be friends first, how you want to marry your best friend, how you think a meaningful romantic relationship is based on being friends, your partner has to be your friend.

You're deep in a conversation you really want to develop about something important to you. Space goats. Your career. Long walks on the beach. Native American Land repatriation. The environment. Whatever. In walks someone you know, they say "hey" and go sit down at their table or whatever since you're on a date.
Your date asks "who is that?"
And you, wanting to get back to the engrossing conversation subject, say "oh, just a friend from work," or, "oh, a friend, my neighbor."

What do you think is going to ultimately go through the mind of your date? Especially on a nonconscious level?
If they refuse to see you anymore because it seems like you have one or a bunch of opposite sex "friends," no matter how tenuous the relationship is in reality, is that really their problem if they know you believe in "friends" first and mandatory?

Or do you spend all your time together going through your "friend" relationship specifics on all your dates? Expressing each boundary, how it developed, examples of how you and your friend have sacrificed, or chosen, or contributed to maintaining the boundaries?

If you believe in "friends first" and make it mandatory before any kind of deep romantic entanglement...how is having any friends at all any different than dating multiple people at the same time, or constantly around failed dates, from the perspective of a potential partner who wanted to get to know you, but only really knows you want friends first before something meaningful but have all these friends?

Or do you think all conversations with someone should only be about you and your relationships how you control and define them, having to constantly focus on mitigating details that make one "friend" relationship different than another "friend" relationship?
How is that any different than talking about past failed relationships?

"Friendship" or "your best friend" should be realized in hindsight to the development of the romantic relationship.
Not proactively striven for.
That just creates artificial boundaries and expectations on the relationship and a dating environment that's going to lead to a lot of miscommunication.

I mean lets say you have a bunch of friends. But you tell your date you want to be friends first. Do you think they're going to believe you hold any meaning to the term friends? Do you think conversations and interaction become focused on who you are? Or just how you define relationships?

Let's say you have few friends. They're "special." Or "true" friends, like in the movies where they "got yer back" and "know you."
That means your date now has to jump through hoops. They not only have to try and get you to like them, want to date them, and want to fall in love with them, but also to develop an additional "friends" relationship they have to compare to your other relationships.
That means they have to wait until you define them as friends.
That means they can't be considered "friends" until you define them as such, they have to want to stick around until you can say the word "friends."
Otherwise it means if you ever act friendly towards them they can assume that you are also in love with them, and since you continue to act like a friend, well that must mean a committed relationship.



What if it's not in your best interest to keep it going?


That doesn't really mean anything.
I know lots of people that were friends with someone over 7 years. Hell, 20 years. It doesn't mean it's a meaningful relationship.
They send out family portrait christmas cards if they remember, and the every couple years or so facebook post and chain joke letter exchange. Maybe a lunch or dinner every 5-10 years when they have a business meeting nearby.


That's your body chemistry changing the structure of your brain and how you associate with someone.

It doesn't fade so much as evolve to another stage.
Then it depends on whether or not you can appreciate the change and what it offers.
Many can't and only wish to focus on the initial pleasure and stimulation, or want to think they've "lost" something, or that it's "fickle," when they aren't being pleasurably stimulated.


Not really.
But assuming it's true, it would be because the "friends" relationship tends to be a bit more shallow. It doesn't change because it doesn't matter all that much. The relationship doesn't require or engender any real change so much as an avoidance of anything "bad" with some utility.


Other than that, IMO, "friends first" is something developed by media people that wanted to express complex adult interaction to mindless consumers looking for relationship ideals in 90 minutes or less.

Bad enough we marry each other...do we have to be friends, too?...
It never ends!

I beg to differ. I actually feel it's the greatest nonsense you can believe in. The main difference between friends and partners is the intimacy, including physical intimacy, and wanting that intimacy. If you don't feel that way, you aren't really partners anymore. You may choose to stay in such a relationship, but then you got a 'brother-sister' thing. Many ppl live that way cos they lack the guts to get out.

I could be really close friends with someone for over 7 years, but still not want to live with them / share my life with them. A friend is not the same as a partner, not even close. If all I had left for my partner were feelings of friendship, I'd want out.

I am of the opinion that a man should have a partner and a bit on the side.

This is featured at Appleseeds

http://www.appleseeds.org/friendship_love.htm

Friendship is a quiet walk in the park with the one you trust.
Love is when you feel like you are the only two around.

Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care.
Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart.

Friendship is being close even when you are far apart.
Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart
when they are not near.

Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best.
Love is when you bring them the very best.

Friendship occupies your mind.
Love occupies your soul.

Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there
when in need.
Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side.

Friendship is a warm smile in the winter.
Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart.

Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares:
A tender laugh, which opens your heart,
A single touch that melts away your fears,
A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven,
A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth.

Friendship can survive without love.
Love cannot live without friendship.
Author Unknown

Other Friendship Messages at appleseeds
http://www.appleseeds.org/spec-idx.htm#Friends

Other Categories at appleseeds

True Love never fades.

So just to clarify things a bit this friend am I allowed to have sex with her..?..
Lol

friends define their own boundaries,

for myself, I cant imagine love working without friendship being at the core

I have had that guy I couldn't keep my hands off of, but it faded after a while, because nothing ELSE but lust was there and lets face it, there are probably plenty of 'skilled' males that could make a gal horny and lustful.

Lol. Let's get some facts straight here first. Love fades! That's the reality, & always keep it in mind.

It's the reigniting of love when a relationship shows signs of a struggle that makes it seem as though it never fades. But it does, & you have to work at it to make sure that spark is reignited, otherwise you're facing divorce/separation in the near future.

Love is constantly reignited in relationships, sometimes naturally, sometimes you just have to jumpstart it.

Now, on friendship, my argument is your partner should be your lover & friend. Two things in one person...that's a unique bond that you won't share with anyone else. I never said they should exclusively be your friend.

Lol. Why do I feel this concept is too simple to explain...Your love-also your friend. Unless you have different interpretations of what friendship means.