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| Topic: Familiarity breeds contempt | |
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Familiarity breeds contempt is an ancient quote going back to a Syrian slave, 50 BC.
In long term romantic relationships like marriage, how would you stop this from happening in yourself and from your partner? You see each other's faults and all the wonderful strengths too. Does love cover a multitude of flaws in each of you? I would love to hear from people who have had long term relationships or even marriage. |
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I believe the truth of that saying as it seems to be human nature.
When you have a close relationship, you will both know ALL the others' faults better than anyone else. I read somewhere a long time ago that you should take all the other person's flaws and wrap them up like an old flag and put them away, not gone, just away, only to be hauled out for the funeral..to see how little they mattered in a life filled with love. |
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Familiarity can lead to boredom if you go about it the wrong way, if you don't it can be a true blessing.
Quality of sex is way better with someone that loves you AND knows your body and what you like. Plenty of ways you can keep things exciting provided you got some imagination. And it's important to not make the relationship and/or the partner your entire universe. Meaning you keep doing your own things, hobbies, seeing your own friends, going out with them and so on. And balance that with 'together with partner'. The wonderful thing about familiarity is... the familiarity! I remember my first date after 10 yrs relationship. I was shocked when I noticed I really had to start from scratch and I had to explain everything again. Nothing is self-explanatory anymore as the other person doesn't know you at all yet. And that may sound exciting, to me it felt like loss. I wasn't excited about it at all. It only made me miss the familiar, the being understood and half a word being enough-ness. Also, what I mentioned somewhere the other day: when you have familiarity and love it is much easier to accept and deal with 'flaws' like reading glasses, sagging things, physical issues due to aging, and so on. Still loving your partner and wanting them regardless. I find this is more difficult with a new person as then it's way easier to say, nope, I'm not looking for that in my life! Next!! Lot of advantages with familiarity. It's a matter of perception: glass is half full or the glass is half empty. |
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Sorry but in my marriage familiarity bred love and more love.
Till it didn't. Then it fueled divorce. Now that I realize people need to be themselves, good and bad, I accept those I align with and ignore those who I don't. I'm not an envious person. I don't wish to be more than I am. I don't try to make others live to my expectations. Life doesn't HAVE TO BE difficult. |
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From my own personal experience I believe the opposite ., that familiarity in a relationship evokes and sustains love
 Unmet needs , unhappiness incompatible values and unresolved conflict are more likely to breed contempt . |
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From my own personal experience I believe the opposite ., that familiarity in a relationship evokes and sustains love Unmet needs , unhappiness incompatible values and unresolved conflict are more likely to breed contempt .  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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I'll go with @Blondey111 on this one.
Familiarity is a term that's a bit tricky to be used in a serious romantic relationship. If it means, being used to, or habituated, it may lead to boredom with no further urge to know and explore. This can be harmful for a relation! We are ever evolving creatures, and we always have new thoughts, feelings and hence there shouldn't be any dearth of space to explore. Being familiar, shouldn't mean that I am familiar with the tomorrow, that's wot keeps me going and makes life so interesting! |
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In general, people will gravitate towards the familiar. Often we hear people who tend to
have relationships with similar type people, the familiar. But, it is generally the flaw or flaws that we can’’t live with that makes us ask ourselves - why do I always fall for the same type of person. Familiar can be a blessing or a curse. |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Wed 10/20/21 12:14 PM
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I believe the truth of that saying as it seems to be human nature. When you have a close relationship, you will both know ALL the others' faults better than anyone else. I read somewhere a long time ago that you should take all the other person's flaws and wrap them up like an old flag and put them away, not gone, just away, only to be hauled out for the funeral..to see how little they mattered in a life filled with love. That is a beautiful and wise saying Soufie. ❤ I believe you read my post correctly. I was looking for answers to keep the love alive and flourishing. . |
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From my own experience which i finally realized after decades is that i was always an "opposites attract" guy. Women that were very different from me always left me fascinated. The beginning of those relationships were always incredible but over time our differences that attracted us became points of contention. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with my own stubbornness and being unwilling to change but i think it generally went both ways. Now I'm trying to find someone with at least some common ground, i don't want the female version of me but i think there needs to be familiarity for it too last in the long term.
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Wed 10/20/21 01:33 PM
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Familiarity can lead to boredom if you go about it the wrong way, if you don't it can be a true blessing. Quality of sex is way better with someone that loves you AND knows your body and what you like. Plenty of ways you can keep things exciting provided you got some imagination. And it's important to not make the relationship and/or the partner your entire universe. Meaning you keep doing your own things, hobbies, seeing your own friends, going out with them and so on. And balance that with 'together with partner'. The wonderful thing about familiarity is... the familiarity! I remember my first date after 10 yrs relationship. I was shocked when I noticed I really had to start from scratch and I had to explain everything again. Nothing is self-explanatory anymore as the other person doesn't know you at all yet. And that may sound exciting, to me it felt like loss. I wasn't excited about it at all. It only made me miss the familiar, the being understood and half a word being enough-ness. Also, what I mentioned somewhere the other day: when you have familiarity and love it is much easier to accept and deal with 'flaws' like reading glasses, sagging things, physical issues due to aging, and so on. Still loving your partner and wanting them regardless. I find this is more difficult with a new person as then it's way easier to say, nope, I'm not looking for that in my life! Next!! Lot of advantages with familiarity. It's a matter of perception: glass is half full or the glass is half empty. I agree. I think the saying familiarity breeds contempt ought to be debated. I find the deeper you get in a relationship the better it gets, unless they are self destructive, which I have experienced and I had to get out. |
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In general, people will gravitate towards the familiar. Often we hear people who tend to have relationships with similar type people, the familiar. But, it is generally the flaw or flaws that we can’’t live with that makes us ask ourselves - why do I always fall for the same type of person. Familiar can be a blessing or a curse. That is one way of looking at it I never thought of. 
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From my own personal experience I believe the opposite ., that familiarity in a relationship evokes and sustains love Unmet needs , unhappiness incompatible values and unresolved conflict are more likely to breed contempt . I agree. |
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Sorry but in my marriage familiarity bred love and more love. Till it didn't. Then it fueled divorce. Now that I realize people need to be themselves, good and bad, I accept those I align with and ignore those who I don't. I'm not an envious person. I don't wish to be more than I am. I don't try to make others live to my expectations. Life doesn't HAVE TO BE difficult. My first marriage bred love and more love, we both had flaws and learned to live with them, because we loved each other.
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From my own personal experience I believe the opposite ., that familiarity in a relationship evokes and sustains love Unmet needs , unhappiness incompatible values and unresolved conflict are more likely to breed contempt . ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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I'll go with @Blondey111 on this one. Familiarity is a term that's a bit tricky to be used in a serious romantic relationship. If it means, being used to, or habituated, it may lead to boredom with no further urge to know and explore. This can be harmful for a relation! We are ever evolving creatures, and we always have new thoughts, feelings and hence there shouldn't be any dearth of space to explore. Being familiar, shouldn't mean that I am familiar with the tomorrow, that's wot keeps me going and makes life so interesting! So your advice would be for both people to keep individually growing? |
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From my own experience which i finally realized after decades is that i was always an "opposites attract" guy. Women that were very different from me always left me fascinated. The beginning of those relationships were always incredible but over time our differences that attracted us became points of contention. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with my own stubbornness and being unwilling to change but i think it generally went both ways. Now I'm trying to find someone with at least some common ground, i don't want the female version of me but i think there needs to be familiarity for it too last in the long term. People used to say my ex and I were very much alike. We did have a lot of common ground. When with him, I never wanted anyone else, I just wanted him to stop his self destruction, which came to fruition. I also look for similarities. I need a lot of space and it is difficult to find someone who will accept that. |
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I'll go with @Blondey111 on this one. Familiarity is a term that's a bit tricky to be used in a serious romantic relationship. If it means, being used to, or habituated, it may lead to boredom with no further urge to know and explore. This can be harmful for a relation! We are ever evolving creatures, and we always have new thoughts, feelings and hence there shouldn't be any dearth of space to explore. Being familiar, shouldn't mean that I am familiar with the tomorrow, that's wot keeps me going and makes life so interesting! So your advice would be for both people to keep individually growing? Yup, and keep exploring newer facets of each other, help your partner better himself/herself. These are easier said than done, though! We need to give enough time for our relationship, consciously. |
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