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Topic: Hi is the best first message
no photo
Thu 08/16/18 08:54 PM
I know of a dating site that if you try your, "Hi" method there, it will get you one thing, ignored. Especially if the person has there word filter set. In other words, some sites filter out 1 and two-word messages by just not sending them. If a person has there filter set for X amount of words, you have to reach that number. Or your message will not be sent.

Others who don't set that filter, well, they just hit the delete button.

A few years ago they did a survey on that site asking women and men about what they preferred in a message from another user. They all pretty much said the same thing. They all prefer a woman or a man that can string more than one or two words together and make a sentence.

I forget now. But it seems like that question was sent to 2 or 3 thousand members. I think it was somewhere in the high 90% that said they would delete one or two-word messages without a response. Trying that approach on Match, OKC, or POF, especially POF, and you will not get very far.

Here, many are like me. They don't date from this site. Many are here for forums only. Some are not interested in dating anyone from this site. So, just because they hang around here, it doesn't mean they don't have a man or woman in there lives. I've been here since 2012. There have been many women in and out of my life.




Poetrywriter's photo
Thu 08/16/18 10:10 PM

I delete, or block, "hi" messages.


Hi laugh

Duttoneer's photo
Fri 08/17/18 12:11 AM


Hi is the best first message



I guess you could say you may as well use the 'nudge' option if all your going to say is Hi. This is really only a greeting and not a message, in my opinion you need to say a little more than just Hi, if you are trying to strike up a conversation. However, if it works for you that's good, everyone is different, and have their own approach to messaging.

newsworthy's photo
Fri 08/17/18 12:34 AM

I delete, or block, "hi" messages.


Obviously, someone wishes to remain single.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 08/17/18 02:05 AM


I delete, or block, "hi" messages.


Obviously, someone wishes to remain single.

No, obviously someone who isn't desperate enough to reply to a message that shows no real interest, no intelligence, no character, no nothing really.

A man who can't think of anything other to say than "Hi" doesn't deserve my time either, so --> DELETE!

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 08/17/18 10:27 AM
Edited by I_love_bluegrass on Fri 08/17/18 10:28 AM



I delete, or block, "hi" messages.


Obviously, someone wishes to remain single.

No, obviously someone who isn't desperate enough to reply to a message that shows no real interest, no intelligence, no character, no nothing really.

A man who can't think of anything other to say than "Hi" doesn't deserve my time either, so --> DELETE!




I think it shows laziness and a lack of seriousness...they just send out a bunch of "hi" messages in the hopes that *some* woman will reply.

Also, a guy who can't muster up anything else than a "hi" as an intial message usually, in MY experiences on the dating site can't do much better in regular conversation.

Or, they are too lazy to write anything useful about themselves in their profile, so you have to play 20 questions with them to see it the two of you have ~anything~ at all in common to talk about..
(because of course they are too lazy to have read *your* profile either)

So, you ask them things as a way to start comversation...all you get back and 2-3 word replies.
So...you "call" them on this...and they say they are not good at typing, and do better on the phone.

I doubt it, darlin'...
If you can't manage more than 2-3 words on HERE where you have time to think about what you are going to say....I can't imagine you'll be any better on the phone/ in person where you have to think "in the fly"...

Effort = results

newsworthy's photo
Fri 08/17/18 10:37 AM



I delete, or block, "hi" messages.


Obviously, someone wishes to remain single.

No, obviously someone who isn't desperate enough to reply to a message that shows no real interest, no intelligence, no character, no nothing really.

A man who can't think of anything other to say than "Hi" doesn't deserve my time either, so --> DELETE!



Whether it is a Hi or a more eloquently construed message full of charisma and intelligence as one puts it however it makes no odds as the long messages get ignored also.
People have to be really honest and realise they just don't like that person that they will not reply to. I am fine if a woman says hi but we are all different thank goodness.

no photo
Fri 08/17/18 10:53 AM

Gents, contrary to popular belief a simple hi is your best bet to getting a date off of a dating site. A woman who responds to a simple hi, is down to earth, finds you attractive and most importantly is taking the time to get to know you herself.

While it's true 99% of women may not respond back, who cares. Would you really want to date a woman who thinks she's above a simple hi? Trust me gents, there are quite a few women out there who think they deserve the sun and the moon from you, even before knowing your name. The question is, are you willing to bend over backwards out of desperation to give it to them? Or, do you realize that you yourself are a catch worth pursuing.

Let me tell you a little secret, the majority of single women out there have been hurt and are single for a reason. Don't let a pretty picture fool you into thinking, that you need to give her the world for her to like you. All you need to do, is be better than whoever it was that hurt her. How will she get to know you better? Well that's the other part of the equation, she has to take the time to get to know you. Women who don't respond to a hi, most likely never will invest that required time. They'll get another message from a more eloquent typist who may be more attractive, has a better profile, is a better catch on paper and well it's goodbye, so long.

Just look at the same people who post the same advice day in and day out and yet remain single themselves.



Thanks for the info on " hi", what have you got for " hello"?

Tom4Uhere's photo
Fri 08/17/18 11:09 AM
If I contact a woman in real life, I usually open with "Hi, my name is Tom".
I watch her response to me and that response dictates what I say or do next.
I can "Just Say Hi" to anyone on the street and it is nothing more than a idle acknowledgement of their presence.

I think Mingle2 was once a website called Just Say Hi. It was successful enough that it expanded.

When I look at a woman's profile, I read it and look for things we might have in common.
I'm not really searching for anyone, I am here mainly for the forums because I am entertained by the human condition and I gain social refinement by understanding how people interact with one another.

I am alone by choice.
I'm not healthy at all and I am disabled and I fully understand that I am out of the dating game. Its going to take a woman that is very special to be able to love me and that is not going to be determined over a TCP/IP connection.

I do make searches every once in awhile.
On rare occasions, I come across a woman's profile that strikes a cord with my preferences. Most of the time, I contact women that I have already met in the forums.

While I lead my messages with
Hi - I'm Tom,
It is the greeting of a message that is composed by reading her profile and mentioning things we have in common. Much like writing a letter.
The body of the message is a short paragraph or two where I acknowledge something I read in her profile.
I also add a closing, like
Nice to meet you,
Tom

or something to that effect.

In real life encounters, If I am interested in a person I will say hi but after they acknowledge me back I continue talking. Its never a greet and go away. There is some type if personal interplay that happens.

In dating sites, the "Hi" messages is like waving at someone you don't know as you drive by them in your car. There has to be some type of information exchanged for it to have any significance.

A profile's job is to say;
This is me
Here is a sign, I'm holding this sign up to describe me to everyone.

Do you say "hi" to the signs you see in real life? When is the last time you said hi to an 'exit' sign or a 'restrooms' sign?

But let's not assume anything. You can read their profiles, compose a nice opening message, favorite and like them and if they are not interested, they may never acknowledge you back.
Was composing that opening message a waste of time?
Wouldn't it be simpler to just type two letters? "H" & "I"?
Sure it is. Its even easier to just click a smiley
waving
But how is that interesting enough to warrant a response that might lead to a face to face date?

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 08/17/18 11:17 AM
Edited by I_love_bluegrass on Fri 08/17/18 11:20 AM
Tom4Uhere...can i ask you a question?

Why is your profile a copy pasted thing that is on innumerable sites..scammous and real?

Could you not, as wordy as you are, think of something to say about you on your own...rather than copying and pasting a "canned" profile which says nothing about you specifically??


Just a couple..there are many more..

www.newfriends4u.com/profiles/M453589.shtml

www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141007005032-21787948-linkedin-messages-posts

Tom4Uhere's photo
Fri 08/17/18 12:14 PM

Tom4Uhere...can i ask you a question?

Why is your profile a copy pasted thing that is on innumerable sites..scammous and real?

Could you not, as wordy as you are, think of something to say about you on your own...rather than copying and pasting a "canned" profile which says nothing about you specifically??


Just a couple..there are many more..

www.newfriends4u.com/profiles/M453589.shtml

www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141007005032-21787948-linkedin-messages-posts

My profile is worded like that because I used POF's assessment to figure out my best qualities. What I did was copy my results, pasted them and then edited them to say it how I felt it.
So, technically, its not a direct copy and paste.

I believe when someting is said right, it doesn't really need to be reworded. There is so much more about me that I want prospective mates to know but I get carried away in the details. That assessment allowed me 'focus'.
I have a lot of great stories in me but I never seem to finish any books I try to write because I get lost in the details. I could write a ful chapter on descibing what a tree looks like.

My profile is as it is beause it describes me and how I feel about things.
Its accurate but still minimal, in my opinion.
Most important is that if I do meet someone that has taken the time to read it and digest what it says, when we meet, they will know it is accurate by how I am in person.
I also include a series of pictures for pretty much the same reason.
My looks change. My current profile pic is fairly current (within a few months) but anyone that takes the time to look at the pics I offer can see how my looks change.

Unlike most people on the internet, I am who and what I appear to be.

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 08/17/18 03:04 PM
Interesting.

I would STILL thuink someone as wordy and (apparently) intelligent as you could come up with a way to describe yourself, your interests, and what all you are hoping to find that 8wasn't* from some site.spock

Also..WHY would you say:
"I am disabled and I fully understand that I am out of the dating game."

Why would being disabled "take you out of the dating game"???

If someone likes you...and can deal with whatever it is...then..yay.

If they *like* you, but cannot deal with it..then that is on them.

I mean..if you are wheelchair bound, or unable to get around...you wouldn't be a good match for someone who is very physically active...or has a lifestyle that couldn't work with someone with limited mobility..

But that doesn't rule out everyone.

no photo
Fri 08/17/18 04:01 PM

Interesting.

I would STILL thuink someone as wordy and (apparently) intelligent as you could come up with a way to describe yourself, your interests, and what all you are hoping to find that 8wasn't* from some site.spock

Also..WHY would you say:
"I am disabled and I fully understand that I am out of the dating game."

Why would being disabled "take you out of the dating game"???

If someone likes you...and can deal with whatever it is...then..yay.

If they *like* you, but cannot deal with it..then that is on them.

I mean..if you are wheelchair bound, or unable to get around...you wouldn't be a good match for someone who is very physically active...or has a lifestyle that couldn't work with someone with limited mobility..

But that doesn't rule out everyone.


Not speaking for Tom. Just sticking my 2 cents in. Tom may not have the same problem as I do.

Many women run from me. The woman that I've been seeing the past few months is the first one in over a year that didn't run from me when she found out what I've been through.

Many women seem to think that if a man has, or has had some problem, then he is undateable. I've met more than a few that are this way. They seem to fear the idea that they might have to take care of the man later on. Many seem to want to be taken care of. But they don't want to give the same.





I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 08/17/18 04:15 PM
Edited by I_love_bluegrass on Fri 08/17/18 04:16 PM




I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 08/17/18 04:17 PM

Not speaking for Tom. Just sticking my 2 cents in. Tom may not have the same problem as I do.

Many women run from me. The woman that I've been seeing the past few months is the first one in over a year that didn't run from me when she found out what I've been through.

Many women seem to think that if a man has, or has had some problem, then he is undateable. I've met more than a few that are this way. They seem to fear the idea that they might have to take care of the man later on. Many seem to want to be taken care of. But they don't want to give the same.



The problem with *that* is...as people get older, things happen..
Sure...a person be be all healthy and wahtnot now..but, if you stay with someone until they are in their late 70's or 80's..*most* people are going to need help with some things..and more help as they get older...
Anyone who thinks other wise is deluding themselves.

Plus..we're ~all~ one serious accident or illness away from needing someone to take care of us..be it short term or long term.

Also?
I am fairly active, do my own yard work/ property maintenence/ gardening..
I enjoy the occsaional hike..and love being outdoors doing various things.
Someone who wasn't able to do those things with me wouldn't be a good fit...

But..I know *my* limitations...and avoid guys who jog, bike or hike for *miles*...or are into/ enjoy other things which i have no intrerest in and wasn't into when I was in my 20's..

But that still leaves quite a few who aren't *that* way.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Fri 08/17/18 05:57 PM

Interesting.

I would STILL thuink someone as wordy and (apparently) intelligent as you could come up with a way to describe yourself, your interests, and what all you are hoping to find that 8wasn't* from some site.spock

Also..WHY would you say:
"I am disabled and I fully understand that I am out of the dating game."

Why would being disabled "take you out of the dating game"???

If someone likes you...and can deal with whatever it is...then..yay.

If they *like* you, but cannot deal with it..then that is on them.

I mean..if you are wheelchair bound, or unable to get around...you wouldn't be a good match for someone who is very physically active...or has a lifestyle that couldn't work with someone with limited mobility..

But that doesn't rule out everyone.

It takes me out of the competition as in dating "Game".
I didn't say I was unavailable, I merely have less of the competative edge I used to have when I was healthy and making money.
I still have a lot to offer the right woman.

As I said earlier, my profile is sourced from POF's personality surveys.
I changed it to reflect me better.
I could come up with the same type of info without assistance but since its accurate, I see no reason to change it?
Hell, most won't even read my age and location.
For the 'right' woman, it will matter.

I don't hope to find 'love' online.
I'm not looking to date 'online'.
My profile is there for women to get a good idea of who I am and what is important to me.
That only opens the door to a physical meet.
That's when everything important happens.
In person, face to face.

There is way more to me than a handful of words and pictures.
I'd rather be accurate about a few things than be deceitful about one thing.
When you see me in person, you will recognize me from my photos.
When we talk and interact, you will recognize me from my profile.
I wish I could say the same about the women I have met.

Rock's photo
Fri 08/17/18 07:47 PM
I have fun replying to "hi" messages.
I give an all monosyllable response.


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