When do you say it is so? How do you get over it?how to stop it being so?

No good answer SS...

Enjoy it
Don’t think

Ok too early there will be more opinions . Thanks Stu and frhe

Topic: In love with love

If we're in love with love, that kind of leaves the guy out of the picture, wouldn't you say?



You say it's so when it feels right.

Unfortunately there can come a time when you are faced with "getting over it" and that takes time. Takes feeling the pain of it not being there anymore, feeling the void that is deep in your gut, and shedding several gallons of tears as you heal and learn to fill that void with other things, mostly love for yourself.

And hopefully, you come through all of that stronger, so that you may never have to stop it from being so.... only with someone else.

That was beautiful sis left me teary eyed...why does sometimes something that feels wrong feel so right

I haven't quite figured that out yet sis. I have a feeling though that it has something to do with what we feel and think we deserve. If it feels wrong, then it's wrong. Maybe it feels right because we want so much for it to feel right, or make it right. Only it can't be forced and if it was not right for us before, it won't be no matter how hard we try.

Yes love should never be forced and feel wrong.... maybe someday somehow

Maybe someday.... and it won't be forced or feel wrong or even awkward, well maybe just a tad awkward, but in a good way

It will flow naturally from heart to heart and it will feel right

How do you tell if it's YOU who are in love with love, is one thing, and how do you tell if someone else is, is another.

I think what I would watch out for the most, either way, would be a tendency to excuse the person you think you love, for significant differences in attitude, philosophy, or behavior.

Next, would be if you find that you are spending more time "mooning" about the other person (that is, thinking of them in order to allow yourself to soak in the in-love brain chemicals) than you are living your life, you might be "in love with love," more than you are in love with the person.

Falling in love too fast could be an indicator too. If you are so hungry for love, that you jump into it too fast, and you find yourself looking for every chance to reaffirm how much you believe in the magic of love, you might be deluding yourself.

That's about all I can think of.

Thanks Igor that was helpful

I think you might be in love with love if you’re more interested in how he makes you feel than you are interested in HIM.


Great question. I might consider reinvesting your efforts in really getting to know him better. If how he makes you feel is still your strongest draw to him then maybe your not as into him as youd like to be and should let him go. Everyone deserves someone who loves them...not what they can do for them.

You mean psychiatric help is needed? think:

But how else can you love the person if he is not that person? I mean a girl can give a guy butterflies in his stomach because of what and how she is and that’s how it all starts so how do you say it’s not really what she gives him but what she is. I sound complicated even to myself

All in all, this comes under the same general approach to the difficulties of finding a good relationship that I have arrived at from other directions.

That is, I have come to recognize and accept that there are all sorts of things about life in general, where we just plain can't insure that everything is as we want and wish it to be.

Just being a conscious human being, means that your understanding of yourself is a mixture of momentary likes and dislikes, previous positive and negative experiences, fantasies and stories you heard growing up, and the collective subconscious overall picture that every society generates because it's people interact all the time.

No one believes that love is important because a scientific test has proven its efficacy. We believe it to the degree that we do, because almost everyone around us do, and because we see each other come and go, and laugh and cry, and say it's because of love.

A very long time ago now, as my own love and life was in the midst of a catastrophic disaster, I remember asking my soon to be ex, why she had promised to love me forever before, and now said (a rather short time later) that this new guy was the be all end all of her existence. She told me something to the effect that what she had said before, was what she believed at the time, and that now she knew otherwise.

That was an EXCELLENT answer for me to get back then, and I have included it within my overall approach to life, in more than one way. I never again asked for forever from anyone. That's to start. And I accepted the fact that all humans are "defective" in the sense that we can't know what our own future will bring, we can only know what we think is true right now.

I am not at all religious, and probably am best described as a true atheist, in that I neither support or oppose the possibility of a god existing. But I have a great deal of appreciation for some aspects of religious belief. One of those, is the more subtle understanding of the real value of faith. Faith isn't best understood as blind, adamant insistence that something you can't prove, exists. That's just fanaticism. Faith is the acceptance of the unknowable nature of existence, and the positive decision to deal with whatever happens as best one can, as it happens, without angrily demanding at each moment, that our expectations and best wished be fulfilled.

So with love, I go by a line I chanced to write in a poem/song of my own, long ago, which goes "the only way to trust love, is to live as though it's there."

That means that I wont invest in fear that someone doesn't love me, or in doubts about my own feelings. I will only go with what seems best to do, one moment to the next, based on what I am sure of, and I will accept that the price of being able to enjoy those happy moments, is to have to face the possibility that they will end, or will turn out to have been well-intentioned mirages.

here try this. do you feel this way because of the feeling you are getting or because of who and what he is? if it's a;; about the feeling then you are in love with love. if it's all about him then it's prolly the real deal. and i might add that in the very beginning you might not be in love with love, but in love with infatuation and and the newness

Lol! I think I get it. I think it’s so much harder to know what someone else if feeling. I suppose there are subtle hints though. Maybe their attention feels forced more than not, like they’re trying to give you the same level of attetion they’re soaking up from you, but it doesnt come naturally.

I think online would be impossible to tell, as most hints of a persons feelings for us are in their physical reactions; genuine smiles that reach their eyes, raised eyebrows that express true interest, warm looks that indicate concern for us, and of course the heated looks that can’t deny their physical desire for us.

I’d listen to Igor and Eric on this one though. I think they’ve got a pretty good handle on the subject.

The way I've learned to see it is that we all exist in the present.
Life is a memory of moments that accumulate like an old scrapbook.
We can pull up a page from that scrapbook but memory only recalls the strongest images.
This tendency to only recall selective memories is common to the entire scrapbook from the earliest pages to the most recent.
Even as recent as a few moments ago.

We tend to substitute our current moment with selective memories.
We also tend to substitute our current moment with future expectations.
We exist in a state of past, present and future at any given time.
Much of those times are clouded with past and future with only a small part of the present being noticed.
Our brains register the present and tuck it away in memory but it often becomes unfocused/blurry memories amidst our selective memories.

When someone experiences the present in focus, that memory persists.
If you experience moments with somebody that makes you feel good (for whatever reason), the memories of those moments become focused memories.
As more moments like this are experienced, love for the moments develops.
When we are not in the moment with that person, we recall those moments of love in the present.
Like filling a gap.
We also tend to forecast those memories in the present.
Our brains do these things without direction.
They are able to work on a fractional scale to minute precision.
We are even able to merge the past, present and future into a seemingly coherently smooth existence.

There are three ways we experience love.
The first and most important is the moment love we feel in the present when with someone.
Then there is the memory of those moments of love that exists in the past.
Finally, there is the expectation of more moments of love in the future.
People, however, are not merely recorders of reality.

There are multiple ways we ponder love.
The memory of any given moment is usually dominated by a specific emotion.
Tho one specific emotion may be the dominate memory there are usually other emotions in that memory that are out of focus.
Specifically, love is not a single emotion. It consists of a wide range of emotions that come together in such a way we call it love.

When we recall love to reinforce the moment in the present, we are tapping into all the emotions that define love to ourselves. This gives us the ability to be in love in the present moment without the actual reality in the moment to reinforce it.
The memory of love causes you to feel in love.
It keeps the feelings of love in your present moment.

To be in love with love is merely using memories of memories (and all the pleasant emotions) in the present.

One of my biggest hurdles in fighting my depression was to dismiss those memories of memories and start looking at the reality of the moment in the present.

Love is self-reinforcing much like depression.
I still have memories of love but they remain memories.
I am seeking new memories of love with somebody but it doesn't minimize the memories of love I already have.
New love is not better, just different.

Being in love with your memories of love is not a bad thing unless it interferes with your ability to love or live in the present.