When do you say it is so? How do you get over it?how to stop it being so?

@ Sceptical, I wonder why you think you were / are in love with love?

I would say ...when you can not feel you could live with out them...

get over it ... when younger I think you have a chance ... but sometimes people never get over it ... thats when the love is so great in a relationship 1 dies and not to long after the other dies ...


how to stop love ... it is a emotion. I don't believe you can...
we may just have to live with that love under different emotional circumstances ... does not stop you begin to feel a difference in that emotion ... if I am understanding your ? right ...

Hello crystal I married I think for this reason that’s why it ended. I figured love was a force that can hold the marriage together and that he loved me more than I did and that love I believed was enough. After all the cheating I clearly saw that it was the idea of love that made me stay. I knew I can live without him and that I deserved better. Now I am trying to see other people’s point of view to know if there are ways so that situations like these can be avoided and if it’s even possible to decipher early in a relationship. Dang feelings

Hi Sceptical!
I'd not call that in love with love but simply a case of not loving yourself enough and ending up seeking it on the outside. As in a husband who'd give you love. But if you don't love yourself that will never work out in the end. For the other it's like having to fill a bottom pit, and it wears them out. Also it is very difficult to love someone who doesn't even love themselves.
Ask yourself this: Could/would you love a man who doesn't love (respect) themselves?
I need to be able to look up to a man and if he doesn't even love himself, there's not much to look up at. Not will he be able to love me the way a partner should because it would likely be from neediness. Such vibrations are repelling to another.
So it's quite logical in that sense that a partner's love for you will fade.
Number one requirement to being in a loving relationship is for each partner to love themselves first.
The fact this happened to you is not weird or wrong or whatever. I think it has happened -and often still IS happening- to most people as love of Self is the most difficult for most everyone to achieve and hold on to.
And thus many -if not most- enter a relationship to get the validation and love from the partner. Many do this again and again and again, then blame the other gender while all that's 'wrong' is their own lack of self-love.
And of course Self-love comes with healthy boundaries, self-esteem, confidence and so on. To obtain these, you have to work on ego issues --> mostly childhood wounds (inner child work). You don't have to work out every single thing that happened in your past. I've been told that if you manage to heal 3-5 occurrences of one theme, it's healed.
Usually it's the limiting thought "I'm not good enough." So if you can heal 3-5 things in the past where this was an issue (some happening relating this theme that had quite the emotional impact on you), it will be healed.
Now you may have to analyze the "I'm not good enough" thingie a bit further, as usually it divides into sub-themes. Then you'll have to heal 3-5 instances of each sub-theme.

There's plenty of stuff online on cultivating self-love and dealing with limiting beliefs. It does work a treat, but it takes dedication. If deep down you cannot be bothered with it, it will not work. It's like an addiction you want to get rid of. Much has to do with habitual thoughts and changing those will take a bit of time, and thus dedication so you're going to stick with it.
Best would be to choose 1 method to cultivate Self-love and/or limiting beliefs and stick with it.
Like if you'd want to lose weight and swap diets every 4 days, it isn't going to work. You have to chose one, and stick with that to get the desired outcome.
Changing limiting beliefs and cultivating love of self is exactly the same. It's growing new 'muscle'. Apart from that it is reducing the power of the ego, and the ego has an natural knee-jerk reaction to resist change, even if it is for your best interest. And ego is very obnoxious, so you will have to be really motivated as the ego will try anything and everything to get you to stop whatever change you are trying to implement.
You can't blame it, it's a primal instinct that has kept us (mankind) alive. It's a survival instinct that now often works against us. But whenever we want to change something in our lives, we will have to deal with it, even though it is rarely about our survival.

In any case, you can do the work so you can attract better quality men and relationship into your life. But you have to really want it, as it will take time. If you do want to invest in yourself, you will get results quite fast. But in spite of those results you will have to continue to do the work lest you don't fall back into old ruts and routines.

What’s that Pepi? I don’t see it in the app but I’m sure it’s nice. Thank you

I think MOST are in love with the idea of being in love
more than they are actually in love with the person they are with

I think MOST are in love with the idea of being in love
more than they are actually in love with the person they are with

I think I mostly disagree with this. Sort of. If I am right about what you refer to, I would describe it in a more complicated and subtle way.

That is, I know that what most people feel about pretty much anything, is the result of a mixture of all sorts of things. These things include stories we were told, which we believed, and observations we've made, and yearnings we have, and hungers, and so on.

All of that shapes what we think of as love, AND shapes what we decide to do about whatever love we think we feel.

So in a way, I would agree that the "just pure love" part of what any person feels about another, is apt to be less than fifty percent of what went into the overall thing they refer to as their love for someone. Or for themselves, for that matter. But I also think that the other elements of the totality of what we feel, are not just debris or delusion, many of them are a normal and inherent and even necessary part of what we need to assemble in order to construct our lives and be reasonably pleased with them.